Deacon (Unfinished Hero #4)(60)

I decided not to answer.

He knew my answer anyway and went on, “You know me, Cassie. You believe in me. You wouldn’t be right here wearin’ my tee if you didn’t.”

Again he was right.

Again I said nothing.

Deacon kept speaking.

“I told you I believe in what I do. That’s part of you believin’ in me, believin’ that I’m doin’ what I need to do. But, baby,” he got even closer, his voice dipping lower, “I don’t want you knowin’ what goes down in that world. I want you livin’ in the splendor of Glacier Lily, worrying about gutters and gazebos, and not tainted with that shit.”

This did not sound good at all.

Still, it was part of him and I wanted him.

All of him.

So I informed him, “I can hack it.”

“You can’t,” he informed me.

“I can,” I reiterated.

All of a sudden, his mood turned heavy and his voice got hard. “You can’t, Cassidy.”

That didn’t sound good, either.

Not at all.

And I was sensing it was time again to tread cautiously.

That said, I still had to tread. My future with the man I was falling in love with depended on it.

“You’re still gonna have to give more of you to me,” I said carefully.

“I will.”

“Starting now,” I warned.

“Give it to me,” he invited.

“Okay, when’s your birthday?”

“You’re into that shit and need to celebrate, pick a month, make it in fall, and we’ll be good.”

Was he being serious?

“You’re not gonna tell me?”

“Can trace a man with a name and a birthdate, woman.”

He was being serious and the way he was doing it I didn’t like all that much.

“So, what you’re saying is, I’m never gonna know you.”

“Man you could know is dead,” he returned brusquely. “A man’s dead, no use knowin’ him.”

“Right, are you gonna explain that?”

He didn’t speak.

It was safe to say my mellow post-three-orgasms mood was escaping me.

“But you want me to have Deacon,” I pointed out. “And that’s you.”

“Your Deacon is not the Deacon I used to be. He’s just yours, nobody else’s.”

Something about that freaked me.

“I take it you’re not gonna explain that either,” I noted.

“Nothin’ to explain, what I said said everything you need to know.”

“I’m not liking this,” I shared.

“You like my mouth between your legs?” he asked.

My body tightened and I returned sharply, “That’s not the point.”

“Answer me.”

“You know I do.” My voice was getting snappy.

“You like workin’ beside me on your house?”

I said nothing but I knew he’d read me.

He did and thus he kept going.

“You gotta bake a cake, I’ll eat it. Happily. Do it on September fourteenth. I’ll accept a blowjob as a present but nothin’ else, only need to wake up with you in the morning and bed down with you at night. And I’m not shittin’ you about that, settin’ you up for me gettin’ pissed because you didn’t buy me anything. Special occasions are about the people you spend them with, not about the shit you can get out of them. And while I’m sayin’ this, same goes for Christmas. Far’s I’m concerned, I get another shot at Christmas with you, or luck out and get fifty of ’em, each one can be like the one we already had, except I sleep beside you, f*ck you wakin’ up and f*ck you again before we go to sleep.”

God, he made it hard to be angry at him.

“You wanna know the man I am, I’ll tell you,” he kept at it. “I’m the man who’s gonna take your shit but best you at it so I can at least replace about five square feet of shingles on your roof. But if I’m on my game, I’ll be the man replacing the whole roof.”

“Deacon—”

“And I’m the man who’s gonna work the next week alongside you cleaning out the gutters on your cabins, because if you didn’t think to do that to your house, you didn’t think to do it to your cabins, and they’re probably f*cked up too.”

“Dea—”

“And I’m the man who’s gonna sit beside you at your friends’ house tomorrow night and like bein’ there ’cause I haven’t been around many good people the last ten years. Quick count, there are three.”

More not good.

He kept going.

“And I’m gonna get off on bein’ at a table with people who bring a woman that means somethin’ to them that they’re worried about a hot fudge sundae to try and make her happy.”

I lifted a hand to his jaw. “Honey—”

“And food’s gettin’ low so I’m gonna be the man who pays for groceries when we go to the store and I don’t give a f*ck if you argue with me at the cash register. I’m payin’. You can pay the next go.”

It occurred to me he was talking and doing a lot of it so I decided to shut up and listen because he wasn’t only talking a lot, he was saying a lot.