Death Wish (Alexa O'Brien, Huntress #5)(4)

If Alice speaks the truth then I will likely never know my wolf. I don’t even know her name. And, for some inexplicable reason, that pains me.

I read the entry a second time and then a third. Twin flames. I had never heard the term before. I flipped ahead to the next entry, but it was about an argument with Harley, something that meant nothing to me right then. My mind was stuck on the twin flame revelation. Too impatient to keep reading in the hopes of finding more information, I jumped out of bed and ran upstairs to fetch my laptop. This question required the internet.

Arys raised his head, an inquisitive expression on his face as I jostled him about while getting settled with the computer on my lap. “What’s up, love?”

“How could you not have told me this before?” I tapped my fingers impatiently on the keyboard as the laptop went through the motions of starting up. “This can’t possibly be true.”

I typed it into Google, grateful for once that the search engine corrected my spelling. My fingers were shaky on the keys. I skimmed through the search results. For something that I’d never heard of before, a surprisingly large number of websites were devoted to the topic of twin flames.

As I made my way through the sites that looked the most promising, a strange feeling began to twist my stomach into a knot. Most sources were quick to tell me that a twin flame and a soul mate were not the same thing. Twin flames were much like a coin. Each side was just half of a whole. Neither could exist without the other.

I went cold inside as I read on. The yin yang was used to explain twin flames more frequently than anything else: Light and dark. Night and day. Life and death. Each side possessed a little of the other.

I devoured everything I could find on the subject, analyzing it all with my own personal bullshit filter. What it all boiled down to was that a twin flame union was rare and usually unsuccessful. Both halves often struggled with the immense power of their bond. It usually destroyed them. Emotional turmoil and conflict would follow the twins always, as they could never hide anything from one another. The truth was always there, deep down inside.

My lungs froze when I read that last part. Our shared memories fit that description a little too perfectly. I shook my head and tore my gaze from the screen. This could not be real. It was just too much to process.

For over a hundred years, Arys had lived with this knowledge, wondering if he would ever know me. How many times since we’d met had he wanted to tell me, knowing I would never believe him? When did he know for certain that I was the one?

It was hard to swallow. I was shocked, in disbelief. Yet, I knew it paled in comparison to whatever Arys had been feeling these past few years, knowing what we were to each other while I’d lived in sweet ignorance. It must have been hell for him.

He watched in silence as I scrolled through page after page, all of them telling me the very same thing. Could this be why I was now marked for death? Maxwell had put it together before I’d killed him. How many others knew what Arys and I were?

I gestured to the unbelievable words on the screen. “You should have said something, Arys.”

“Don’t you think I wanted to? It killed me not to blurt it out the first night we met. Or, every night thereafter.”

“If I recall correctly, you accused me of purposely entrapping you. You bastard.” I crossed my arms and glared. Let’s see him explain that one away.

Arys watched me intently as he spoke, shrugging unapologetically. “It was so hard to accept. I’d lived all these years believing I would never know you. Once we spoke with Lena, and she basically confirmed what Alice had told me, I couldn’t deny it anymore.”

“Uh huh.” I regarded him thoughtfully. “Yet, you still waited almost an entire year after that to give me the journal. You could have told me yourself.”

“And, have you refuse to believe it? No way.” Arys’s lips curved into a playful grin. “You’re hotheaded, Alexa. You’re difficult to talk to sometimes, especially when it comes to your power and your well-being. Letting you read a hundred year old journal was more dramatic and left you no room for argument.”

Mischief shone in his eyes. All it took was the right look from him to ignite the flames of desire within me, and he damn well knew it. It got him what he wanted, more often than not, but not this time.

“So what’s your excuse for pushing me to be with Shaz, then, if you knew I was always meant to be yours? Are you going to blame that on me, too?”

Arys’s smile faded. Tearing his gaze from mine, he stared across the room as if seeing something I couldn’t. “I was afraid for you, of what this will do to you. I still am. This thing that unites us, it could destroy us. I thought if you chose him, if you and I were apart, maybe you’d be better off.”

The fact that he wouldn’t look at me made me want him to look at me that much more. What would I see in his eyes? A tremor of fear shook me. Arys wasn’t alone in his concerns. I knew his fears were justified. He thought his darkness would consume me, and judging by the past few weeks, it was starting to. Still, it wasn’t his fault.

“Well, according to pretty much every site on the good ol’ world wide web, we are part of each other, and there is a reason for that. We have a purpose. It has to be worth the risks.”

“A purpose that is unknown to us and means nothing if our power destroys you.” Arys’s tone was bitter. “You’re in danger, Alexa. I can see it happening, and I know it’s my fault. If I hadn’t bound you by blood, you wouldn’t be a slave to the bloodlust. It’s like I’ve infected you with parts of me you were never meant to have.”