Crash into You (Pushing the Limits #3)(79)

Something cracks inside of me. A dam I had created over the years to hold in every emotion unwanted by my family. “You want me to lie about the panic attacks, remember? Anything to keep Mom happy!”

On their side, the phone rattles as if someone grabbed it. West lets loose a string of profanities. “Rachel!” he shouts. “Here’s the truth, baby sister, you need someone to take care of you. You always have. It’s our job to keep you from making bad decisions and the one you’re making right now is colossal. Your track record proves you need Ethan and me making these decisions for you.”

I end the call, throw the phone across the crumbled blacktop and shriek at the top of my lungs. West’s words roll in my mind. You need someone to take care of you. You always have.

“It’s not true!” I yell out into the night. “It’s not.” Tears burn my eyes.

The warm touch first slides against my hip, followed by a brush on my cheek. My bones become weary, almost too heavy for my skin. Isaiah heard the conversation. He heard me admit my weakness. I said out loud, in front of him, that I suffer from panic attacks.

“Are you in trouble at home?” The urgency in his tone is clear.

I nod, then shake my head. “With my brothers.”

“Are they going to rat?”

I tremble at the malice in his tone. “I don’t think so. Somebody saw me skip with you. This is bad. So bad. Without them covering for me, I can’t make it out. And if I can’t make it out then you can’t drive my car.”

And I can’t see you.

It’s like I’ve been sucked into a tornado and I’m a rag doll being torn apart. My thoughts all twist and my body begins to feel cold and warm all at the same time. “And if you can’t drive my car then you can’t race and we can’t make money if you don’t race and then there’s Eric—”

“It’s okay.” Isaiah cups my head and guides me into his chest. His lips graze my forehead as he whispers, “It’s okay. Calm down. It’s okay. I promise.”

I don’t know what to say, and as hard as I try to keep from crying, more tears fill my eyes. I suck in air and each inhale shakes. I sniff and I sniff, but none of my efforts keeps the chaos on the inside from trying to break free to the outside. “I don’t know how to make my family like you.”

“I don’t care if they like me. I only care about you.” Isaiah soothingly rubs my spine and hair.

A winter wind blows, freezing my cheeks, but a single traitorous hot tear escapes from my eyes and I hold tighter to Isaiah, terrified of becoming unglued. “But they cover for me. This is how I see you! What if I can’t see you?”

“We’ll make it work.” His words are all low-pitched, all gentle, but the twirling tornado inside of me picks up speed, becomes a monster all its own.

“It won’t work.” The strangled words emerge between a sob, and I hold my breath to keep any more from bursting free. I can feel my brain tearing away from my sane mind, the sadness and anger spiraling into panicked hysteria. “I don’t want to be without you. I like who I am with you, and I don’t want to go back to who I was before.”

“I love you, Rachel. So this will work. No matter what or who stands in our way.”

My body rocks as if Isaiah used a defibrillator on my chest. He loves me.

His words gain traction in my head...he loves me. My heart patters faster and faster. Not because of anxiety but because of hope. Gathering air into my lungs, I rest my head against his shirt, which is wet with my tears. His heart has a slow, steady beat. One that never panics. One that is always strong. “You love me?”

Chapter 49

Isaiah

I BUNCH RACHEL’S HAIR IN my fist. The silky strands rub the spot between my fingers and I press my lips to her head. My heart hurts and soars and hurts again, all at the same time. I said I love her. Love her. Each repeat of the words confirms something I didn’t know or want to know and I scramble to figure out if I want to embrace it.

Love her.

Rachel.

Love has always been a dirty word. My mother said she did what she did because she loved me. Beth took the words I said to her and twisted them into saying it was only friendship. She broke my heart. My mother broke my heart. If I love Rachel she’ll have more power than both of them combined because this overwhelming pulse in my body...this overwhelming need to protect her and hold her close...

I nuzzle into her hair and close my eyes, inhaling the sweet scent of jasmine. I should let her go, let her go, just let her go. Walk away now. Hang on to what’s left of my sanity.

But as Rachel presses tighter to me, I know I’m too far gone to stand a chance alone. I’m in love, f**king in love, and I pray to the God that abandoned me years ago that He doesn’t use this to destroy me. “I love you.”

Chapter 50

Rachel

ISAIAH TRAPS ME CLOSE TO his body and I press against his arms as I try to raise my head off his chest. He said he loved me. Me. The shy girl. The awkward girl. The one born to replace the girl everyone really wanted. The more I think about it, the harder I press back against his hold. This doesn’t make sense. Any sense. Why would he want to love me?

“Isaiah,” I whisper and push again. When he doesn’t react, I place both of my hands against his chest. “Isaiah!”