Christmas on 4th Street (Fool's Gold #12.5)(69)

“He’s gone,” she whispered, hanging on to the counter to keep from going down on her knees. “He’s really gone.”

Then the tears came. They poured down her cheeks as she held in her sobs. Arms held her tight as her friends offered comfort and understanding. She let them take over, let them guide her to the sofa, let them tell her that eventually she would be all right.

She told herself to listen. To remember that she was strong. She had conquered much more than this already. She’d survived against brutal odds. She would get over her broken heart.

Eventually.

* * *

On Christmas Eve day, Noelle closed the store early. Not only was she fighting the hangover from hell, but she also had a lot to do.

The previous night her friends had been there for her. Unfortunately, they’d invited along Jo’s very strong margaritas. After her emotional storm had passed, there had been drinking and eating and calling Gabriel names. Felicia had talked about her trials with Gideon because the man had been pigheaded. Dakota Andersson had told how she’d had to fly to Alaska to convince Finn they belonged together. Each woman had a story of love found, which Noelle appreciated, but she was less sure of her own happy ending. Gabriel had said from the beginning that he didn’t believe there was a point to love. She’d been foolish not to listen.

Three pots of tea, some crackers and two aspirin later, the worst of her hangover seemed to have improved enough for her to be functional. She walked from the store to her house, aware of the time. She had an appointment and didn’t want to be late.

She let herself inside and greeted her cat family. Then she made sure the evidence of the previous night was all put away.

Right on time, someone knocked on her door. She let in Patience and her very excited daughter. Lillie practically danced in place as she entered the house.

“We’ve already been to the pet store,” Lillie told Noelle. “We have a litter box and the food you’re using and some toys and a bed. We got a book on taking care of a kitten and I’ve read it twice. Mom warned me that she’s going to be sad for a few days, because she’ll miss her family, but then she’ll be okay and I need to be patient.”

Lillie’s expression turned hopeful. “I’ll be eleven soon and I’m very responsible.”

Noelle still felt like her heart had been ripped out, but listening to Lillie reminded her there were so many wonderful moments in her life. Friends who cared and things to look forward to. Like giving Lillie her very first kitten.

“Do you know which one you want?” she asked.

Lillie nodded, then pointed to the little black-and-white kitten crawling up the side of the sofa. “Her.”

Noelle looked at Patience, who nodded.

“Merry Christmas,” Noelle said.

Lillie grinned broadly, then hurried to pick up the kitten. The little cat relaxed into her arms and playfully batted at a lock of hair.

“Thank you,” Patience said. “She’s so excited.”

Noelle laughed. “One down, six to go. Spread the word.”

* * *

Gabriel had decided to go to Mexico. He headed south on I-5, only to change his mind when he hit San Diego. He spent the night in a cheap motel by a truck stop, then figured he would go east. Maybe Florida would be nice. Halfway across Arizona, he turned around again. By two o’clock on Christmas Eve day, he was at the Oregon border, pulling into a rest stop and wondering when he was going to admit the truth.

He couldn’t leave. He’d been driving for two days and he was still within a couple hundred miles of where he’d started.

He told himself to let go. That he had to move on. That there was nothing for him in Fool’s Gold. Not friends, not family and certainly not Noelle. The thing was, he’d never been very good at lying to himself. Everything important to him waited there and for the life of him, he couldn’t figure out why he was so scared to simply accept that.

At the rest stop, he got out of his car, then stood there with no clue as to what to do next. He wanted to raise his fist, but to whom? And for what? There was no one to be pissed at except maybe himself. He’d left her. That was the raw truth. He’d left Noelle, no doubt hurting her. She’d said she loved him and he’d run like some scared little kid.

He walked to the sidewalk, then back to his door, telling himself he hadn’t had a choice. What was he supposed to do? Tell her he loved her, too? Propose again, this time for real? That wasn’t going to happen. Six weeks he could give her. He would have been there for her every second. He would have—

Gabriel swore loudly, startling an older woman walking a small dog. She came to a stop, stared at him, then quickly turned and went the other way.

“I’m sorry,” he called after her. “I’m not crazy or dangerous.”

The woman walked faster.

He got in his car, where at least he could rant without disturbing people and retraced his logic. He would help Noelle die but he wouldn’t share in her life. Was that it? Six weeks were okay, but what about eight? Or twelve? Would he agree to one year but not two?

Life was tenuous, he reminded himself. It could be taken away at any second. He’d seen it countless times.

But he’d also seen his father feeling up his mother after nearly forty years of marriage. He’d seen happy couples of all ages, enjoying what they had. Everyone knew that life ended, but they didn’t live in fear. They lived with joy. They loved and laughed and when it was over, however long that was, they could say there were no regrets.