Fire Inside (Chaos #2)(82)

I knew this. I’d heard about Naomi from Ty-Ty. And from what I heard, Hop was not wrong. She was one serious bitch.

Hop went on. “Most of the boys know Naomi went at Tack and Tabby with equal venom, so she is not our favorite person, so much so, she’d been warned off Chaos. But Shy, swear to Christ, that woman walked in, thought Shy was gonna rip her head off. No hesitation, he had her out the door and was in her face, so harsh, the bitch didn’t say a f**kin’ word, and Naomi’s got an arsenal of words and she uses ‘em as weapons. Not a peep. Got in her car and went. Knew Shy was a good brother, outside this shit with Tab, more than pulls his weight, he’s smart, got no fear, that’s why I backed him to recruit but I had no idea he had that in him.”

I smiled. “Love makes you able to do a lot of things you didn’t think you had in you.”

His fingers dug into my skin as his eyes went intense. I realized what I said and felt my smile die away.

“Baby,” he murmured.

Really not wanting to be on this one, I quickly changed the subject again. “I think this all sounds good, Hopper. I know it’s a shock. You all have known Tabby since she was a little girl so it’ll take time for you to adjust to the fact that she isn’t a little girl anymore. But nothing you said is bad. Everything you said, honey, if you listen to your words, isn’t good either. It’s great. Willing to give up his cut, dealing with her mom. That’s beautiful.”

“You’re missing my point,” he said gently.

“I know,” I whispered.

He pulled in a breath through his nose.

Then he stated, “That scene we had where I watched that monster tear into you, lady, you gotta know I don’t wanna take you back there but this shit is goin’ on too long.”

Oh no.

This wasn’t happening. Not now. Maybe in a week. Or three. Or one hundred and fifty.

“I’m not ready,” I stated hurriedly.

“My job to make you ready.”

I clenched my teeth and looked away.

“Lanie, baby, look at me.”

I looked back and he dipped his face close.

“You need to talk to Tyra and not about us.”

That feeling swelled inside me, growing, taking over. “Hop—”

“She does not blame you.”

“Please stop talking.”

He shut his mouth. Then he shifted to put the bottle of bourbon on the counter and came back to me, lifting his other hand to curl it around my neck and his face again came close.

“Hold it back, hold it at bay, for now, control it like you got to, lady, but do all that letting this in,” he started and I didn’t think that was a good start so I braced.

It was good I did.

“I have never been shot. I have never watched someone I love die. But I have carried the burden of feelin’ I f**ked up and someone got hurt because of it.”

“Hop—” I tried.

“Listen, lady,” he whispered.

I shut my mouth.

Hop kept going.

“Black got whacked because my girls talked. I struggled with that for a long time. He left two boys and an old lady, the Club takes care of them but that’s not enough. That’ll never be enough. She hasn’t moved on. She loved him so goddamned much, she unraveled and she never wound herself back together. That weighed heavy on me, baby, until Tack noticed and we talked it out. He made me get that I didn’t drill rounds into our brother and I didn’t yap to the wrong people, puttin’ him in danger. I did my job, carrying out the orders he gave me. He told me he also carried the same weight because he gave the orders that led to Black being brought down. But the bottom line for both of us was, we didn’t do the deed. You did what you thought was right, Lanie. But you never stuck your girl with a knife. You gotta let that shit go.”

“Will you stop talking now?” I asked, my voice small.

I understood logically what he was saying but for some, malevolent reason, that monster in me fed on the guilt and it was growing out of control.

I knew Hop saw this when he replied, “I will but I’m givin’ you fair warning, you’ve had time. That time is runnin’ out. You mean somethin’ to me in a way, for a man, he wants the world to know it. I’m proud you’re on my arm and in my bed and I want to share that with my family. Don’t keep takin’ that away from me.”

I stared into his eyes as the monster deflated inside me.

Poof!

Then I tucked my chin and planted my forehead in his chest.

Oh God.

I was in love.

God. I’d fallen in love with Hopper Kincaid.

“You gonna find it in you to help me slay that monster?” he asked, his arms moving around me.

No, I probably wasn’t.

I just knew right then Hop had it in him to do it.

Still, I answered, “Yes, Hop. But give me a few more days. Okay?”

“You got it, baby.”

You got it, baby.

I had it.

I love you, I thought but the words didn’t come out.

Instead, I wrapped my arms around him and held tight.

“What’re we doin’ for dinner?” he asked.

I closed my eyes and held tighter.

He was letting it be.

I so totally loved him.