Dolores Claiborne(61)

Those little pieces of cloth didn't go in the swill with the broken glass and the Johnnie Walker cap, though; those I threw in the ocean later on that day. I was across the dooryard and gettin ready to climb the porch steps when a thought hit me. Joe had grabbed onto the piece of my slip that'd been trailln out behind me suppose he still had a piece of it? Suppose it was clutched in one of the hands that was layin curled up in his lap at the bottom of the well?

That stopped me cold . . . and cold's just what I mean. I stood there in the dooryard under that hot July sun, my back all prickles and feelin zero at the bone, as some poime I read in high school said. Then Vera spoke up inside my mind again. 'Since you can't do anything about it, Dolores,' she says,

'I'd advise you to let it go.' It seemed like pretty good advice, so I went on up the steps and back inside.

I spent most of the mornin walkin around the house n out on that porch, lookin for . . . well, I dunno. I dunno what I was lookin for, exactly. Maybe I was expectin that inside eye to happen on somethin else that needed to be done or taken care of, the way it had happened on that little pile of boards. If so, I didn't see anything.

Around eleven o'clock I took the next step, which was callin Gail Lavesque up at Pinewood. I ast her what she thought of the eclipse n all, then ast how things was goin over at Her Nibs'.

'Well,' she says, 'I can't complain since I haven't seen nobody but that older fella with the bald head and the toothbrush mustache - do you know the one I mean?'

I said I did.

'He come downstairs about nine-thirty, went out back in the garden, walkin slow and kinda holdin his head, but at least up, which is more than you c'n say for the rest of em. When Karen Jolander asked him if he'd like a glass of fresh-squeezed orange-juice, he ran over to the edge of the porch n puked in the petunias. You shoulda heard him, Dolores - Bleeeeee-ahhh!'

I laughed until I almost cried, and no laughter ever felt better to me.

'They must have had quite a party when they got back from the ferry,' Gail says. 'If I had a nickel for every cigarette butt I've dumped this mornin - just a nickel, mindja - I could buy a brand-new Chevrolet. But I'll have the place spick n spiffy by the time Missus Donovan drags her hangover down the front stairs, you can count on that.'

'I know you will,' I says, 'and if you need any help, you know who to call, don't you?'

Gail give a laugh at that. 'Never mind,' she says. 'You worked your fingers to the bone over the last week - and Missus Donovan knows it as well as I do. She don't want to see you before tomorrow mornin, and neither do I.'

'All right,' I says, and then I took a little pause. She'd be expectin me to say goodbye, and when I said somethin else instead, she'd pay particular mind to it .. . which was what I wanted. 'You haven't seen Joe over there, have you?' I ast her.

'Joe?' she says. 'Your Joe?'

'Ayuh.'

'No - I've never seen him up here. Why do you ask?'

'He didn't come home last night.'

'Oh, Dolores!' she says, soundin horrified n int'rested at the same time. 'Drinkin?'

'Coss,' I says. 'Not that I'm really worried - this ain't the first time he's stayed out all night howlin at the moon. He'll turn up; bad pennies always do.'

Then I hung up, feelin I'd done a pretty fair job plantin the first seed.

I made myself a toasted cheese sandwich for lunch, then couldn't eat it. The smell of the cheese n fried bread made my stomach feel hot n sweaty.

I took two asp'rins instead n laid down. I didn't think I'd fall asleep, but I did. When I woke up it was almost four o'clock n time to plant a few more seeds. I called Joe's friends - those few that had phones, that is - and asked each one if they'd seen him. He hadn't come home last night, I said, he still wa'ant home, and I was startin to get worried. They all told me no, accourse, and every one of em wanted to hear all the gory details, but the only one I said anything to was Tommy Anderson - prob'ly because I knew Joe'd bragged to Tommy before about how he kep his woman in line, and poor simple Tommy'd swallowed it. Even there I was careful not to overdo it; I just said me n Joe'd had an argument and Joe'd most likely gone off mad. I made a few more calls that evenin, includin a few to people I'd already called, and was happy to find that stories were already startin to spread.

I didn't sleep very well that night; I had terrible dreams. One was about Joe. He was standin at the bottom of the well, lookin up at me with his white face and those dark circles above his nose that made him look like he'd pushed lumps of coal into his eyes. He said he was lonely, and kep beggin me to jump down into the well with him n keep him company.

The other one was worse, because it was about Selena. She was about four years old, n wearin the pink dress her Gramma Trisha bought her just before she died. Selena come up to me in the door-yard, I saw she had my sewin scissors in her hand. I put out my hand for em, but she just shook her head. 'It's my fault and I'm the one who has to pay,' she said. Then she raised the scissors to her face and cut off her own nose with em - snip. It fell into the dirt between her little black patent-leather shoes n I woke up screamin. It was only four o'clock, but I was all done sleepin that night, and not too stupid to know it.

At seven I called Vera's again. This time Kenopensky answered. I told him I knew Vera was expectin me that mornin, but I couldn't come in, at least not til I found out where my husband was. I said he'd gone missin two nights, and one night out drunk had always been his limit before.