Five Ways to Fall (Ten Tiny Breaths #4)(103)
He gestures behind him absently as he explains. “I just stopped by your office, hoping to catch you before you left for the day. Some lady with a big mole said you’d probably be here.”
Mrs. Cooke. I told her I was taking a break and then I’d be back. I’m actually planning on working late tonight, to make up for whatever I miss tomorrow while at the funeral. And because I’ve gotten very little done, since I’ve been busy fantasizing like a moron.
Sitting up, I self-consciously adjust my shirt as Jared folds his tall body into the other chair. “I don’t remember you liking limes,” he murmurs, shaking his head, a little crease lining his forehead.
“I don’t remember you dressing like a Nordstrom mannequin.” Seriously, what the hell is he wearing? A dark green sport coat and what I can only describe as “trousers.” I mean, he still looks good, but he’s never been the metrosexual guy, preferring the “I just picked these clothes up off the floor and don’t I still look hot” style.
“Couldn’t walk into a law firm looking like a welder, now, could I?” He pauses, glancing around. “Where’s your lawyer boyfriend?”
Is that what this little getup is about? Is he feeling inferior to Ben? I grit my teeth against the smile. And then I remember that Ben isn’t mine and probably never will be, and the smile runs off on its own. “At his mother’s. His father died last weekend.”
“Oh.” He frowns. I note that there’s no “sorry” attached to that. It would be the polite thing to say. Then again, I was usually the one picking up on manners where Jared lacked.
He settles a heavy gaze on me, his face unreadable. “So I learned all about Facebook privacy settings last weekend.”
I feel my cheeks burn as I avert my gaze to a miniature palm tree next to our table. I haven’t dared look at his profile since last week, preferring ignorance over seeing a picture of a restraining order that I figured he was filing against me.
After a really long, unbearably awkward silence, I realize that he’s waiting for my response. So I clear my throat and offer, “I warned you, didn’t I? You never can be too careful about the crazies.”
He dips his head. “I probably should be f**king furious with you, Reese.” Peering up from under heavy lids, he admits, “But I’m not. I deserve it. I deserved having the apartment trashed. I deserve sitting there and watching that ass**le suck your face in front of me.”
A spike of annoyance jumps inside me, the need to defend Ben overpowering. “Ben hasn’t done anything to you.”
Jared’s knowing glare makes me correct that. “Okay, fine. But in his defense, he had no idea who you were.”
A smile quirks Jared’s lips. “Fair enough. If it were you and me out there and we came across a couple going at it, we would have done the exact same thing. Maybe with a little less passion, but . . .” His words drift off in a wry tone.
“What did Caroline say about it?” I dare ask.
“I’m not telling her.” He reaches forward to rest his hands on the table, only inches from mine. Something tells me it’s a very conscious move on his part.
“And does she know that you’re here now?”
“She doesn’t own me, Reese.” He heaves a sigh. “We haven’t talked in a few days. She’s staying at her friend’s house right now. I just . . .” His face pinches together as he closes the gap to take my hand. “I knew the day I ran in to you here that I’d made a f**king huge mistake. I should never have left you. I want you back.”
“Huh.” That’s all I can manage as I slump back into my chair, all ability to speak gone as a nauseating swirl of emotion rises in my chest. This is not what I expected. Back? “Back for what?” I hear myself ask out loud and immediately bite my tongue.
His shoulders sag as if relieved of some huge weight. “Please just give me another chance. I know you want to.”
“What makes you so sure?” Because suddenly, I’m not so sure, either.
“Oh, come on.” A slow, seductive smile curls his lips as he reaches forward and entwines his long fingers through mine. He knows that smile has the power to melt all of my defenses. I’ve told him as much a thousand times. “Lurking on Facebook, hunting me down at paintball. The way you walked into that bar in your little red dress, flipping your hair around like you didn’t have a care in the world, getting up on the stage. You knew that’d get my attention. And you did. Now I’m giving you what you want.” He pulls my hand up to his mouth, until the heat from his mouth is dampening my skin. Just like he always used to do. “I can’t stop thinking about you. You know we were amazing together.”
It’s strange. I’ve pictured this moment before—though Jared was much more contrite in my version—and it always came with a euphoric high. Now, though, I’m not feeling euphoria. Not unless anxiety and guilt is a part of the emotional package.
“Yeah, we were great together. And then you crushed me by cheating on me. And then marrying the girl!” I shake my head as I pull my hand away from him. “And now you’re ready to cheat on her—your wife—with me?”
Resting his elbows on the table, he begins rubbing his face with both hands. “I can’t help who I love and I never stopped loving you, Reese. I just thought I loved Caroline more. But I don’t.” His hands drop. “Not the same way that I love you. Please, give me another chance. Just . . . come back to my place. Let’s talk more.”