Colters' Lady (Colters' Legacy #2)(72)

They weren’t happy. She sensed their frustration and their helplessness, but at the moment, she couldn’t think about comforting them when she herself was inconsolable.

One by one they disappeared, and she wandered into the bedroom, closing the door behind her. She curled onto the bed, her heart so heavy and broken that she closed her eyes and prayed for oblivion.

“Son of a bitch. Son of a bitch,” Seth swore as he paced back and forth in the living room. He balled his fist and rammed it into the wall in helpless fury.

“What the f**k just happened here?” Michael demanded.

Dillon swore and rubbed his hand over his hair then over his face as he blew out his breath. “This is bad. This is really bad. She was so adamant that we wear condoms. She said she didn’t want to get pregnant. I accepted that. But this goes much deeper.”

“She’s never once hinted at her past,” Michael said. “We haven’t pushed her—haven’t wanted to. I think I was afraid to. And maybe I thought we could just move on and if we made her happy now it was enough. But goddamn it, we can’t go on like this.”

Seth shook his head. “I was content to be patient. I know she’s had a lot of hurt in her life. I told her I’d wait until she trusted me enough to tell me what happened and why she was homeless.”

“We can’t go on like this. She can’t go on like this,” Michael said again. “We have to know what we’re dealing with here. We can’t go forward until we’ve addressed the past—whatever it is.”

“Did you see her?” Seth asked hoarsely. “Did you see her? She’d checked out. She was here but wasn’t. She was caught in some horrible nightmare that only she knows about. And goddamn it, I can’t help her if I don’t know how.”

“Give her time. Just a little. We’ll do as she begged. For now,” Dillon said grimly. “But tomorrow this stops. If I have to sit on her, we’re going to find out what’s hurting her so much.”

Lily stared out the window from her position on the bed. Dawn was slowly creeping over the horizon. She hadn’t slept. Hadn’t been able to do anything more than lie there and exist in another time and another place. Her sins lay at her feet. Unavoidable.

She stirred and her full bladder protested. She considered lying there longer, but her need became more persistent until finally she got up and shuffled into the bathroom.

When she was done, she walked back into the bedroom and dismissed the bed, suddenly hating it and the comfort it offered. Quietly, she walked toward the living room, stopping a moment when she saw the three men sprawled at intervals on the couch and in the chairs.

The ache inside her heart intensified, and she crept by on soundless feet, still clad in only the T-shirt they’d put on her the night before.

At the back door, she pushed at the sliding glass door and shivered as the cool morning breeze blew over her skin. She stepped outside, her feet bare, and looked around with disinterest.

Her focus sharpened as she saw the wooden bench perched under an aspen tree several feet away from the deck she stood on. She walked mechanically, stopping in front to stare at the faded wood.

She turned again and eased down, her hands sliding across the rough surface before curling around the edges so tight her knuckles went white.

How long she sat there, she wasn’t sure. She focused on the distant mountaintop and the rugged terrain surrounding her, trying to absorb the peace that seemed so prevalent no matter which direction she looked.

Then she looked heavenward as tears she didn’t think she had to shed stung and crowded the corners of her eyes. “Please,” she whispered. “I can’t go through that again. If you’re listening, please. I’m so sorry. I don’t deserve forgiveness, but please give me your mercy.”

The sun gleamed, a bright orb that hung over the horizon, creeping higher with each passing second. The rays bathed her in warmth and yet nothing could fill the empty, aching void inside her.

“Lily, my God, what the hell are you doing out here?”

She turned to see Dillon hurrying out, Seth and Michael hot on his heels.

“You’re going to freeze to death,” Michael bit out. “You aren’t dressed, for God’s sake.”

Seth knelt in front her and took her cold hands in his. “Honey, you have to come inside. Please. We need to talk about this. We can’t help you if we don’t know what’s going on.”

He went blurry in front of her as tears streaked silently down her face. He rubbed them gently away, his eyes so filled with worry that she flinched.

Without another word, without asking or demanding, he simply scooped her into his arms and carried her back toward the house. He took her into the living room, placed her on the sofa and immediately enveloped her in the warmth of a blanket.

Dillon and Michael stood a mere foot away, concern etched into their brows.

She hugged her legs to her chest and rocked back and forth, praying for the strength to tell them what she’d hidden so deep inside her heart for so long.

They deserved to know. She should have told them long before now. They might not want her after they knew the truth. She’d been too involved in the fantasy—in the utter joy and contentment she’d found in their relationship.

But it couldn’t last. The past always caught up no matter how hard or fast you ran.