Fighter(16)

He waved me off. “Trust me, it’s fine. I was an ass most of the time, and I was being one that night too. When you tossed me, that might’ve been the best thing that could’ve happened. Losing you was a wake-up call. You ripped my heart out, but thank you for that. I mean it.”

Oh god. I had no idea what to say. Then I felt tears threatening to spill, and I shook my head. That’d be more mortifying than anything else. I fanned myself, thinking funny thoughts so I wouldn’t cry. Dylan sacking Haley. Dylan getting sacked in the junk. That helped a little.

When I knew the tears had stalled, I started. “Jax, that night—”

He held up a hand. “You were right. I was drunk, getting into fights all the time. And that night, I had no right to do what I did.”

Oh boy. This conversation had been avoided for a reason. Now I knew it was time. Holy hell. This was going to burn. “You slept with a friend of mine.”

“No.” He shook his head. Leaning forward, he rested his elbows on his knees, his eyes piercing through the darkness. “I didn’t. I’m not lying to you. I really didn’t. Susannah told you that, but it was a lie.”

“But…” I frowned. “I saw the two of you leave. You were holding hands, and she led you into the woods.” I gestured outside. Even though it was dark, I could see the trees in the moonlight. “Right over there. I saw you.”

“She kissed me. That was it. I thought it was you holding my hand. Do you remember how drunk I was?”

“But—” Anger crept in. “What happened then, if you didn’t sleep with her?”

“Nothing. As soon as she kissed me, I knew it wasn’t you. I shoved her away and left.”

The whole thing played out in my head again: She’d been holding his hand, leading him into the woods, and Jax had been laughing, but he was talking to his friends. He wasn’t looking at her—I hadn’t even thought about it. I’d stood there, watching him follow her into the woods, and I saw the outline of them. They were pressed together, and I heard a moan.

I left after that. Too many fights. Jax’s reputation was as the best, and I’d grown tired of the guys who always wanted to try to best the best—and the girls. God, the girls. There were so many. I’d fought a lot of them myself. Some of those nights were spent in jail, some weren’t, but either way, I was bloody and bruised afterward. Physical pain was always better than the other pain. Always.

I brushed away a tear.

“I came out and saw you leaving,” Jax said softly.

I nodded. That was right. He’d found me in the parking lot, even more drunk than I’d been earlier. “I was trying to erase that image of you and her together,” I whispered.

“I didn’t know you’d seen us. I just saw you leaving.”

My hand curled around the present. “What is this?”

He shrugged again, but grimaced. “It’s...something I should’ve given to you anyway. I’m sorry it took so long.”

“Jax?”

He cursed and hissed as he flexed his hand. His knuckles were swelling.

“There’s an ice pack in the freezer,” I murmured, holding the present tight to my chest.

“Yeah.” He stood and moved toward the kitchen. Pausing behind me, he touched my shoulder. “I’m sorry for being a dumbass kid for so long. I have changed, despite this weekend. I really have, Dale.”

Dale. Not Doily.

My chest swelled with emotion I didn’t want to name. I cursed in my head. I shouldn’t have helped him. Jax was a weakness of mine. I’d been stupid to think I could guard myself from him.

I heard him in the kitchen and wiped another tear from my eye. But as I opened the gift, I realized I shouldn’t have bothered. I took one look at a pendant with a picture of my mother and the birthstone we shared and just lost it. Bending over, clasping the pendant to my heart, I let everything go.

“Hey…” He kneeled beside me. He touched my shoulder and lifted my chin up. “Hey.”

I looked at him, but couldn’t talk. The tears clogged my throat.

“Oh.” He took the pendant and traced his thumb over it. “Yeah, I know how much you still miss her. I’d been messing up so much. I wanted to make it up to you somehow, so I used some of the money I’d won from a fight. I hid it in the bathroom, behind the cupboard’s wall. Did you know that’s been broken for years? I thought it would’ve been fixed, but I checked it just now. It wasn’t, and this was still there.”

The cupboard wall was broken? A chuckle left me. I had no idea. For some reason, the fact that the only one who knew was my ex-boyfriend struck me as hilarious, and I bent over, pealing in laughter.

“Uh…” Jax leaned back. His hand patted my back awkwardly. “Yeah. Imagine that. Still there.”

I shook my head, still cackling. He didn’t know why I was laughing. I didn’t either. Then the tears started again. Sitting back up, I took a few gasping breaths and tried to stop everything: the crying, the laughing, the snort I felt coming. I wiped some of the tears from my face. After my emotions calmed a little, I turned to him with a soft smile. “Thank you.”

He grinned. “Yeah.” He shifted closer, and his hand lifted to cup the side of my face. “Merry Christmas, Doily.”