Following Me(60)

“She’s so pale,” Devon said softly.

“I just…I can’t believe she would do this to herself,” Garrett said. “We fought, but that shouldn’t have been an excuse for…for this.” He gestured toward Hadley.

Brennan said something quietly to Garrett, but Garrett just continued to stare at Hadley as Brennan talked.

Devon walked inside the room and over to Hadley’s side as the guys talked to each other on the other side. She tuned them out and sat heavily in the chair next to the bed. She took Hadley’s hand in her own, surprised to find it was so hot it felt like it was on fire. Devon curled her fingers around Hadley’s hand anyway and leaned her forehead against it.

“I’m sorry, Hadley,” Devon whispered. “I’m sorry for knowing and not doing enough. I’m sorry for putting you in a rough place. I’m sorry for using your weakness to my advantage. That’s a shitty thing for a friend to do. I’m sorry for not being your friend since I got here. I wish I could tell you everything I’m sorry for, but I don’t think you would want me to be here all day and night. Mostly, I’m sorry that we’re not close like we used to be. I don’t know who pushed the wedge in between us, but I don’t like it. I kept secrets…you know I did. But you were keeping them, too, and then you pushed me away when I was trying to help you. I don’t blame you. How could I ever blame you? I’m just sorry it came to this, and I hope that when you wake up, we can fix this. You’re my best friend.”

Devon squeezed her hand and stood before she the tears came. She couldn’t cry again. She had cried too much.

“Is she going to…be okay?” she managed to get out before covering her mouth at the thought.

“Yeah, the doctors said she would be okay physically,” Garrett told her. “Mentally and emotionally though will take time.”

Hadley would be okay, alive. She would wake up soon and start to recover. She would learn from her mistakes, and then they could all move on.

But today, she wasn’t okay, and today, it wasn’t alright. Today, it was painful and terrible and heartbreaking. Today, Devon would let herself feel it because it would make her better tomorrow.

“I’m going to…go get something to eat,” Devon said, not meeting the guys’ eyes as she walked past them.

“Do you want me to come with?” Brennan asked, brushing her arm with his fingers.

She smiled at him and shook her head. She wanted to be alone.

Devon made it out the door and a few feet down the hallway when she heard footsteps behind her. She turned, her heart rate picking up drastically. After all her nightmares about being followed, she couldn’t shake that uncontrollable fear.

“Devon, can we talk for a minute?” Garrett asked, walking toward her.

“I’d rather not,” she said. Her chest was aching, and she just wanted to find a place to be alone. Couldn’t he see that?

“I just wanted to apologize for last night.” He shifted awkwardly from foot to foot.

“I really don’t want to deal with this right now, Garrett,” she said.

“I know. I was an ass. Devon, please…I don’t know what I was thinking. I was really upset about Hadley,” he said, stepping in closer and reaching out for her arm.

“Please don’t touch me,” she said, pulling back quickly.

“Sorry.” He dropped his arm.

“Can we just not do this right now? Hadley is in there, unconscious. That is what’s important. Let’s just…deal with that first. I don’t even want to think about last night or what happened.”

“Devon—”

She held up her hand. “Please…just…no. I can’t talk about it yet. I need some time.”

Garrett nodded and took a step back. “Alright. I can give you time,” he said with a sigh.

Devon turned on her heel and walked away from Garrett, leaving him standing alone in the hallway.

Despite all the terrible things that had happened this week, she felt strong, stronger than she had in a long time.

Chapter Twenty - Coming Clean

HADLEY WAS RELEASED from the hospital three days later. She was required to see a psychiatrist who would monitor her progress. Her doctors had decided it wasn’t attempted suicide, so they were lenient with her discharge. If it were up to Devon, she would have pushed Hadley straight into rehabilitation, but Hadley could talk her way in or out of anything. Once Hadley had regained consciousness, the last thing she wanted was to be in the hospital for any longer than necessary.

Devon had camped out on Brennan’s couch until Hadley returned to Garrett’s apartment. She hadn’t felt right about going back with just Garrett there. His hospitality had run its course. Still, she couldn’t be away from Hadley when she came back, and Devon didn’t want her to know what Garrett had done. Hadley had too much stress as it was, and adding Garrett’s stupid mistake on top of that would be catastrophic.

Hadley had received a temporary medical leave from work so she could recover. She slept a lot, which Devon thought was good. It was better than feeling the withdrawal pains she was experiencing. Devon didn’t even bother to ask how much Hadley had been using because it was pretty obvious that the answer was going to be way too much. Whatever the drug use had started out as, it was far from casual now.