Firestarter(15)

"Was there anything?"

"There was one boy who had a muscular reaction, minor but quite painful," the GA said. "It passed in less than fifteen minutes with no harm done. But there's a witchhunt atmosphere around here now. End the draft, ban ROTC, ban Dow Chemical job recruiters because they make napalm... Things get out of proportion, and I happen to think this is pretty important research."

"Who was the guy?"

"Now you know I can't tell you that. All I am saying is please remember you were under the influence of a mild hallucinogenic. Don't go mixing up your drug-induced fantasies with reality and then start spreading the combination around."

"Would I be allowed to do that?" Andy asked.

The GA looked puzzled. "I don't see how we could stop you. Any college experimental program is pretty much at the mercy of its volunteers. For a lousy two hundred bucks we can hardly expect you to sign an oath of allegiance, can we?"

Andy felt relief. If this guy was lying, he was doing a really superlative job of it. It had all been a series of hallucinations. And on the cot beside his, Vicky was beginning to stir. "Now what about it?" the GA asked, smiling. "I think I'm supposed to be asking the questions."

And he did ask questions. By the time Andy finished answering them, Vicky was fully awake, looking rested and calm and radiant, and smiling at him. The questions were detailed. Many of them were the questions Andy himself would have asked.

So why did he have the feeling they were all window dressing?

14

Sitting on a couch in one of the smaller Union lounges that evening, Andy and Vicky compared hallucinations.

She had no memory of the thing that troubled him the most: that bloody hand waving limply above the knot of white tunics, striking the chart, and then disappearing. Andy had no recollection of the thing that was most vivid to her: a man with long blond hair had set up a folding table by her cot, so that it was just at her eye level. He had put a row of great big dominoes on the table and said, "Knock them down, Vicky. Knock them all down." And she had raised her hands to push them over, wanting to oblige, and the man had gently but firmly pressed her hands back down on her chest. "You don't need your hands, Vicky," he had said. "Just knock them down." So she had looked at the dominoes and they had all fallen over, one after the other. A dozen or so in all.

"It made me feel very tired," she told Andy, smiling that small, slantwise smile of hers. "And I had gotten this idea somehow that we were discussing Vietnam, you know. So I said something like, 'Yes, that proves it, if South Vietnam goes, they all go.' And he smiled and patted my hands and said, 'Why don't you sleep for a while, Vicky? You must be tired.' So I did." She shook her head... "But now it doesn't seem real at all. I think I must have made it up entirely or built a hallucination around some perfectly normal test. You don't remember seeing him, do you? Tall guy with shoulder-length blond hair and a little scar on his chin?"

Andy shook his head.

"But I still don't understand how we could share any of the same fantasies," Andy said, "unless they've developed a drug over there that's telepathic as well as an hallucinogenic. I know there's been some talk about that in the last few years... the idea seems to be that if hallucinogens can heighten perception..." He shrugged, then grinned. "Carlos Castaneda, where are you when we need you?"

"Isn't it more likely that we just discussed the same fantasy and then forgot we did?" Vicky asked. He agreed it was a strong possibility, but he still felt disquieted by the whole experience. It had been, as they say, a bummer. Taking his courage in his hands, he said, "The only thing I really am sure of is that I seem to be falling in love with you, Vicky."

She smiled nervously and kissed the corner of his mouth. "That's sweet, Andy, but"

"But you're a little afraid of me. Of men in general, maybe."

"Maybe I am," she said.

"All I'm asking for is a chance."

"You'll have your chance," she said. "I like you, Andy. A lot. But please remember that I get scared. Sometimes I just... get scared." She tried to shrug lightly, but it turned into something like a shudder.

"I'll remember," he said, and drew her into his arms and kissed her. There was a moment's hesitation, and then she kissed back, holding his hands firmly in hers.

15

"Daddy!" Charlie screamed.

The world revolved sickly in front of Andy's eyes. The sodium arc lamps lining the Northway were below him, the ground was above him and shaking him loose. Then he was on his butt, sliding down the lower half of the embankment like a kid on a slide. Charlie was below him rolling helplessly over and over.

Oh no, she's going to shoot right out into the traffic-

"Charlie!" he yelled hoarsely, hurting his throat, his head. "Watch it!"

Then she was down, squatting in the breakdown lane, washed by the harsh lights of a passing car, sobbing. A moment later he landed beside her with a solid whap! that rocketed all the way up his spine to his head. Things doubled in front of his eyes, tripled, and then gradually settled down.

Charlie was sitting on her haunches, her head cradled in her arms.

"Charlie," he said, touching her arm. "It's all right, honey."