Crash into You (Pushing the Limits #3)(43)

Isaiah told Eric I was a debt.

Eric called me a f**k.

I close my eyes and cringe at that last word. Was Isaiah right? He called me dense. I have to be, because I honestly believed that the kiss in his apartment meant something to him. That our moment together, that my first kiss, was more than a lead-in to...to...sex.

With a sigh, I swing my pack over my shoulder and head to the house. It’s early. Not even ten yet. There’s no way I can return to school, not when my mind’s a turbulent mess over Eric and Isaiah and five thousand dollars. It all seems overwhelming and impossible. It probably is, but Isaiah told me not to worry. He told me to have hope. I’m torn between the two emotions.

The same words circle in my head: I’m a debt. I. Am. A. Debt.

I unlock the back door, enter the kitchen and disable the alarm. Dad’s at work, West and Ethan are at school, Mom is...who knows where. My fingers brush where Isaiah stroked my cheek before we parted ways. My heart flutters and then crashes to a halt. I’m a debt. A debt.

Eric pops into my mind and my skin crawls because he touched my hair. My head starts to ache. What I need is a hot, pounding shower and a new train of thought.

I’m a debt.

“Rach? What are you doing here?”

A jolt of shock causes me to drop my backpack and turn. My oldest brother, Gavin, stands next to the pantry, a bag of chips in his hand. It’s just Gavin! I scream in my mind, but after Eric, everything seems like a threat. Especially Gavin. My brother is huge: played football in college and was good at it, too. He’s smart and opinionated and he just plain intimidates me.

“I asked what you were doing here,” he demands.

My fingers twine and untwine. “I didn’t feel good so I came home.” The lie comes easily. Guilt follows.

His eyes lower to my pack on the floor by my feet. “You’re too young to sign yourself out.”

“I never made it into school. I sat in the parking lot until I felt well enough to come home.” Please believe me. Please believe me.

“Does Mom know?”

“No.” Crap. Mom. I’m not ready to face Mom. “But I’ll tell her. Is she here?”

Gavin scratches the back of his head, and the chip bag crackles in his hand. I glance around the kitchen and realize that everything about this moment is wrong. “Where’s the staff?”

“Mom gives them Friday mornings off,” he says.

I didn’t know that. “And Mom?”

“Out,” he says. “You should go upstairs if you aren’t feeling good.”

Yeah, because Gavin always looks out for my best interests—and by always I mean never. “What are you doing here? Don’t you have a job?”

The bag crackles again, and that’s when I notice a gym bag full of food on the floor. And the jeans he’s wearing...and T-shirt. “What’s going on?”

Gavin drops the chips and steps in my direction. Remembering Eric, I stumble back. I’ve already been threatened by one guy today. I don’t want to be threatened by another. Faster than me, because let’s face it, who isn’t, Gavin grabs my wrist to steady me as I ram into the fridge.

“Calm down, Rach. What’s gotten into you?” He doesn’t wait for my response as he continues, “I lost my job.”

All of me sinks. “Oh, Gavin. I’m sorry. When?” Gavin became an energy broker after college. Mom and Dad were so proud. As Mom announced at parties: one in medical school—referencing Jack—and one moving straight to the top in business.

“A couple of weeks ago,” he rushes out. “I’ll find something else soon.”

My head tilts as I understand. “You haven’t told Mom and Dad.”

“Dad knows.” He omits that Mom doesn’t and frees my wrist. “He wants to tell Mom after you agree to speak at the fundraisers. That way she’ll be in a good place, not a bad one.”

I try to rub away the worry lines forming on my forehead. Why is it always on me to fix everything? “That’s not fair.”

“Life’s not fair,” he snaps. “When are you going to grow up and accept that?”

It’s too much. All of it. Eric and money and Isaiah and now Gavin. “I never asked for this.”

“And I did?” Gavin says. “Do you think this is the life that Jack and I wanted? To watch our sister die? To watch Mom’s soul die? But it’s what we got. We all have roles to play, Rachel, and I’m tired of having to remind you of yours.”

His hands go to his hips, a certain sign of an impending lecture, but at least he softens his tone. “Look, we all know you’re the best of us. You’re sweet, kind, possibly the only one of us who has the natural ability to stay out of trouble. So why are you being so selfish? You can make Mom happy and you’re choosing not to. You’re a better person than that.”

I’m not. My arm brushes against the handle of the fridge as I withdraw farther from him.

My fingers massage the painful pulse that’s penetrated the frontal lobe of my brain. Gavin dips his head to look me in the eye. I’m not afraid he’ll see a lie. I really do feel awful. My stomach gurgles with distress.

“You’re not looking good, kid,” he says. “Do you want me to stick around? Watch some movies with you?”