Fighting For You (Danvers #4)(53)
Instead, Mac settled back in his chair and took a moment before replying. “Yeah, you’re right. I’m not exactly a great example, but at least it’s not from lack of trying. I’ve loved Ava since we were kids and I know she loves me in her own way. Sometimes it’s just not enough. I’ve . . . been thinking of moving on with my life. I’m not getting any younger.” Pointing to Evan, he added, “and I wouldn’t mind having one of those at some point.”
Surprised, Declan said, “That was about the last thing I expected to hear from you. I never thought you’d throw in the towel there. Maybe you should talk to her before you do that.”
Giving him a sad smile, Mac said, “Why? For years she’s kept me—and every other man—at arm’s length. She’s . . . well, she’s like you, Dec. She has sex with a guy, and then moves on. She doesn’t do it near as often as you, but it never happens more than once.”
“You can’t know that for sure.”
Smirking, Mac said, “Come on, I run a security company. You should know I’ve kept a tail on her for years. I hate like hell to read those reports sometimes, but I won’t let anyone else hurt her, man, I can’t. Even if I hadn’t promised your grandfather to watch over her, I would have anyway. She’ll always be mine, even when I move on.”
Declan tipped his beer back before replying. “Is there anyone normal among us? I guess Brant is about it, even though he’s as strange as they come.”
Mac grimaced. “Boy, that’s just sad isn’t it? So what about you? When will you finally move on?”
“I don’t have anything to move on from. No long lost loves or anything.”
“Dec, give me some credit for knowing more about you than the average person you bullshit. You may not have an Ava in your past, but you damn sure have a Craig, which is probably worse. When are you going to deal with all that baggage and move forward? You know he wouldn’t want this for you.”
“I’m fine. I was the way I am years before Craig came along.”
“You might have had some of the usual issues, but Craig changed you. We were all there, Dec, and everyone hated it like hell. You just took everyone’s guilt though and carried it. Nothing you could have done would have saved him. If it hadn’t been that day, then it would have been another one.”
Declan jumped to his feet which made Evan give him an uneasy look. He gave him a reassuring smile before lowering his voice. “Craig had a family waiting for him. I promised I would get him back home to his wife, and I failed her and him. How am I supposed to move on with my life when I ruined someone else’s?”
“You need to go see Amy.”
“Amy? As in Craig’s Amy?
Nodding, Mac said, “Yeah. I still check on her and the kid on a regular basis. They’re both doing really well. She went back to school and finished her teaching degree and now she teaches kindergarten. She asks about you every time we talk. She really appreciates the money you sent them.”
Declan stared off into space, thinking of the woman and child that he barely knew. Craig had wanted them to have their own place and not have to depend on her father. It had been important to Declan to make sure that dream came true for Amy after Craig died. “She doesn’t want to see me. She probably hates my guts.”
“You’re the only one who feels that way, bro. I . . . actually, Amy is going to be up here on vacation next month and she asked if we could all get together while she’s here. She wants us to meet Renee, their daughter.”
Even as he shook his head, almost in a panic, Mac was saying, “Just think about it. You don’t have to decide right now, but you need this. You need the closure.”
“Yeah, that’s what my shrink says.”
Mac gave him a look of surprise. “You’re seeing a therapist? Shit, when did this happen?”
Nodding towards Evan he said, “About that time that he and Ella came into my life. I can’t keep losing my f**king mind in the middle of the night with one or both of them around. I was scared I could hurt someone without even waking up. I hurt Ella once when she tried to wake me up during one. I . . . I can’t risk that. I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t mention this to anyone else, especially her. I need to tell her in my own time.”
“You know I won’t, man. This might sound a bit paternal, but I’m proud of you. I know this is a big step.”
He had never been so grateful to hear his brother’s voice as he called out to them from within the apartment. No, his family never did anything normal like knock, but this was one time he wasn’t going to bust Brant’s balls over it.
As he walked past Mac, he heard him quietly say, “Promise me you’ll think about seeing Amy.” He nodded his head briefly as he walked away. Just thinking about what Mac was asking filled him with an unreasonable fear even though his therapist, like Mac, had tried to convince him that it would be good for him. He was terrified of seeing the look of hate that would surely fill Amy’s eyes.
Chapter Nineteen
Why was she so nervous? This wasn’t her first date with Declan. Heck, she didn’t think she had been even anywhere near this nervous then. He had spent Sunday with his family and Evan, and then had to go out of town on business for the rest of the week. They had talked on the phone each day, but they hadn’t been together in what seemed like ages. It was almost like starting over. She had missed feeling his arms around her. Missed burying her nose in his chest and inhaling his scent. Missed the way she always felt his lips against the top of her head when he was hugging her. He might not be a relationship guy, but when they were together, she felt cherished. He took care of her and in such a low-key way that she never realized it was happening until she thought back on all of the little things he was constantly doing for her.