Don't Hate the Player...Hate the Game(52)

“Yeah, well I’m sorry you had a shitty childhood, but I’m not you!” I snapped.

He raised his eyebrows. “Are you so sure?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Do you remember the last time I saw you?”

“Yeah. You kept me for an entire weekend that you were playing in Atlanta.”

“Yes, but do you remember what happened after that?”

At the expression on his face, I realized he knew I remembered it all. I exhaled sharply. “Yeah, I do. But I was just a little boy. I could’ve changed my mind—I did change my mind.”

“But what made you change your mind now?”

I knew full well the reason for calling my dad was rifling through memorabilia and slurping on a milkshake.

When I didn’t answer, my dad smiled. “It’s not just because of Josh that you called me, Noah.”

“Really?”

“I knew deep down there would be a time when you’d be curious, and you’d want to see me.” He smiled. “And thankfully my prayers got answered.”

I widened my eyes. Jesus! Both literally and figuratively flashed in my mind. “You pray?”

Joe laughed. “Is that so surprising?”

“No offense, but hell yes it is. I mean, with the life you’ve led…” I snapped my mouth shut before I could say anything else hurtful.

He arched his brows at me. “I pray precisely because of the life I’ve led. The 12 Step Program and AA, do those ring a bell?”

“Oh shit, you are…I mean, you were an alcoholic?”

“Yes, I am a recovering alcoholic.”

“Wow.”

“Does that change your view of me?” he asked.

“No, I mean, I think it’s honorable you did something about it.”

Joe smiled. “I’m glad to hear you say that. It means a lot.”

Over his shoulder, I saw Maddie and Josh starting back across the field to us. I cleared my throat. “Look Joe, there’s another purpose to why I’m here today.”

“Oh?”

I nodded. “You see, Josh’s parents don’t make a whole lot of money, and the insurance isn’t covering all of his care. His parents are really in debt. I was wondering if you could—or if you might want to give them some money.”

Joe stared at me in surprise. “Really?”

“Um, yeah.”

Then as if the day hadn’t been shocking enough, my dad suddenly lunged at me. He wrapped his arms tightly around me and rocked me back and forth. “Uh, Joe,” I said, my voice constricted from his bear hug. “Could you please knock it off with the hugs? I don’t think we’re quite to that level yet.”

“Sorry,” he muttered before he jerked away. Tears shone in his eyes. “Noah, you don’t know how proud you’ve just made me.”

“For hitting you up for money?” I questioned.

He laughed. “No, not for hitting me up for money. Because of this,” he said, and pointed to my heart.

“I don’t understand.”

“No, I don’t suppose you do. See Noah, for so many years I was the guy everyone wanted me to be. The winner-take-all jock and the womanizer. But I grew tired of that. More importantly, I grew tired of being somebody I really wasn’t. I was ready for a change when I met my wife, Melissa. She showed me it was all right to be me.”

A strange feeling crashed from my head to my toes like someone had dumped a bucket of ice cold water over my head. “So it’s kinda like ‘don’t hate the player, hate the game’, right?”

Joe gave me a confused look. “What?”

“Like you were a product of what society wanted of you for a long time—even though it wasn’t who you really were deep down inside.” My heartbeat accelerated as I realized everything that Joe was saying was what Jake had been feeling.

“Yeah, I guess that’s a pretty good way to sum it up.” He smiled at me. “I’m just so glad you’re your own person, Noah. I guess I have your mother to thank for that. Maggie was always her own person. She didn’t care what society expected her to be. She always lived by her conscience.”

The extreme feelings zigzagging through my body were getting to me a little, so I replied. “Uh, okay…Thanks man.”

“No, thank you, Noah,” he replied. He stood up from his seat just as Maddie and Josh rejoined us. “So what do you all say we go find some dinner?”

I shrugged still dealing with my out-of-control emotions. “Okay then.”

Joe offered to take us to Ray’s on the River, a pretty swanky place, but in the end, we decided on the Hard Rock Café—which was more for Josh than us. While Josh had Joe talking about baseball, Joe also peppered me for questions about my life. I told him about my music, about wanting to be an engineer, and some of the other parts of my life that he had missed. He gave me his rapt attention through it all and beamed with pride at a lot of my accomplishments.

I had to say I was pretty sad to see the check come. All the awkwardness that I imagined seemed to melt away. It made me wonder what the hell all the conflict had been about to start with. But I knew it was more than that. This wasn’t a sitcom where everything was wrapped up in a neat, tidy package in a half an hour. It was going to take a lot more time to work through the issues of the last seventeen years. But deep down, I still wanted to try. In a weird way, I think Jake would have wanted me to try as well. His “new” side would have totally dug the acceptance and forgiveness between Joe and me. So for myself and for Jake, I thought I would see where it went.