Five Ways to Fall (Ten Tiny Breaths #4)(92)

“I take it your mother and you had a difference of opinion?” The curiosity is thick behind her light tone.

“Annabelle had a very clear picture of what her daughter should be and I certainly wasn’t it.”

Wilma is silent for a moment. “I’m sorry to hear that, Reese.” There’s a pause. “What about your father?”

“I barely remember him. He took off when I was five and I haven’t heard from him since.” It’s funny, admitting that to Wilma isn’t as painful as it normally is. I shrug. “It’s fine. I have Jack now. He’s a pretty decent replacement father.” I smile as I say that, wondering if he sees me as more than just that wayward girl he rescued.

Wilma reaches up to pluck an extra-large tangerine off as she drifts back to our previous conversation. “When Ben got injured, I thought he’d come back home, but he decided he wanted to become a lawyer. I was surprised, to be honest. He never seemed like one to sit in an office, surrounded by paperwork. He’s always liked working with his hands. A part of me wondered if it was the bad blood with his own father that kept him away.”

“He comes to visit you regularly though, right?”

“Oh, yes.” Her head bobs up and down ardently. “Almost every weekend during the season, which is half the year. He calls me every single day, too. Ben is just about the best son a mother could ask for. Sure, he was a handful growing up, what with all his chasing girls and mischief. But he’s the most loyal, honest young man. That’s not just his mama saying that. It’s the truth. The boy is a terrible liar, even on those rare occasions when he probably should lie or just keep quiet. Now, if I could just get him to settle down with a nice girl, I’d be thrilled.”

“I don’t know that Ben’s in any rush to settle down.” Ever. What would it actually be like to have Ben 100 percent of the time, with no worries? Would he be who he is today? Would he change?

I feel her eyes on me. “He’s just afraid that he’ll be like his father. He couldn’t live with himself if he hurt someone like Josh hurt me. The thing is, Ben isn’t capable of hurting a woman like that. His heart is just too darn big.”

I know I shouldn’t ask, but I’m asking. “Why . . . I mean, how did you put up with it for all those years?” I’m dying to know what would possess a woman like Wilma—who seems so strong and self-sufficient—to stay with Ben’s father for so long.

A thick silence fills the air. I glance over to see her sad smile, a far-off look in her blue eyes. “Because I fell in love with a man. And then I held on to the memory of him, long after that man was gone,” she murmurs, a soft, sad smile touching her lips. “It wasn’t always like this. Joshua was the handsome, intense boy in high school that all the girls wanted to date. I thought I had died and gone to heaven when he walked up to me after class one day and asked me to go to the drive-in with him that weekend. I mean, I was the plain Jane orange farmer’s daughter. What could he possibly see in me? I can still remember that first night—the smell of his cologne, the blue of his eyes, his quiet smile, the way it felt to have his arm around me. You’d think he was a movie star or something, the awe I felt. It was ridiculous.”

“I was like that with my ex-husband,” I murmur softly. Right down to the shock and awe.

A hand reaches out and pats my forearm lovingly. “Ben mentioned something to me about that. I’m so sorry.” Pulling back, she goes on. “Joshua and I got married right out of high school and moved onto the grove with my parents. I was an only child and I knew I was going to run this place. Joshua knew he wanted to make furniture, so it was perfect. I was pregnant with Josh Junior within two months. The others followed like dominoes. Did Ben tell you that I had all five children in seven years?”

I nod.

“Joshua had a very healthy appetite.” She chuckles. “I guess Ben didn’t fall far from the apple—well, orange,” she holds up a fruit—“tree in that regard.”

Oh my God. I duck my head, appreciating the wide brim of this hat to hide my red ears.

“As you can imagine, with five children running around this place and trying to take over the whole business from my parents, who were older and ready to retire, it was busy around here. Joshua seemed content building furniture and selling it. He was never a really ‘hands-on’ kind of father, but I knew it was because he had an absent father himself. He didn’t know how to play with a child.” I watch her pick through the tree for a moment, observing how swiftly she zeros in and plucks the ripe fruit, as if she could do this in her sleep.

“I had no idea he had started drinking in there. Josh was a quiet, broody man to begin with and I was naïve. I didn’t know the signs. I didn’t grow up around that sort of thing. The only alcohol in our house was champagne on Christmas morning.” She heaves a sigh. “I blamed myself for a long time. I figured I wasn’t enough for him, that I wasn’t attractive enough anymore, my body stretched out with having all these babies. Josh was still in good shape, aging gracefully. I was too preoccupied with the children and work to put on makeup and lace. When he started going out at night and coming home with lipstick on his collar, I was devastated. But I looked the other way. I cried. I convinced myself that every woman must deal with this sort of thing. And I prayed. I thanked God for giving me my life and my children and asked for his help to make me a better wife so my husband didn’t need to drink or go to other women anymore. I was stupid,” she admits more softly. “When I finally accepted that my husband had serious alcohol problems and I confronted him about it, it only got worse. He lashed out, telling me to leave him be, that he could stop if he wanted to but that it helped him suffer through the monotony of this life. And then he started drinking more.