Darkest Before Dawn (KGI #10)(46)

Her eyes widened in surprise.

“You’re a courageous woman, Honor. I’ve worked and fought with allies and against foes. And no one has ever put their body in front of mine so I didn’t get shot and killed. So yeah, if you want the truth, we’re definitely pissed. But we were pissed because you could have been gunned down and we would have failed and not honored our promise to get you far beyond ANE’s reach.”

Heat suffused her cheeks and she forced herself to look away, not wanting the betraying tears blurring her vision.

“I won’t hurt you, Honor,” Conrad said in a gentle tone she would have never imagined coming from his mouth. It was all she could do to go back to an earlier assessment that they weren’t unfeeling bastards with no conscience.

She lifted her gaze to Conrad’s for the first time, seeking and searching for all this man had endured. He met her stare, unflinching, but the remnants of regret and guilt still lingered in his.

She lifted her hand weakly and slid her fingers over Conrad’s. He reacted as if he’d been shot and started to yank his hand away, but then he halted his retreat, allowing her fingers to lace through his.

“You think you’re a bad man. Why? The things you do are extraordinary. I only see a group of men who will die before they let A New Era find and kidnap me. I only see the good, Conrad,” she said in a gentle voice. “Whether you want people to see it or not. But I see it and I see you, so you can drop the belligerent attitude and stop being a dick around me. You save people at great risk to your lives. Who does that?”

“It’s what we do,” Hancock said. “This is our calling, if you choose to look at it that way. But it’s always been who I am—who we are. To rid the world of evil so no innocents suffer as they have in the past. And that’s worldwide. I owe the American government absolutely nothing.”

His tone had suddenly gone so icy that she shivered.

“They turned their backs on us and then attempted to hunt us to ground and eliminate every member of my team. My efforts aren’t just constrained to U.S. interests or threats. Evil exists all over the world, and that is what we want to stop.”

“And yet you consider yourselves bad men. That’s a bunch of bullshit. Saving innocent lives is the epitome of good and courageous. Not many would devote their lives to ridding the world of evil.”

A hint of a smile flirted with his lips, which made her mouth drop open. None of his men ever smiled. She wasn’t even sure they had any emotions, bad or good. Their lives were decided for them, and in their job they couldn’t afford emotions.

“Hancock, get a syringe with predrawn pain medication. I want her to have that first so she’ll be relaxed and not in pain while I stitch her wound.”

The pain medication took the edge off, but the pain was still there, though she braced herself, determined not to let anyone see her wimp out. She locked herself in a deep void where she floated free of her immediate surroundings.

But she was unable to hold back the flinch when Conrad got to the middle where the skin was more tender.

Conrad cursed and muttered an apology.

“It’s okay,” she said. “Don’t stop. Just get it done with. I can take it.”

Conrad shook his head, respect flashing in his eyes. But he did as she said and meticulously set the stitches but not before instructing Hancock to administer another injection of pain medication.

After the second dose, she no longer had to force herself into a deep, dark hole. Her surroundings fuzzed and she drifted with the wind, feeling no pain or anxiety. Before she knew it, Conrad had finished and efficiently bandaged the wound after thoroughly cleaning it.

“We have a long drive. You should sleep,” Conrad said gruffly. “The pain meds will help and you won’t be aware of the bumpy terrain, nor will it cause you undue pain.”

She nodded slowly, her reflexes dulled. And then fear took hold and her eyes flew open when she had just about drifted into oblivion.

“I’m helpless like this,” she said in a panicked voice. “What if we run into trouble? I’ll be completely useless. I’ll get us all killed.”

It was the same argument she’d used before when she’d been heavily medicated, only this time no amusement glimmered in Hancock’s eyes as it had the first time she’d said nearly those exact words. In fact, utter seriousness was etched into his expression. Gravity and promise glittered brightly in his eyes and she drew comfort from the wordless exchange between them. Sometimes a single look said a thousand words.

Hancock put his hand to her forehead and wiped her hair back from her brow.

“You don’t worry about that. You’ll be of no use to us if you don’t rest and recover. We will protect you. Now go to sleep, Honor. I’ll wake you when it’s time.”

She frowned, but the pull of the medication was making her swimmy and she could no longer fight its effects.

Summoning her last moments of coherency, she gripped Conrad’s hand, thinking he would be more willing to listen to her demand than Hancock.

“Promise me,” she said, shocked at how difficult it was to get the words past her lips. “Promise me that if I hinder you in any way, you’ll leave me and save yourselves. I’ve cheated death multiple times already. It’s only a matter of time before death wins, and I refuse to allow you to die trying to prevent the inevitable.”