Eclipse (Twilight #3)(28)

"I'm human," he muttered, his voice almost inaudible.

"You're not as human as Mike," I continued ruthlessly. "Do you still think that's the most important consideration?"

"It's not the same thing." Jacob didn't look away from the gray waves. "I didn't choose this."

I laughed once in disbelief. "Do you think Edward did? He didn't know what was happening to him any more than you did. He didn't exactly sign up for this."

Jacob was shaking his head back and forth with a small, quick movement.

"You know, Jacob, you're awfully self-righteous - considering that you're a werewolf and all."

"It's not the same," Jacob repeated, glowering at me.

"I don't see why not. You could be a bit more understanding about the Cullens. You have no idea how truly good they are - to the core, Jacob."

He frowned more deeply. "They shouldn't exist. Their existence goes against nature."

I stared at him for a long moment with one eyebrow raised incredulously. It was a while before he noticed.

"What?"

"Speaking of unnatural . . . ," I hinted.

"Bella," he said, his voice slow and different. Aged. I realized that he sounded suddenly older than me - like a parent or a teacher. "What I am was born in me. It's a part of who I am, who my family is, who we all are as a tribe - it's the reason why we're still here.

"Besides that" - he looked down at me, his black eyes unreadable - "I am stillhuman."

He picked up my hand and pressed it to his fever-warm chest. Through his t-shirt, I could feel the steady beating of his heart under my palm.

"Normal humans can't throw motorcycles around the way you can."

He smiled a faint, half-smile. "Normal humans run away from monsters, Bella. And I never claimed to be normal. Just human."

Staying angry with Jacob was too much work. I started to smile as I pulled my hand away from his chest.

"You look plenty human to me," I allowed. "At the moment."

"I feel human." He stared past me, his face far away. His lower lip trembled, and he bit down on it hard.

"Oh, Jake," I whispered, reaching for his hand.

This was why I was here. This was why I would take whatever reception waited for me when I got back. Because, underneath all the anger and the sarcasm, Jacob was in pain. Right now, it was very clear in his eyes. I didn't know how to help him, but I knew I had to try. It was more than that I owed him. It was because his pain hurt me, too. Jacob had become a part of me, and there was no changing that now.

Chapter 5. IMPRINT

"ARE YOU OKAY, JAKE? CHARLIE SAID YOU WERE HAVING a hard time. . . . Isn't it getting any better?"

His warm hand curled around mine. "'S not so bad," he said, but he wouldn't meet my eyes.

He walked slowly back to the driftwood bench, staring at the rainbow-colored pebbles, and pulling me along at his side. I sat back down on our tree, but he sat on the wet, rocky ground rather than next to me. I wondered if it was so that he could hide his face more easily. He kept my hand.

I started babbling to fillthe silence. "It's been so long since I was here. I've probably missed a ton of things. How are Sam and Emily? And Embry? Did Quil -?"

I broke off mid-sentence, remembering that Jacob's friend Quil had been a sensitive subject.

"Ah, Quil," Jacob sighed.

So then it must have happened - Quil must have joined the pack.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled.

To my surprise, Jacob snorted. "Don't say that to him."

"What do you mean?"

"Quil's not looking for pity. Just the opposite - he's jazzed. Totally thrilled."

This made no sense to me. All the other wolves had been so depressed at the idea of their friend sharing their fate. "Huh?"

Jacob tilted his head back to look at me. He smiled and rolled his eyes.

"Quil thinks it's the coolest thing that's ever happened to him. Part of it is finally knowing what's going on. And he's excited to have his friends back - to be part of the 'in crowd.'" Jacob snorted again. "Shouldn't be surprised, I guess. It's so Quil."

"He likes it?"

"Honestly . . . most of them do," Jacob admitted slowly. "There are definitely good sides to this - the speed, the freedom, the strength . . . the sense of - of family. . . . Sam and I are the only ones who ever felt really bitter. And Sam got past that a long time ago. So I'm the crybaby now." Jacob laughed at himself.

There were so many things I wanted to know. "Why are you and Sam different? What happened to Sam anyway? What's his problem?" The questions tumbled out without room to answer them, and Jacob laughed again.

"That's a long story."

"I told you a long story. Besides, I'm not in any hurry to get back," I said, and then I grimaced as I thought of the trouble I would be in.

He looked up at me swiftly, hearing the double edge in my words. "Will he be mad at you?"

"Yes," I admitted. "He really hates it when I do things he considers . . . risky."

"Like hanging out with werewolves."

"Yeah."

Jacob shrugged. "So don't go back. I'll sleep on the couch."