Darker (Alexa O'Brien, Huntress #6)(70)

“I’m a wolf with no pack, a twin flame divided from my other half and a Hound who is one of the very things I’m supposed to kill.” I slapped a few bills down for the bartender and smiled bitterly at Willow. “How much time do you have?”

“I’ve got all the time in the world. By all means, talk away.”

“I’d rather not. I don’t even want to think about it.” With a teasing scowl, I grabbed the drink he continued to push closer and swallowed it with a grimace. “You know, for an angel, you’re a terrible influence.”

Willow snickered. His eyes shone with delight. “What can I say? I’m a rebel. So are you. That’s why both monster and man wants to either control or kill you. It’s a good thing.”

I rolled my eyes but took his words to heart. “Oh yeah, it’s fantastic.”

“Seriously, Alexa, when the bad guys consider you a problem, it means you’re doing something right. Even if at times you’re one of them.” Willow plucked a lime wedge from the dish and bit into the tart fruit.

I shook my head and snorted with derision. “What am I really though? Wolf, human, vampire? I don’t fit in anywhere anymore.”

“You’re a Hound of God and the light half of a twin flame union. Those are good things. You exist to fight evil. Bottom line.”

“Until I become it,” I said with a frown. “Lilah said the twin flame bond is a curse. The worst part is that even though I know she’s a liar, I agreed with her reasons why.”

Willow appeared thoughtful. Even as he downed drink after drink, he was barely drunk. I would have been on the floor after that many.

“Remember, she’s the dark half of her union. Your roles are not the same. There’s good and there’s evil. And, some creatures walk in both worlds. There is something powerful in being able to experience both the light and the dark. But ultimately, even you must choose a side.”

He delivered that heavy verbal blow by crashing his glass against mine in cheers. My drink splashed over the edge, spilling a few drops in my lap. He received my dirty look with a smile and shoved another shot of tequila in front of me.

His words reverberated in my ears as I mulled them over. Willow was wise. He had a way of breaking things down so they were clear where before they had been confused.

“Stop making me think. I’m trying to drink away my sorrows here.” I tossed a lime wedge at him, laughing when it struck him square on the chin. The newest Christina Aguilera song pounded out of the speakers, and I perked up. “I love this song. Come dance with me.”

I jumped off the stool. Dancing the night away with whiskey in my blood and sweaty humans at my side likely wasn’t the best way to spend my night, but I needed a break from reality. Jez’s Vegas vacation idea looked better all the time. Since I couldn’t skip town tonight with Lilah killing my wolves, dancing would have to do.

“Trust me. You don’t want to see me dance. My talents are better spent right here.” Willow waved me off, dismissing me when the bartender placed another half dozen shots in front of him.

I gravitated to the dance floor, watching as a tall redhead moved in on Willow within seconds of my absence. It didn’t surprise me; he was a looker.

A pleasant warmth spread through my limbs from the alcohol. It was such a predictably human way of numbing out. The more I thought about it, the more aware I became of the pounding heartbeats all around me. So much blood to spill. A kill like that could create a high that would last for days. I licked my lips and reminded myself I was here to unwind, to leave that world behind. I never could though; I carried the darkness with me always.

I suddenly wasn’t feeling so hot. Flushed with overwhelming heat, the bloodlust sprang forth. No way, I’d fed that hunger already.

I pushed through the crowd, seeking escape from the crush of lively human bodies. Every breath I took overwhelmed me with their heady aroma. I had to get out.

“I have to go before I slaughter these people,” I said, grabbing Willow’s arm. The redhead glared darkly and sauntered away. Willow took one look at my panic-stricken face and got to his feet.

The outside air was thankfully free of any strong human scent, overwhelmed by car exhaust and the faint aroma of summer rain in the distance. We stopped at a bench half a block away. I didn’t sit down. Instead, I paced back and forth in front of it, feeling uncomfortable inside my own skin. My wolf was restless.

That was another area of concern. Veryl’s files made it sound like the wolf was lost upon transformation to vampire. Kale said it was still there, trapped inside. I wasn’t sure which was worse, losing my wolf or having it caged within me. They both sounded like a form of hell.

Emotion surged, and I kicked a pop can in misplaced anger. It only served to infuriate me further.

“Think you can keep your shit together?” Willow lounged on the bench, regarding me with casual curiosity.

“I don’t know what happened in there. It came over me so fast. I feel a little better now.” Scowling at the pop can, I picked it up and tossed it in a nearby trashcan. “It could be Arys. Sometimes, we can feel each other without trying to. It can be disorienting.”

“Makes sense. How did that all go anyway?”

I watched a couple across the street walking hand in hand. They leaned into one another, talking animatedly. I envied them.