Colters' Gift (Colters' Legacy #5)(19)

“Because I told my brother I was going to ask you if I could go, like I need your permission or something. It’s absolutely what I would have done when I was with Joel. I did nothing without his say so. I didn’t even go to the bathroom without telling him what I was doing.”

“I see,” Noah said carefully. “But Lauren, you do see the difference here, don’t you? We care about what happens to you. We care that there’s a threat out there that’s as of yet unresolved. We’d never stop you from doing something you wanted to do. Unless it was determined that the risk was too great. I need you to understand that now so that if the time ever comes that we shut you down, it won’t be because we’re controlling dickheads. It’ll be because your safety comes first, and we’d much rather have you alive and pissed off than dead and appeased.”

“I understand. I do. Just give me time, Noah. This is all very new to me. I wish I could just let go of the past and resolve to not let it affect me so much now. But it’s not that easy. God, I wish it were. I’d give anything to be able to wipe him from my memory and go on like he never existed. But it’s like he’s there, a shadow in my mind, and he pops out at the most inopportune times. He makes me doubt myself, and I hate that most of all.”

Liam’s eyes softened and he reached over to squeeze her hand. “I get it, baby. I do. Cut yourself some slack. You’ll get there, and Noah and I will be helping you every step of the way.”

She smiled tremulously. “Thank you.”

“So I take it we’re going out tomorrow?” Noah said. “I just need to know details so I can plan accordingly.”

She nodded. “Yes, up the mountain to where the older Colters live. Seth’s parents. Callie and Max live just across the meadow from them. Seth and his brothers and their wife, Lily, live closer to town, but their home is still out of the way and secluded. It’s very beautiful.”

“You’re very beautiful,” Liam said, his voice gruff and husky.

Befuddled by the abrupt change in direction, she went silent, not knowing how to respond.

“You’re not used to compliments, are you?” Noah asked. “Did the bastard never tell you that you were beautiful? Wait. Don’t answer that. I’m sorry I brought him up.”

Lauren slowly shook her head. “In the beginning he did. I mean he said and did all the right things when we first met. But they were just . . . words. He didn’t mean them. It was all very perfunctory. The way he kissed me. The way he touched me. Looking back, I have no idea why he even bothered. It was obvious he wasn’t attracted to me. Physically I mean. Or emotionally for that matter. It was like I was a thing to him.”

A low growl emanated from Liam’s throat.

“For men like him it’s about control. Not how attracted he is to you. It’s about having someone he can control. It’s a high. It makes him feel powerful,” Noah said grimly.

“And I was such an easy mark,” Lauren said sadly.

Liam ran his hand over her face, brushing his thumb in a gentle caress over her cheekbone. “He played you, Lauren. He sold you something you wanted by pretending he cared. It’s not a crime to want someone to love you or to be in love or to want a relationship. Isn’t it what we all want at the end of the day?”

She reached for his hand and leaned her head further into his hold. For a moment she closed her eyes, savoring the contact. There was nothing threatening in Liam’s touch. He was so very careful with her.

She brushed her cheek along his palm as she raised her gaze to meet his. “And why do you want me?” she whispered.

He frowned, his eyes darkening. He looked . . . angry.

She withdrew immediately, wary of his body language. It was automatic for her to stiffen her posture and put her hands down in her lap, averting her gaze.

Beside her she heard Noah curse, and she flinched, closing her eyes as she waited for the impending outburst.

When she felt the hand on her skin, it was instinctive to shrink away and make herself a smaller target. It shocked her. Logically, she was denying that either of these men would hurt her, but it was as if her mind was paying no heed to what she knew. It only knew that she had to protect herself.

But the hand slid soothingly over her shoulder, up and down, the touch so light it could only be his fingertips.

“Lauren, look at me please,” Liam said hoarsely.

Slowly she raised her head until she met his tortured gaze. There was pain in his eyes and so much regret.

Noah scooted his chair over and carefully reached into her lap where her fingers were tightly laced. He gently pried them apart and lifted her hand, pulling it to his mouth. She was visibly shaking, and she hated having such weakness so evident.

“Baby,” Liam said softly. “Listen to me, okay? I have so much to say right now and I’m fighting a hell of a lot of conflicting emotions, so be patient with me. The first thing you need to know is that I will never hurt you. Do you understand that? I don’t expect you to believe it right away, but I want you to file it away in your mind and I want you to pull it out every time you get afraid. I will never, ever, hurt you physically. I can’t promise that I won’t f**k up and hurt you emotionally. Believe me when I say it’s the very last thing I want to do, but I’m a guy, and we do stupid shit. We say stupid shit. I don’t always think before I speak. That’s going to happen, okay? But you have nothing to fear from me physically.” She gave a jerky nod.