Cranberry Point (Cedar Cove #4)(27)

Now she wondered. Could it possibly have been Will?

She tried to dismiss the thought. No, of course not! Her brother would never do anything so underhanded. And if he had, surely Grace would have told her. But if what Olivia suspected was true, it explained Will's weak excuse about not being able to attend her wedding.

"Something on your mind?" Jack asked during a commercial break. His mouth was close to her ear and he took advantage of her closeness to kiss the side of her neck.

"Hmm." Olivia closed her eyes and reveled in his attention.

'This whole thing with your mother and Ben is worrying you, isn't it?"

"Not really," she muttered. She debated mentioning her suspicions about Grace and her brother, but changed her mind. If she said anything, it would be to Grace—but only after she'd had time to sort through the facts as she knew them. Until then, it would be better to say nothing, not to Jack and not to anyone else.

"Good," Jack whispered, tucking his arms more securely around her. "I'd hate to have anything disrupt our television viewing."

Smiling to herself, Olivia poked him in the ribs with her elbow. She'd been doing a lot of smiling since she'd married Jack Griffin, and she didn't think that would change anytime soon.

Thirteen

Cecilia pushed the grocery cart lethargically through the commissary's aisles. She'd been so excited about having her husband home after six months' deployment, counting the days until Ian would be with her again. She'd made elaborate plans for his homecoming and wanted their reunion to be like a second honeymoon. She'd prayed her husband would be as eager to start their family as she was. Only he hadn't been, and now it seemed nothing had gone the way she'd hoped.

"Hey, Cecilia."

At the sound of her name, Cecilia turned to find Cathy Lackey wheeling her grocery cart down the aisle toward her. "I thought that was you," Cathy said.

Cecilia managed a token smile. "How's it going?"

"Great. I left father and son to bond. I'm taking my own sweet time shopping because, frankly, I could use the break. Where's Ian?"

"Home." Cecilia couldn't disguise her misery. "Oh, Cathy, things just aren't working out between us."

"What do you mean?"

Cecilia reached inside her purse for a tissue, humiliated about breaking down in the cereal aisle where anyone might see her.

Cathy glanced over her shoulder. "Listen, let's meet in half an hour at Starbucks. Does that work for you?"

Cecilia nodded. Cathy was the one person in the world she could talk to about her most private concerns. Cathy would understand better than most people, and Cecilia realized she needed her friends more than ever.

Sure enough, Cathy was waiting for her at Starbucks. She was on the patio and had already bought them each a cup of coffee. Because the day was warm and sunny, most of the customers were sitting outside.

"All right, tell me what's happening," Cathy said when Cecilia slid into the chair across from her.

Cecilia picked up her coffee and hung her head, staring at the tabletop. "This homecoming is a complete disaster."

"How do you mean?"

"In the four weeks Ian's been home, we've barely made love." She was embarrassed to be talking about the intimate details of her marriage, even to Cathy, but she could no longer hide her unhappiness. Ian made excuses to stay away from her and it was killing her.

Cecilia looked up to see her friend frowning.

"What's wrong?"

Cecilia bit her lip to keep from crying. "I assumed Ian would want to start our family, but he doesn't. He wants me back on birth control before we make love on a regular basis."

"Are you?"

"Not yet, but my period's due soon. We've used protection, but Ian is adamant—I'm supposed to go back on the pill. Until then it's like I'm his sister. He won't even look at me and I hate it."

"He doesn't want a baby?"

Cecilia shook her head. "Every time I try to mention it, he changes the subject."

Cathy nodded sympathetically.

"Last week, when I refused to let him sidetrack me, he blew up and said he wasn't ready to be a father yet. I asked him when he would be ready and do you know what he said?" She didn't wait for her friend to respond. "Ian said he didn't think he'd ever be ready." Cecilia covered her face with both hands, distraught and weepy.

Cathy placed her hand on Cecilia's forearm. "Do you remember when I told you that I miscarried twice before Andy?"

Cecilia lowered her hands and nodded. She hated being so emotional, but she couldn't help it. She'd created a million romantic fantasies centered on their reunion and everything had gone wrong. Nothing she said or did seemed to work.

"After I miscarried the second time, I was afraid it was the end of my love life. It was as if Andrew had completely lost interest in me as his wife."

Cecilia had trouble believing it. "Andrew?"

Cathy's eyes filled with tears. "The miscarriages affected my husband in ways I didn't understand. I was so wrapped up in me that I didn't see what losing the pregnancies had done to Andrew. He was afraid to make love to me, afraid I'd get pregnant again—afraid I'd suffer again. I was convinced he didn't want me because I couldn't carry his child. And that wasn't it at all." Cathy paused and swallowed visibly. "Our minds play crazy games with us, don't they?"