Ceremony in Death (In Death #5)(63)

Ah, Roarke thought, there we are. “He was hard on you?”

“Why shouldn’t he be?” Her voice rose as she whirled and searched for temper to cover the hurt. “He should’ve been able to trust me. I lied to him, right to his face.”

“What choice did you have?”

“There’s always a choice.” She bit the words off, heaved the half-empty bottle at the wall, where it bounced and spewed out bubbling water. “There’s always a choice,” she repeated. “I made mine. I knew how he felt about Frank, about Alice, but I blocked him out. I followed orders. I walked the line.”

She could feel the pain rising, straining to spew as the water had spewed out of the bottle. She fought to block it back. “He was right, everything he said to me. Everything. I could have gone to him on the side.”

“Is that what you were trained to do? Is that what he trained you to do?”

“He made me,” she said fiercely. “I owe him. I should have told him how it was going down.”

“No.” He stepped to her, took her by the shoulders. “No, you couldn’t.”

“I could have.” She shouted it. “I should have. I wish to God I had.” And broke. Covered her face with her hands and broke. “Oh God, what am I going to do?”

Roarke gathered her close. She cried rarely, a last resort, and always when the tears finally came they were vicious. “He needs time. He’s a cop, Eve. Part of him already understands. The rest just needs to catch up.”

“No.” Her hands fisted in his shirt, held on. “The way he looked at me… I’ve lost him, Roarke. I’ve lost him. I swear I’d rather lose my badge.”

He waited while the tears stormed out, while her body shook with them. There was such strong emotions in her, he thought, rocking as her hands clenched and unclenched against his back. Emotions she’d spent a lifetime bottling up, so they were only the more potent when they broke free.

“Damn it.” She let out a breath, long and shaky. Her head felt achy, muffled, her throat raw. “I hate doing that. It doesn’t help.”

“More than you think.” He stroked a hand over her hair, then tipped it under her chin to lift her face. “You need food and a decent night’s sleep, so you can do what you need to do.”

“What I need to do?”

“Close the case. Once you have, you can put all this behind you.”

“Yeah.” She pushed her hands over her hot, wet cheeks. “Close the case. That’s the bottom line.” She hissed out a breath. “That’s the goddamn job.”

“That’s justice.” He brushed a thumb over the dent in her chin. “Isn’t it?”

She looked up at him, her eyes reddened, swollen, exhausted. “I don’t know anymore.”

She didn’t eat, and he didn’t press her. There had been grief in his life, and he knew food wasn’t the answer. He’d considered browbeating her into taking a sedative. That, he knew, would have been an ugly business. So he was grateful when she went to bed early. He made some excuse about a conference call.

From his office, he watched on the monitor until her restless twists and turns stopped, and she slept. What he had to do would take no more than an hour or two. He doubted she’d surface before then and miss him.

He’d never been to Feeney’s. The apartment building was comfortably shabby, well-secured, and unpretentious. Roarke thought it suited the man. Because he didn’t want to risk being refused entrance, he bypassed the security buzzer and entrance locks.

That suited him.

He strolled through the tiny lobby, caught the faint scent of a recent insect extermination. Though he approved the intent, he disliked the lingering reminder of it, and made a note to have it dealt with.

After all, he owned the building.

He stepped into an elevator, requested the third floor. He noticed when he stepped out again that the corridor carpet could use replacing. But it was well lit, the tiny beam on the security cameras blinking efficiently. The walls were clean and thick enough to muffle all but a faint hum of life behind closed doors.

A low drift of music, a quick rumble of laughter, a fretful baby’s nighttime wail. Life, Roarke thought, and a pleasant one. He rang the bell at Feeney’s door and waited.

His eyes stared soberly at the peep screen, continued to stare when Feeney’s irritated voice came through the intercom.

“What the hell do you want? You slumming?”

“I don’t think this building qualifies as a slum.”

“Anything does, compared to that palace you live in.”

“Do you want to discuss the difference in our living arrangements through the door, or are you going to ask me in?”

“I asked what you want.”

“You know why I’m here.” He quirked a brow, making sure it was just insulting enough. “You’ve got guts enough to face me, don’t you, Feeney?”

It had, as Roarke had expected, the right effect. The door swung open. Feeney stood, blocking entrance with his compact body braced for war, his rumpled face bright with fury. “It’s none of your f**king business.”

“On the contrary.” Roarke stood where he was, kept his voice even. “It’s very much my f**king business. But I don’t believe it’s any of your neighbors’.”