Enticed by His Forgotten Lover (Pregnancy & Passion #1)(38)

“No,” she said in a low voice. “It wasn’t just sex.”

“Then what was it?”

She raised her head and stared down into his eyes. “It was making love, Rafael. I love you. You loved me. I’d like to think that didn’t just go away. Some things the heart knows even if the mind hasn’t accepted it or has blocked it out.”

“It scares the hell out of me that something this huge could be forgotten. I haven’t loved anyone before.”

“Never?”

He shook his head. “I’m sure I loved my parents in the beginning. I don’t hate them now. I just don’t think about them, the same way they don’t think about me. I was an inconvenience. They were merely the people who gave me my DNA. It sounds cold, but it is what it is. I’m not saying that because I’m harboring some horrible psychological defect because my mommy doesn’t love me. I’m merely saying that I’ve never deeply loved anyone and now that I supposedly have, I forgot it? It and nothing else?”

“Maybe finally falling in love was so traumatic for you that you blocked it out,” she teased.

“I can’t believe you can joke about this,” he grumbled.

“Well, it’s either laugh or cry and crying gives me a headache. Besides, you’ll remember. I think you’re already starting to. A lot of things are instinctive to you. You don’t treat me like a stranger even though for all practical purposes I am. If you really thought I was unknown to you would you be in my bed sharing your deep, dark secrets?”

“Probably not,” he admitted.

She leaned down to kiss him and then rested her head on his shoulder again. “One day at a time, Rafe. It’s all we can do and hope that each day brings us closer to the time you remember us.”

He tightened his arm around her and kissed her forehead. “I’m not sure I deserve your sweetness or your patience, but I’m damn grateful for both.”

Sixteen

When his BlackBerry rang first thing the next morning, Rafael knew by the ring tone who it was and he ignored it. Devon had called Cam in. Cam was calling to curse and yell at him that he was a moron who was thinking with his dick.

Cam was predictable if nothing else.

When his phone immediately began to ring again, Rafael cursed and leaned down as far as he could without loosening his hold on Bryony. He managed to drag his pants closer and fish the BlackBerry out. He hit the ignore button first and then hit the power button second.

His business could run without him for a couple of days. He paid many people very good money to think on their feet and be able to handle any situation that arose. It was time to give them the freedom to do what he’d hired them to do.

Oddly, in the past such an idea would make the control freak in him break out in hives. Now, he reasoned that he parted with good money so that he could occasionally enjoy a break.

Maybe Bryony was right. He didn’t have to be the person he’d always been. Furthermore, she was right in that he would make sacrifices for his son or daughter.

He didn’t want to be an absentee father. He didn’t want to be like his own father, who thought being a provider was his only obligation to his family.

There was a hell of a lot more to parenthood than providing all the material necessities. Rafael wanted to be there for all the school plays, the soccer games. He wanted to be the one to put money under his kid’s pillow when he lost a tooth and pretend that it was the tooth fairy.

He wanted to be a father. The best father he could be.

He gazed down at Bryony, whose head was pillowed on his shoulder. The morning sun shone on her skin, giving it a translucent, angelic glow. She looked at peace. She looked content. She looked…loved.

Then his mind kicked in with a screaming whoa.

No way was he falling for this woman after only a few days.

But had it been just a few days? Or was he responding to the weeks they’d spent together before?

It could be she was right. On some level he remembered her, recognized her as the woman he’d chosen. But the woman he’d fallen in love with?

He’d always considered that love was like being struck by lightning. This odd sort of contentment didn’t match with what he considered falling in love might feel like. He damn sure hadn’t thought it could be so…easy.

Easy. Yeah. Love was complicated, wasn’t it? No one managed to pull it off in a few days. It was the good sex talking.

But, no. Bryony had been right about one thing. It wasn’t just sex. Calling it that cheapened it on some level. Reduced it to the level of flirtatious, sex-only relationships he’d had in the past. A quick romp in bed, send the woman on her way. Move on to the next.

Nothing about his past experiences came even close to the way he felt about Bryony or the way he felt about making love to her.

Last night had felt like something he’d been anticipating forever. A sense of homecoming that was so keen, it had nearly flattened him. He’d been ridiculously emotional, like he wanted to go around blurting out how he felt and crap. The mere idea should have humiliated the hell out of him, but it didn’t.

Being forthright with Bryony just felt natural. She’d played it completely straight with him. He’d played it straight with her even when it had meant admitting or saying something that had hurt her.

It was weird being this honest and open with a woman—hell, with anyone. He trusted Ryan, Dev and Cam, but he never talked about intensely personal issues with them. Not that they wouldn’t listen, but that wasn’t the nature of their relationship.