Checkmate (Neighbor from Hell #3)(73)

“Because you called me a naughty, naughty name,” Jason said on a huff that was quickly followed by a little sigh of pleasure as she rubbed between his shoulders.

“Called you a naughty name?” she repeated in disbelief, foolishly pausing in her labor and earning another pinch. “Ow! Stop doing that, ass**le!”

“Again with the name calling,” Jason sighed.

“She was always so mean to us,” Trevor mused just as an odd crunching noise caught her attention.

She moved her glare away from the large bastard using her lap as a pillow to the large bastard sprawled out in the chair across from her and snapped, “Oh my God! Stop eating that!”

“Your trail mix tastes funny,” Trevor said with a cringe.

“That wasn’t trail mix, you bastard! That was potpourri!”

“Well, that explains a lot,” he said, giving her a sheepish smile as he returned the large wooden bowl back to the side table. She didn’t need to look to know that he’d already eaten half the bowl of potpourri. She didn’t even bother asking him what the hell was wrong with him since she knew the answer.

The man was a Bradford.

Enough said.

It was also the reminder that she needed to find out why they were here and throw their asses out before she got caught harboring Bradfords. She really needed to find out what they did to get banned in the first place, but that was a problem for another time. Right now she needed to deal with them, and hopefully she could do that in less than twenty minutes so that she could get a quick shower in and take care of Bunny before she met Connor, and enjoyed her night of unlimited hot cocoa.

“There’s that smile again,” Trevor said, sounding amused.

“Why are you here?” she demanded, deciding to ignore the fact that she couldn’t help smiling when she thought about Connor.

“To help you, you ungrateful bastard,” Jason grumbled, snuggling his head near her knees and she was tempted, oh so tempted to shove him onto the floor and give him that wedgie that he was practically begging for.

“How exactly is having you bitch and whine helping me?” she demanded, rubbing faster when she felt his hand move near her calf.

“I wouldn’t be bitching and whining if that bastard’s Red Sox loving wife hadn’t tried to poison me!” Jason bit out harshly and she knew without asking that her cousin was more pissed off about the fact that Trevor’s wife, Zoe, had a soft spot for all things Red Sox than the actual poisoning.

She still cringed when she thought about last Christmas’ family gathering. All she had to say was that Zoe had guts showing up at a Bradford gathering with her twin baby boys dressed in matching Red Sox jerseys. She could still remember the stunned silence that took over the house when Zoe pulled the baby blanket off the twin’s and revealed those damn jerseys that her brothers, cousins and she may have accidentally smeared pudding, chocolate and cold gravy on within minutes of the unveiling.

It hadn’t mattered that they’d “accidentally” dropped the small jerseys in the fire place when they offered to clean them, the damage had already been done. She’d never seen Trevor look so angry before. Instead of yelling at Zoe like she expected, he just became deathly silent and walked away from Zoe. It was actually kind of frightening. For the rest of the night he sat silently in the corner of the room, never taking his glare away from his wife. It wasn’t until Zoe complimented Aunt Janice on her table arrangement that he reacted. He was up and out of his chair and across the room in seconds, shoving aside anyone that was foolish enough to get in his way. Without a word, he grabbed Zoe’s hand, yanked her out of the room and disappeared down the hall. She’d like to say that she hadn’t heard her cousin ha**ng s*x and that those sounds didn’t still haunt her to this day, but she couldn’t. The rest of the family found it amusing, but they knew better than to say anything about it.

Everyone pretended that the incident never happened, partly because they knew that Trevor would beat the hell out of them if any of them gave his wife any shit, but mostly because they were all deathly afraid of Zoe and her baked goods. So far the small, plain woman, who made her laugh her ass off, had managed to send a total of twenty-nine Bradfords to the emergency room to have their stomachs pumped. Speaking of Bradfords and emergency rooms…..

“Should we bring him to the emergency room?” she asked, throwing Jason a nervous look and noting the slightly green color marring his normally healthy tanned skin.

“No, he’ll be fine. He only took one bite of the brownie,” Trevor said, sounding unconcerned. She opened her mouth to argue, but then with a sigh and a shrug she reminded herself that Trevor would know the danger signs of eating Zoe’s baked goods better than anyone.

“Fine, then tell me how the two of you breaking the ban is helping me out?”

“Let us worry about the ban,” Trevor said with a shrug as he reached for the bowl of potpourri, but one look from her had him pulling his hand back and shooting her a sheepish smile.

“Are you going to tell me why you’re here?” she asked, absently as she threw another glance towards the clock. She might have to skip the shower and take one later with Connor, she realized as she calculated the odds of throwing her cousins out, feeding Bunny and at the very least brushing her teeth before Connor showed up. She had to admit that the odds weren’t very good.