Fallen Crest Public (Fallen Crest High #3)(94)

“Sam?”

“Mmm?”

He had turned away, and his hand gripped the steering wheel tightly. “Next time you’re pissed at me, can you do me a favor?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t go to Logan.” His eyes moved to mine and held them captive. My mouth dropped open as he stole my breath away. That hand went back into my chest and squeezed, but it was a different pain this time. It was from the pain I caused him.

I nodded. “I’m sorry.”

“He’s my brother. You’re my other half. I can’t …”

When he struggled for words, I reached for his hand. I started to go to him, but my ribs protested, so I gripped his hand as tight as I could. “I won’t ever do that again. I promise.”

He nodded, but I saw that he couldn’t say anything.

“Mason,” I whispered.

“What?”

“I’m sorry for that.”

He nodded again, exhaling a deep breath at the same time.

“That must’ve looked,” horrible “not good.”

A harsh laugh came from him. “Probably the same as you seeing me with Kate.”

The anger began to flood back in, but I didn’t want to think about it. I felt bad for her, but he was right. Kate got what she had coming to her, and whatever else was going to happen, it wasn’t me. Mason took care of me again. The magnitude of everything that had happened over the last few weeks rushed in, and I grew overwhelmed. “Let’s go to bed.”

As we went inside, the lights were left off, and I took his hand, leading him to my room.

I hadn’t taken full inventory of my room my first night back, but taking Mason to it made me look at it through new eyes. My desk was covered in old pictures: Jeff. Lydia. Jessica. All four of us at various events and Jeff’s football games. Jessica and Lydia were both on the cheerleading squad our freshman year. I was the only one not in a uniform. I hadn’t cared then, but now it struck me. Had I always been the odd one out?

Mason went to sit on my bed, and I held my breath.

My quilt was patched together with different patterns and colors. My grandmother made it before she died, and it was an item I was surprised Analise let me keep. As she handed it over to me, her jealousy had me clutching it close. I had come home every day for a year wondering when she was going to ruin it. She never did, but as Mason stretched over it, it looked too old-fashioned for him. My entire room was too old-fashioned.

“What’s wrong?” He followed my gaze as I studied my old books. “Babysitters Club?”

“I used to read a lot.” I used to do a lot of other things, but that seemed so long ago. I sat beside him and felt him take my hand. “I’m seeing everything through your eyes. It must seem so …”

“This was your home, Sam.”

I ended with, “Childish.”

“Why do you think that?”

Gesturing to my desk with my old books, my old CDs, the pictures, even my old backpacks. “Analise told me not to bring a lot of my stuff. She said it was pointless. That none of my stuff would fit in at the Kade house. Your place was too modern and wealthy. My stuff would remind everyone of how poor we were.”

He laughed, tipping my head up to his. “I never thought you were poor.”

“You didn’t? You could’ve. I forget sometimes that you come from money.”

“Why does that matter?”

“It doesn’t.” But it did.

“Then why’d you look away just now? Sam,” he brought me back to face him, “money is just padding. It can be used to shelter you from some things, but there’s no sheltering from other things like love and kindness. Money has no effect on the real stuff.”

“Is Helen going to buy that house? Nate’s old house?”

“Wait. Where’d that come from?”

Money was important to her. Helen Malbourne would never approve of me; she didn’t think I was good enough for Mason. “I know she’s there. It’s another thing you didn’t tell me this past week.”

“Oh.” His hand fell away from my face. “You don’t trust me now?”

After all he had done, that was the last thing I should be feeling. “No. I’m sorry.”

“Sam.”

I sighed on the inside. Would I ever be secure enough?

“Sam.”

“What?”

“Look at me.”

I refused, glancing at my hands. Twisting them in my lap, I looked again after he gently nudged me with his shoulder. He smiled at me. Seeing the tenderness in his gaze, I melted inside. Then he murmured as he drew closer to me, “You have baggage. I understand. Your mom betrayed you. Both of your dads left you. Your two best friends and your ex screwed you over. I start keeping secrets, and you see me kissing another girl. I get it. I’m sorry for making you doubt me.”

“This week sucked.”

He laughed, capturing my hand again and bringing it onto his lap. He held it with both of his. “The past couple weeks have sucked.”

“Is it done?”

“Who knows?”

I cracked a grin. “That’s not very reassuring.”

“Whatever else happens, we’ll deal. We always do.” Turning to me, he lifted me onto his lap and scooted back until he was resting against my headboard. For some reason, sheltered in his arms in my old room gave me a peaceful feeling. My old and new had combined and somehow that was all I’d needed. He pressed a kiss to the side of my head. “You don’t believe me?”