Crystal Cove (Friday Harbor #4)(58)

The door opened slowly to reveal Justine with her hair pulled back in a ponytail and her face clean-scrubbed. There was something damaged in her posture, a slump like a broken flower stem. He was filled with the desire to comfort her, give her respite and pleasure and ease.

“I missed you today,” he said.

She swallowed audibly. “I had errands.”

Jason lifted a hand to her tense jaw, gently tilting her face upward to stare into her tired eyes. “Talk to me for five minutes. Please. I can’t leave tomorrow morning without us settling a couple of things.”

Justine started to shake her head before he had finished the sentence. “There’s nothing to settle.”

Jason stared at her, considering his options. Charm. Seduction. Bribery. Begging was not out of the question. “There’s at least one thing.”

“What?”

He said in a businesslike tone, “I’m here to complain about my room.”

Her eyes slitted open. “What’s wrong with it?”

“The bed is too hard. And the sheets are scratchy.” Seeing that Justine was going to argue with this assessment of her luxurious guest accommodations, he added, “And my orchid’s wilting.”

“Try putting water on it.”

“My bed?”

Justine tried to look severe. “Your orchid. I can’t do anything about the bed. Besides, you’re an insomniac, so you don’t sleep anyway.”

“I want to hold you tonight,” he said. “No sex. I just want to lie next to you while you sleep.”

Her expression didn’t change, but he thought he saw a spark of amusement in her eyes. “Like hell.”

“Okay, I want sex,” he admitted. “But after that, I would let you sleep.”

The hint of a smile faded. “I can’t be with you again. And don’t make me explain, because you know why.”

Jason reached out for her, unable to hold back any longer. “It’s not all your decision. It’s mine, too.”

“There’s nothing you can say—”

“Tell me what you want, Justine. Not what you’re afraid of, not what you’ve already decided. Just what’s in here.” He slid one hand to the center of her chest and flattened his palm over her rapidly beating heart.

She shook her head, looking unsettled but stubborn.

“You’re not going to admit it?” he asked, tenderly mocking. “What a little coward. I’ll say it for you, then: You want me. You’re in love with me. Which means that I’m already living on borrowed time.”

“Don’t say that,” Justine snapped, trying to push away from him, but he wouldn’t let her. He hugged her close, surrounding her with his warmth.

“I’m a dead man walking,” he said, his voice muffled in her hair. “A goner. My goose is cooked. My number’s up. I’m Screwdini.”

“Stop it!” she cried. “How can you joke about this?”

His arms tightened. “One of the few advantages of not having a soul is that you have no choice except to live in the moment. And any moment that I have you in my arms is a good one.” He kissed her hair. “Let me in, Justine. It’s lonely out here.”

Justine went still. She took a long, broken breath. When she looked up at him, her eyes glittered with some strong emotion. “Just for a few minutes,” she said, and stepped back as he crossed the threshold.

As soon as she closed the door, he hauled her close until they were pressed front to front. He took Justine’s wrists and pulled them around his neck. Her breath was fast and anxious against his skin.

“Help me do what’s right,” she begged.

“This is what’s right.” Jason cupped his fingers around the back of her skull, guiding her head to his shoulder. It felt insanely good to hold her, the embers of last night dancing into fresh flame. “I’m leaving tomorrow,” he said, “but I’m coming back in a week or less. I just have to make some arrangements.”

“Arrangements for what?”

“Restructuring. There’s no reason I can’t delegate some of my responsibilities at Inari. The stuff that only I can do, I’ll either handle remotely or it can wait until I make it back to the office.”

Justine sounded dazed. “What are you trying to say?”

Jason traced the delicate rim of her ear with his thumb, and kissed her earlobe. “I want to be part of your life. I have to be. Since you have to stay at the inn to do your job, I’ll come to the island as often as I can.”

“Where … where are you planning on staying?”

“That depends on you.”

“I want you to go away. For good.”

“Because you don’t care about me? Or because you do?”

Justine didn’t respond, didn’t look at him. He continued to hold her, trying to interpret her silence.

“I lose everyone I care about,” she eventually said. “I lost my father before I ever got to know him. I lost my mother because I couldn’t be what she wanted. I lost Duane because he couldn’t handle what I am. Now you’re asking me to care about you, knowing I’m going to lose you, too. Well, I can’t.” Defeat gave each word the weight of a brick, to be used in the wall she was building between them. Wriggling out of his arms, she turned away.