Chasing Impossible (Pushing the Limits #5)(41)

It’s eleven at night. Can’t decide if I’m early or late. I haven’t seen Grams in too long. I haven’t seen a shred of myself in what feels like forever. Hearts were broken today, mine included. Deals were done. My boss and my bodyguard were happy. Somehow, I just feel terrified, exhausted, and hollow.

The large oak door whines when I open it and makes a clunking sound when I shut it behind me and lock it. Triple lock it. With the knob, the chain then the dead bolt. Not that the locks would keep out a shooter, but I’ve kept this place a secret like my father did. Hopefully, I’ll be able to keep it a secret a little while longer.

I turn and my heart leaps into my throat. A quick recognition and the sucking in of air prevents me from screaming, but the large helping of anger is encouraging me to yell anyway. Sitting on the stairs is black hair, broad shoulders, and a key dangling from a finger—my key—and he’s the last person I need to see right now...he’s the only person I want to see right now...it’s Logan.

“What are you doing here?” I whisper-shout then throw my hands in the air. “Never mind. Don’t care. Get out.”

Being Logan, he says nothing. Does nothing. He’s a wall that never changes color.

“Are you stalking me?” I bite out, then a rush of hurt runs through me. I know he wasn’t. Every day I was in the hospital, Logan came here at three and read to my grandmother and then he checked on her every night because he knew I was worried about her going to sleep, because some nights were rougher on her than others. And then he’d text me to let me know how she was.

“Heard who you left with,” he says in an even and lifeless tone. “Figured you’d be working. My bad if you didn’t want to know how she was doing.”

My cell burns in my back pocket and I think of the buzz I had received seconds before walking onto the ramp. It’s like someone reached in and is crushing my aorta. No doubt that text was from Logan. I left with Linus, knowingly setting Logan up to be hurt, and Logan still checked on my grandmother—for me.

My frame shakes and I pivot away from Logan because I don’t know what to do, what to say. The television is on low in the living room, the late news, and I follow the sound, wondering how many times the alley shooting was on last week, wondering if my name was mentioned.

I lean my shoulder on the doorway and Nate smiles when he sees me. “Welcome home, Abby.”

I nod because I’m too tired and shaken to do anything else. “She okay?”

“It’s been a rough week on her, but we made it through.” Nate’s the best night nurse on the face of the planet. Strong, friendly, a night owl by nature. The proud black man who can bench-press both me and my grandmother combined. Three times a week, he’s cracking jokes as he helps lift Grams into the shower as Nadia bathes her. “Your friend was a big help.”

Of course he was. Logan’s one of the good guys. The hero. The right. The moral. The just. Sitting on the stairs of the house full of people damned by the in-between.

“Has she been sleeping okay through the night?” My eyes automatically fall to the baby monitor next to Nate on the couch. There have been many nights that he’s sat by my grandmother’s bed because she’s become scared of the dark as she’s grown older.

“Last night was a tough one, but I think she’ll do better once she sees you again. How are you doing?”

I find the strength to wink at Nate. “That sounded an awful lot like a personal question.”

He just flashes that big white smile and laughs. “Just conversation. You look dead. Head upstairs and go to sleep for the night. Ms. Lynn won’t be happy if you look this bad in the morning.”

Nate knows Grams might not recognize me, but he’s one of those good guys that try to say things to make me feel better. Nate lives with me in the land of gray. I pay all three of my nurses under the table, in cash, all without Uncle Sam collecting his taxes.

When I turn back to the stairs, Logan’s still sitting there. He wasn’t a dream or a hallucination.

“Why are you here?” There’s no anger in my voice, just exhaustion. I hurt him today. He shouldn’t want to be anywhere near me.

Logan circles the key on his finger. “Isaiah told me everything. How you’re trying to push us all away.”

A long weary breath falls from my mouth. That I never counted on. “Seriously? Has he not seen a movie or read a book? This isn’t how things work. I need his help, he gives it, then takes the secret to the grave. I needed the manipulative misunderstanding to work. People aren’t supposed to talk to each other. Especially you two. Men aren’t supposed to have actual conversations. Get your gender roles straight.”

Logan finally breaks his stone-wall appearance as his lips tug up then go back down. “Pushing him away pissed him off.”

Stupid boys and figuring out they have stupid feelings. “Doesn’t change anything.”

“Maybe it does. Maybe it doesn’t. You really want to talk about this right here?” His eyes roam to where Nate sits. I pay my nurses well enough that I could prance around naked with pot pasted all over me and they’d keep quiet, but I keep my business dealings a secret to protect all of us.

Short of pushing, pulling, and kicking Logan off the stairs, I can tell by the rigid set of his jaw he’s bent on talking, and let’s be honest, Logan’s massive and would win the physical push-pull contest. “Fine.”