Cranberry Point (Cedar Cove #4)(47)

"Dinner's ready," Cecilia said, sitting down at the table.

With little enthusiasm, Ian set the newspaper aside and joined her. Most nights he didn't contribute much to the conversation; Cecilia did practically all the talking. Every now and then, he'd ask her something because the silences troubled him more than the sound of her chatter.

This evening, however, she didn't seem to feel like talking, either. He was relieved when she finished dinner and brought her plate to the sink. Apparently her appetite wasn't good, either.

"Are you feeling okay?" he asked.

"I'm fine."

Ian frowned, unsure if he should believe that. But then she smiled so sweetly he couldn't doubt her.

They spent the evening in silence, each of them reading— Cecilia a magazine and he a thriller someone at work had lent him. By nine, she was yawning. "I'm going to bed."

He nodded. "I feel like staying up and reading for a while longer."

She didn't argue with him, but accepted his excuse. Then she wandered into the bedroom and closed the door. So far so good, he thought as he relaxed in his chair.

Ian made a genuine effort to read, but his mind was on everything except the words on the page in front of him. Nine o'clock was damned early for Cecilia to go to bed, he realized all of a sudden. He couldn't figure out why she'd done that. She almost always stayed up until at least ten.

At nine-thirty, he turned out the lights and walked into the darkened bedroom. It took his eyes a moment to adjust to the lack of light. Cecilia was curled up on her side of the bed, and he knew instantly that she was awake.

"Cecilia?"

"What?"

"You awake?"

"Yeah."

"Something's wrong, isn't it?"

She didn't answer him.

The mattress dipped when he sat on the edge of the bed. "You'd better tell me." His heart was starting to pound.

She pretended not to hear him. "Cecilia?"

"Are you coming to bed?"

He supposed the only way he could get her to talk was to join her in bed, so he undressed and slipped beneath the covers. Cecilia moved closer but didn't touch him. "Will you hold me?" she whispered.

"Okay." He lay on his back and Cecilia pressed her head against his shoulder. He wrapped his arm around her. She felt small in his embrace, smaller than usual.

He waited but she didn't say anything. In his heart he knew. He should've guessed right away, he supposed, but denial could be downright comfortable. "You're pregnant, aren't you?"

"Yes." She sobbed once. "Are you angry?"

He snorted softly. "No. I don't have anyone to blame but me."

"I wanted everything to be different than with Allison. I thought you'd be angry then, too, and instead you were so nice about it."

He didn't have anything to say to that.

"The news of a baby should make us happy."

"Are you happy?" he asked.

Cecilia didn't answer right away. "I'd be leaping up and down for joy if you were pleased."

His fears wouldn't let him feel good about this. "I'm afraid, Cecilia," he finally said.

"I am, too, but I want our baby so much. I love you, Ian. You got home almost two months ago, and this whole time's been awful. It's... it's like you hate me."

"Cecilia, no..."

"What else am I to think? You hardly talk to me and you won't even go to bed when I do. You think I don't know why? You don't want to make love to me and whenever you do, you hate yourself for it."

She certainly had him pegged. "I got you pregnant, didn't I?'

He could feel her nod.

"Yeah, well, you knew how I felt."

"You knew how I felt, too!" She sniffled, apparently trying not to cry. "I want this baby and I want my husband to love me and be excited and happy and you're not. It's tearing me up inside."

Ian expelled his breath. "I'm trying. Give me a chance to adjust to it, okay?"

Her tears moistened his shoulder.

"Cecilia, please, don't cry."

"I can't help it."

He kissed the tears from her face. Soft kisses, gentle kisses that eventually brought his lips to her mouth. "It'll be all right," he said and hoping to reassure her, kissed her again and again.

"This is our baby," she whispered, and hiccupped on a sob. "I want you to be happy.... I want you to love our baby."

"I will." He closed his eyes and struggled with his conflicting emotions.

"But you don't now?"

He dragged in a deep breath. "I'm trying. That's all I can do."

Cecilia broke free and rolled onto her side, turning away from him.

"Honey, please, do you want me to lie?"

"No."

"Then give me time." He cuddled her spoon fashion and slipped his arm around her middle. From pure habit, his palm cupped her breast. Many a night aboard ship, he'd dreamed of doing exactly this, cuddling his wife, loving her and enjoying the feel of her body so close to his own.

A sigh shuddered through Cecilia and she shifted her little butt closer to his growing arousal. She seemed to take delight in moving seductively against him. "Ian?" she whispered.