Dare You To (Pushing the Limits #2)(114)

I lean up on my elbow and my heart is practically yanked out of my chest by the hurt in his eyes. “I do love you, and I want to trust you.…It’s just that…I try.…And…”

Just damn. I slam my good hand on the bed.

Why can’t I explain it? Why am I so impaired?

“Hey.” The authority in his tone causes me to meet his gaze. My heart stalls when Ryan caresses my cheek with one finger and, under his touch, my skin turns red. I miss this. I’ve missed him. Maybe I’m not f**king this all up.

“Breathe,” he instructs. “It’s okay. Take your time, but just keep talking.”

Keep talking. I actually stick out my tongue in disgust and Ryan fights a smile. If he weren’t so battered already I’d sock his arm. I blow out a rush of air and try again.

“I don’t know.…I just don’t…trust…me.” I blink and so does Ryan and it feels sort of scary and exposing to have said something so raw. He rubs my arm, urging me to continue, and I don’t know how to continue. That’s bull. I just don’t want to continue. But this is beyond what I want. This is about me and Ryan.

“I don’t want to make bad choices anymore.” I glance at him, hoping I’m making sense, because I’m not sure that I am. “And I sort of think that any choice is bad because I’m making it and then I meet you and you’re great and you’re wonderful and you love me and I love you and I’m just so damned scared I’m going to screw it all up.…”

I slam my eyes shut and my lower lip trembles. “And I did. I messed it all up again.”

Ryan cups my cheek with his palm. I lean into it and open my eyes. “I’m glad it happened,” he says.

“I thought they ran an MRI on your head.”

His eyes laugh. “They did. Just answer me this—before Trent arrived, were you going to leave with me?”

I swallow and I’m nodding before I answer.

“Yes.”

“Why?”

My eyes narrow as I try to understand the question.

“No, Beth. Don’t think about it. Just give me the first answer that comes to mind. Why were you going to leave with me?”

My eyes flash to his and my mouth pops open. No, it’s not possible, because if it is, then it’s a first for me.

The same hope I’ve seen a million times from Ryan builds on his face. Is it possible he’s known all along? “Say it, Beth.”

“I love you.” Those used to be the hard words, but now they’re easier. I exhale and the air shakes as it comes out of my mouth.

“Nice try,” he says. “The other thing. Say that.”

“Ryan…” My throat dries out and sweat forms along my hairline. “I’m scared.”

“I know.” He tucks my hair behind my ear.

“But it’s okay.”

His fingers slowly trail down my arm, over my sling and he rests his fingertips against mine. A warmth unfurls within me, starting in my heart and flowing through my bloodstream.

It creates a weird sensation of chains unlocking and breaking free. It’s almost as if I’m floating.

“I trust you,” I say. “I was going to leave with you because I trust you.”

Ryan’s silent, but the small, peaceful smile on his face causes me to smile in return. I wonder if my smile looks like his. I trust him.

Ryan. It’s a little scary, but not as much as I thought it would be. Maybe this is it; maybe this is the beginning Scott’s talked about for months—the clean slate.

“Was that so hard?” he asks.

“Yes.”

Ryan touches my hair again. It’s like he requires the contact to confirm I’m not a ghost.

“You need to learn how to start trusting yourself.”

I flop down so that my head rests on the pillow beside him. Ryan’s slow as he shifts.

Our faces are so close that our noses almost touch. My arm begins to ache and I have a feeling Scott will show soon because he’s timed my pain med schedule into his phone.

“Do you mind if I heal first before I tackle anymore long-lost resurfacing emotional issues?”

Ryan tilts his head and I silently swear.

Apparently we’re not done yet. “You’re kidding me, right?”

“Scott said Isaiah came to the hospital,” he begins.

I nod, preferring not to go into this now…or ever. Noah visited me several times while I was in the hospital—once with Echo, and twice on his own. He told me that Isaiah paced the waiting room until he heard I was going to be okay, then he left. My best friend left.

“I think we should talk about it.”

The fingers of my left hand try to tighten, but the blast of pain keeps me from making a fist. I hiss at the sting and Ryan edges closer.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes,” I bite out. “It’s just…I already told you that it’s not like that for me with him.”

“I believe you.”

My brow begins to lift and I stop when the stitches on my forehead pull. Dammit, I’m never going to be able to move again. “Then why bring it up?”

Ryan sucks in a breath and I can tell this conversation is eating at him as much as it is me. “Are you going to see him again?”