Fallen Too Far (Rosemary Beach #1)(20)

My heart pounded against my chest painfully. The sorrow in his eyes wasn't something I had been able to see outside. In here I could see emotion in those silver depths. His forehead was creased as if something was hurting him.

"What if I want you to touch me? Maybe I'm not so untouched. Maybe I'm already tainted." My body was pretty much untouched but staring up into Rush's eyes I wanted to ease his ache. I didn't want him to stay away from me. I wanted to make him smile. That beautiful face shouldn't look so haunted.

He ran a finger down the side of my face and traced the curve of my ear then brushed his thumb over my chin. "I've been with a lot of girls, Blaire. Trust me, I've never met one as f**king perfect as you. The innocence in your eyes screams at me. I want to peel every inch of your clothing off and bury myself inside you but I can't. You saw me tonight. I'm a screwed up sick bastard. I can't touch you."

I had seen him tonight. I'd seen him the other night too. He screwed lots of girls, but me he didn't want to touch. He thought I was too perfect. I was on a pedestal and he wanted to keep me there. Maybe he should. I couldn't sleep with him and not give him a piece of my heart. He was already weaseling his way in. If I let him have my body he could hurt me in a way no one had ever been able to. My guard would be down.

"Okay," I said. I wasn't going to argue. This was right. "Can we at least be friends? I don't want you to hate me. I'd like to be friends." I sounded pathetic. I was so lonely I'd stooped to begging for friends.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I'll be your friend. I'll try my damnedest to be your friend but I have to be careful. I can't get too close. You make me want things I can't have. That sweet little body of yours feels too incredible tucked underneath me," he dropped his voice and lowered his mouth to my ear, "and the way you taste. It's addictive. I dream about it. I fantasize about it. I know you'll be just as delicious in... other... places."

I leaned into him and closed my eyes as his breathing grew heavy in my ear. "We can't. Fuck me. We can't. Friends, sweet Blaire. Just friends," he whispered then pushed away from me and stalked toward the stairs. I leaned back against the wall and watched him walk away. I wasn't ready to move just yet. My body was sizzling from his words and his closeness.

"I don't want you under those damn stairs. I hate it. But I can't move you up here. I'll never be able to stay away from you. I need you safely tucked away," he said without looking back at me. His hands gripped the railing on the staircase until his knuckles turned white. He stood there one more minute before shoving himself off and running the rest of the way up the stairs. When I heard a door slam I sunk to the floor.

"Oh, Rush. How are we going to do this? I need a distraction," I whispered into the empty foyer. I needed to find someone else to focus on. Someone that wasn't Rush. Someone that was available. It was the only way I was going to keep from falling too far. Rush was dangerous to my heart. If we were going to be friends then I needed to find someone else to focus my attention on. And fast.

Chapter Ten

Darla had not been happy about my move to the dining room. She wanted me on the course. She also wanted me overseeing Bethy. According to Bethy she wasn't seeing Jace anymore. She'd met him for coffee because he'd called her twenty times that afternoon. She told him if she was going to be his dirty little secret then it was over. He'd begged and pleaded but refused to acknowledge her to his circle of friends so she dumped him. I was so proud.

Tomorrow was my day off and Bethy had already come looking for me to make sure we were still on for the honky-tonk. Of course we were. I needed a man, any man to get my thoughts off Rush.

I followed around Jimmy around all day. He trained me. He was attractive, tall, charismatic and very g*y. The members of the club didn't know this though. He flirted with the women shamelessly. They ate it up. He would look back at me and wink when one would whisper naughty things in his ear. The guy was a playboy and a good one at that.

Once his shift was over we headed back to the staff breakroom and hung up the long black aprons we had to wear over our uniform. "You're going to be brilliant, Blaire. The men love you and the women are impressed by you. No offense sugar, but girls with hair as platinum blond as yours normally can't walk a straight line without giggling."

I smiled at him. "Is that so? I take offense to that comment."

Jimmy rolled his eyes and reached out to pat my head. "No, you don't. You know you're one badass blond bombshell."

"Already making a move on the new server, Jim?" Woods' familiar voice asked. Jimmy gave him a cocky grin.

"You know better than that. I got a specific taste," he let his voice drop to a sexy whisper as he trailed his eyes down Woods' body.

I glanced back at Woods who was scowling uncomfortably and I couldn't help but laugh. Jimmy joined me. "Love making the straight boys squirm," he whispered in my ear, then slapped my butt and walked out the door.

Woods rolled his eyes and walked further into the room once Jimmy was gone. Apparently, he was aware of Jimmy's sexual preference. 

"Did you enjoy your day?" he asked politely.

I had enjoyed my day. Immensely. It was a much easier job than sweating it out in the heat dealing with leering old men all day.  "Yes. It was great. Thank you for making it possible for me to work in here."