Chasing Impossible (Pushing the Limits #5)(84)

“We all have to pay for our sins,” he says. “When I saw you, I thought maybe saving you would take care of past ones and any future ones, as well. I never thought I’d care for you though. That was unexpected.”

“I love you,” I say, and it’s like my tongue twists with the words. We don’t say things like this to one another, but there’s a chance I’ll never see him again.

Dad grins, and it’s so shocking beautiful that it takes my breath away. “You were worth it, Abby. Having you around always made it all worth it.”

He looks at the clock and I know he wants to make it back to his cell before he’s caught in here longer than he wants to be. Once we go past a certain time, he has to stay in here regardless. Brief visits work better for him. He stands and so do I.

Dad mumbles something to the guard near us that he’s saying goodbye, and we briefly hug and it’s not nearly as long as I wish it could be. The ends of my mouth tremble, no matter how hard I try to keep them from moving. It’s even more difficult to blink away the wetness invading the edges of my eyes.

He kisses my temple and releases me, leaving me feeling cold and like I might collapse to the floor. A part of me still feels like I’m three, a part of me still needs my daddy.

Before he walks through the door to his side, Dad glances over his shoulder and raises his hand in goodbye.

“What was my name?” I ask, and don’t care that several people stop talking to stare at us.

“True,” he says. “She named you True.”

And just like I popped into his life all those years ago, he disappears from mine. I turn and begin the long road to absolutely nowhere.

Logan

I unlock the front door to Abby’s grandmother’s house and walk in before Abby does to check out the place. Isaiah’s staying on the front porch to act as guard. A quick glance around, Nadia places her finger to her mouth then points to Abby’s grandmother, who has nodded off in the hospital bed in the front room. I wave Abby in and she drops her bag to the ground and heads straight for her grandmother.

Abby told me and Isaiah everything her father said on the ride back to Louisville and when she ran out of things to say, she rested her temple against the window and watched the world race past. She looked alone and lost and she’s breaking my heart.

“How is she?” Abby asks.

“Tired.” Nadia offers a safe answer. Her eyes flicker from me to Abby and when they rest back on me, she tilts her head to let me know she’s heading to the kitchen. I nod that Abby and I are good.

Abby perches herself on the edge of the bed and takes her grandmother’s hand. “Grams, I need you to wake up for me.” She waits a few seconds then tries again in a louder voice. “Grams, please wake up.”

“Abby,” I start, but then her grandmother’s eyes flutter open.

Abby smiles and pushes her hair behind her ears. “Hi, Grams.”

The old woman’s eyes widen and she looks wildly about the room.

“It’s me. It’s Abby. I’ve missed you.”

Abby’s grandmother turns her head now and I shift, feeling uncomfortable. She’s searching for something familiar and it’s going to kill Abby that Abby isn’t who she remembers.

“I saw Dad,” she says. “He misses you, too.”

Abby’s grandmother’s voice cracks, but she doesn’t say anything intelligible, but does move her other hand to cover Abby’s. It’s the same type of movement a child waking from a bad dream would do—reach out to the nearest adult, to the one who can scare the monsters away.

“Can I read to you, Grams?” Abby grabs the book off the table, and I decide to wait with Isaiah on the front porch. I can’t stick around and watch Abby say goodbye.

The old door groans when I open it and it groans again when I shut it. Isaiah has his hip cocked against the railing and watches me as I mirror his position on the other side of the ramp.

“I keep trying to figure out another way this can end, but I can’t find the solution,” I say.

“Not sure there is one,” Isaiah answers. “Choices like the ones Abby made have consequences. None of them pretty. Sucks, because you figured out where you stand.”

“I love her.”

Isaiah nods and we stare out on the quiet neighborhood and the tranquil world Abby and her father had created. When I first came here, I thought this life was Abby’s lie and now I realize that the drug dealer was the front.

“You did good, man,” Isaiah offers. “Not too many guys would be firm enough in themselves to love her like you did.”

“Running into an alley? Any of us would have done that.”

“Naw, guys are good at running in, but most of the time, they run back out when things get rough and before the job is done.” Isaiah meets my eyes. “You gave up your darkest secret to save her. Takes a strong guy to love like that. Takes a guy who knows who he is.”

I mull over Isaiah’s words as I watch a bird fuss over a nest in the tall maple in the front yard. When I first met Abby, Dad was right, I didn’t have a clue who I was, but throughout the past months of knowing Abby, the past few weeks, the past few days, I figured it out.

I may not have a clue what I want to do with the rest of my life like West, Chris, Noah, Ryan, and Isaiah, but as I try to figure it out, at least I’ll know who I already am. Because what I do for money, what is going on with my health, is only a portion of who I am—not the entire picture.