Five Ways to Fall (Ten Tiny Breaths #4)(109)

“You have no f**king idea.” The sudden tension in his square jaw makes him all the more handsome as he dives into the bed, finding a resting spot between my thighs, his elbows digging into the mattress on either side of my shoulders. The heat radiating from his large body will no doubt counter the chill in the air.

“I haven’t stopped thinking about this all week.” One of his hands finds its way to my piercing to play with it gently, much more gently than I ever imagined him capable of. “Did you know I turned down a beauty queen?”

A tightness instantly fills my stomach. “Remember that filter you need to work on?” What happens when he doesn’t turn the beauty queen down? Or the Twinkie? What will that do to me? To us? To this? We’ll lose this forever! That’s what will happen.

I stare up at him and bite my tongue, terrified that my own filter is going to fail me. “Why?”

Curious blue eyes take in my features. It’s impossible not to notice the speed and intensity of his heart beating against my chest. Leaning down to graze his lips against mine, he answers simply, “Wasn’t into her.”

“Not into a beauty queen? Impossible.” I take a deep, calming breath. I could read so much into this. The fact that I want to read only one thing into it is telling. And terrifying. Why am I doing this to myself? I can’t pretend not to care when I do. That would be like throwing all of my emotions into a jar and sealing it. Anyone who knows me can predict the guaranteed explosion, the devastating aftermath.

“I know. Shocking, isn’t it?” I catch the twinkle in his eye. It fades quickly. “What’s going on with you? You seem off.”

“I saw Jared tonight,” I suddenly blurt out. I guess that’s as good a place as any to start.

Ben’s hand, now cupping a breast, freezes. I catch the bob of his Adam’s apple with a hard swallow. “And?”

“He told me that he loves me. He regrets ever breaking up and he wants me back.”

Ben’s forehead dips to rest against mine. We lie like that, in complete silence, as the thunder rolls on outside, the storm still increasing in intensity. It’s either the slowest or the longest storm I’ve ever witnessed, most in Florida hitting hard and fast before moving on quickly.

Finally, he heaves a sigh and lifts his head to look out the window, the light stubble dusting his jaw visible with the flashes of bright light. “I should have known this would happen,” he mumbles, his head shake almost indiscernible. “Serves me f**king right, doesn’t it?”

I frown as he rolls off me, taking all his warmth and affection, and lands on his back. One hand slides behind his head. “Did I just miss something?”

Ben’s soft laughter fills the dimly lit attic. “Talk about irony. You know, when Mama and Elsie started riding my ass about me having feelings for you, I kept brushing them off.” His head lolls to the side, sad eyes on mine. “Now that I’ve finally admitted to myself that I want more, I have no chance. Do I?”

My heart feels like it just swelled two sizes. What? Did I just hear that right?

Ben wants something more? I prop myself up on my elbows as a swirl of confusion and exhilaration rips through me like a tornado. But then . . . “What the f**k are you talking about?”

He throws a hand up and states matter-of-factly, “You’re here to tell me that you’re getting back together with that asshat, right? That’s why you came up here tonight?”

“If I were getting back together with Jared, do you think I’d be lying here, naked, with you?” I can’t help but sound annoyed with him.

There’s a long pause as he processes my words. And then he shrugs as a sheepish smile curls his lip. “I dunno. Figured you were maybe giving me one last ride before you took it away?”

“No, you . . . ugh!” I roll my eyes as I fall back onto the pillow. This couldn’t have possibly played out better. Not five minutes ago I was terrified of Ben seeing how I truly feel, and now he’s gone and confessed that it’s not one-sided.

This changes everything.

“So, you’re saying that you’re not getting back together with him?” he asks cautiously.

“No!” Suddenly I feel like laughing as the tension slides out of my body, making way for the rash of butterflies that have taken flight.

Beside me, I hear a quiet mutter of “Thank God” escape his lips, followed louder by, “Why not?”

“Because of this jackass I picked up in Cancún. That’s why.” And there it is. Not exactly romantic, but Ben and I have never been about waxing poetic.

“Seriously? Wait . . . I’m the jackass, right?”

When I sigh with exasperation, he rolls onto me to assume his previous position, the wide grin back on his face. “So, what does this mean exactly?”

I chew the inside of my mouth as I consider my next words. We’ve always been about blunt honesty. There’s no point changing now. “It means I want your womanizing mama’s-boy football-player butt all to myself and if I catch you with any Twinkies or beauty queens or anyone else, you’d better run far and fast because I will hunt you down.”

His fingers brush wayward strands of hair off my face. “You know I’d never even consider this if I thought I could hurt you like that, right?”

I can only manage a nod, but it’s enough. For all the faults that people could find in Ben, they’ll never find someone with a bigger, kinder heart then his.