Coda (Songs of Submission #9)(27)

“My mouth is in great shape,” she said.

“So is mine.” I stroked her gently, awakening her nipples. “What if I laid you on that bed and pulled your legs apart. Just the tip of my tongue on your cunt. If I was gentle, would you come, do you think?”

“Yes. I would.”

“Do you like your ring?”

“I love it.”

I stood and wedged my foot between hers, pushing her legs apart. She was used to it and spread them without a stumble. I went behind her. She was framed by the ocean, the curves of her ass blue and black in the evening light. I got on my knees, close to her so she could feel my breath. I waited until the tension was so taut it felt as if it would break like rock candy.

I brushed my finger inside her thigh. She was painted in angry bruises there too. I’d stopped feeling guilty about inflicting damage; I knew the difference between hurt and harm.

“I’m sorry about the party. About worrying you. I was joking, not thinking.”

“I’ll die if you do that again.”

I brushed my fingers over her soft wet lips, slightly touching the dampness.

“I just…”

“Go ahead,” I said.

“That hospital. The smells. The colors. You. It claws at me. In my sleep, I hear the doctors whispering. I dream you’re dying in a room I can’t find. When I think of it, I just think of you in pain. It hurt me. And I’m sorry I’m being self-involved.”

“You’re not being self-involved.” I kissed the small of her back.

“I dread it. I know I’m going to have to go back there with you, and the dread hangs on me.”

I rested my cheek against the curve of her spine and put my arms around her waist. She didn’t move her hands, ever obedient when in scene. I could hear her lungs through her rib cage as they let out short, sharp breaths.

“I didn’t give you permission to cry,” I said gently.

“I’m sorry.”

I pulled away from her and stood. “On the bed, goddess. Facedown. Hands under your thighs. And face the window.”

She did it, and when she automatically put her ass up in ready position, my dick went completely rigid. I pressed her ass down until she was totally flat against the bed. She watched me peel off my clothes. I put pajama bottoms on so I wouldn’t distract her.

“Wait here.”

I went into the bathroom for lotion. The last time I’d done that, I’d seen her negative pregnancy test. I thought about that thing every time I went in there. The burden of it was so heavy that I often went down the hall to piss.

“Are we still in scene?” she asked when I sat at the edge of the bed.

“No.” I put a blob of lotion in my hand and closed it into a fist to warm the lotion.

“I want you to f*ck me.”

“Nope.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s my birthday, and I can do whatever I want.” I put the lotion on her back and slowly dragged my hands down from her shoulder blades to her waist.

Her eyes fluttered closed. I put more weight on the heels of my hands and moved them back up to her shoulders. She groaned.

“What were you and Eddie talking about?” I asked. She stiffened. “Relax. It’s just a question. Did he upset you?” I worked my hands over her shoulders and down her biceps.

“No. But there’s a thing in New York. I don’t think I can make it.”

“No?”

She made a noise in her throat that was a cross between “no” and “that feels nice.”

“The last two weeks have been good, goddess. Really good.” I focused on her shoulders for a second then moved back down her body. I stopped at her ass, which, in all its beauty, was welted and tender. I pressed my thumbs into the sides of her spine and moved back up.

“Mmm.”

“You are everything. My everything. There’s nothing I’d change about you. And that includes your talent and ambition.”

“I don’t want to be away from you,” she grumbled.

“I’m bound to you wherever you are. You know that, right?”

She opened her eyes and looked at me through the web of hair. “Come with me.”

“No. I have things to do here.”

“Like what?”

“Hush.” I moved the hair away and kissed her cheek, then I grabbed the lotion and moved to the end of the bed. “You need to make your life happen. If I hadn’t been sick, you’d come and go as you pleased. As we pleased. That’s what I want for you.”

The insides and backs of her thighs couldn’t be touched. Her ass either. What a gorgeous mess. I’d planted that bamboo thinking I might use it, but I had no idea how effective it was. I gave her feet and calves attention, rubbing away her worry and stress.

“We need to live fully, goddess. We both need to live as if we could die tomorrow, and we have to plan for a future where you’re a hundred and ten.”

She moaned. I’d promised her my mouth, and my dick wanted hers, but when I finished rubbing her feet, she was fast asleep.

chapter 16.

MONICA

I called Eddie from the back deck while Jonathan had his run, and I told him I was going to New York. Laurelin dropped into the lounge chair next to me in her sensible little sneakers and zip-up purple fleece.