Elsewhere(51)

Owen closes the door behind him and leads Liz off the porch. "You don't say a word to me all night, and then you come over here to yell at me!"

"Owen," Liz says, "I don't think it's fair what you're doing to Jen. She feels abandoned and upset."

"Oh, come on, I'm sure she's fine living with you. Jen loves you," Owen says.

"Jen may love me, but I am not her owner. She peed on my bed. Dogs who are housebroken only pee on people's beds when they're having issues."

"Well," Owen says, "I'm sorry about that."

"So when are you planning to come and get her?" Liz demands.

"Soon, soon, just as soon as Emily's settled in."

"It's been two weeks. Don't you think she's settled in enough?"

"You know Emily's allergic." Owen sighs. "I don't know what to do."

"You made a commitment to Jen. You said you would take care of her," Liz says.

"But I made a commitment to Emily long before I ever met Jen."

"Oh, for crying out loud! I am so tired of Emily!" Liz yells.

"And I think this isn't about Jen at all!" Owen yells back.

"For your information, I don't want anything to do with you. I wouldn't even be here if you hadn't left your dog with me!"

"Oh yeah?" says Owen.

"Yeah."

And then, because there is nothing left to say, they kiss. Liz wasn't sure if Owen had kissed her or if she had, in fact, kissed him. Either way, it's not quite how she imagined their first kiss would be.

When Liz finally pulls away from Owen, she sees Emily staring back at her. Emily doesn't look angry exactly, just sort of curious.

"Hello," Emily says. "I heard yelling." She smiles a very strange smile. "I guess I'll leave you two alone," she says, not unkindly.

"Emily " Owen says. But Emily is already gone. "This is all your fault!" Owen yells at Liz.

"My fault? But you kissed me."

"I mean, you being here. You existing. You're making my life so much harder," Owen says.

"What do you mean?" Liz asks.

"I loved Emily. I love her," Owen says, "and maybe if I had met you first, things would be different. But this is the way things are."

Owen sinks onto the porch steps. He looks deflated. "She's my wife, Liz. There's nothing I can do.

Even if I wanted to do something, there's nothing I can do."

"I'll keep watching Jen," Liz says before she leaves.

The Sneaker Clause

One night after work, Aldous Ghent stops by the DDA. Liz is one of Aldous's favorite advisees, and he often leaves business with her until the day's end. That evening, he finds Liz, Sadie, and Jen cooped up in Liz's office. It had rained all day, and all three are in particularly black moods. In an argument over whose water bowl was whose, Sadie had bitten Jen's back leg. Though it wasn't a bad bite, Jen's pride is wounded and now she isn't speaking to Sadie.

"Hello, ladies," Aldous says cheerily. Luckily, Aldous is the type of man who is oblivious to most people's black moods, as he is almost always in a good mood himself. "Jen, Sadie, I need to speak to Liz alone for a moment." Both dogs reluctantly get to their feet. Jen affects an inconsistent limp.

"How's Owen?" Aldous asks Liz with a knowing smile.

"I wouldn't know," Liz replies.

"What's Shakespeare say? 'The course of true love never did run smooth,' " Aldous teases her.

"I wouldn't know," Liz repeats.

"If I recall, it's from A Midsummer Nights Dream."

"We had only gotten up to Macbeth in English, then I died."

"Well, Elizabeth, we do have Shakespeare here, you know."

"The thing about Shakespeare is you can only read him if someone is making you," Liz says. "On Elsewhere, no one makes you read Shakespeare or anything else." Liz sighs. "Aldous, what do you want already?"

"I'm sure you'll find that whatever quarrel you and Owen have had will quickly mend itself," Aldous says.

"I doubt that," Liz says. "Owen's wife has arrived from Earth."

"My, that is a bump," says Aldous, momentarily fazed by Liz's revelation. And then the everpresent smile returns to his face. "When you've lived as long as I have, you'll find that the world has a way of working things out," Aldous says.

"Whatever that means," Liz says under her breath.

"I've come to remind you that next week marks the one-year anniversary of your arrival in Elsewhere," Aldous says. "So, congratulations, Elizabeth!"

"Is that all?" says Liz. Aldous always takes a ridiculously long time to get to the point. Normally she finds him amusing, but today she wants to scream.

"Well, it's just a formality really, but I need to make sure you don't want to exercise the Sneaker Clause."

"What was that again?"

"A Sneaker is a teenager or younger person who returns to Earth before his or her proper passage," says Aldous. "If you recall, you had one year to decide, and your year is just about finished."