Celebrity in Death (In Death #34)(58)

He took a sip of beer, shook his head. “That’s a memory.”

And the sort he rarely shared and she rarely asked about. “What happened?”

“Well, we fought all night, and into the day, to keep afloat. It was like being rattled about like dice in a cup. The water heaving over the deck. You’re never so alone as that, I think, than in a storm at sea. We didn’t all make it, and there was no help for those who went into the water. The instant they did, they were lost.”

She could see he’d gone back, felt it through and through, so said nothing while he took a moment for the rest.

“I remember being slammed, tumbling toward the rail and the sea that waited to swallow a man down. And ramming into something, I can’t say what even now, that stopped me before I pitched into the maw of it. And as I managed to brace myself, I caught someone’s hand as those bloody waves heeled us up, caught it as he was sliding by me. I saw his face in a sheet of lightning. Little Jim they called him as he was small and slight. Tough one though, Little Jim. I’d taken fifty from him the night before the storm in a poker game. I’d had a heart flush over his full house. I had him, I thought, I had him, but the water slammed us again, and he slipped out of my hold, and went over the side.”

He paused, lifted his beer, sipped it, like a toast. “And that was all of Little Jim from Liverpool.”

“How old were you?”

“Hmm? Ah, eighteen. Maybe younger, maybe a bit younger than that. We lost five men that night. You wouldn’t have called them good men, I suppose, but it was a hard death for them just the same. And still, we got the cargo in. So …”

He shrugged, bit into his pizza. “I’ve no yearning to travel about on a boat. But I can pilot one well enough if you get a sudden yen.”

“I think we’re both safe from that.” She laid a hand over his. “Was it worth it?” she wondered. “All the risks you took?”

“I am where I am, and you’re with me. So it was, yes, worth it all just for this.” He turned his hand over under hers, linked fingers. “For this.”

She thought about it on the drive home. She rarely asked specifics about the life he’d led before they’d met. She knew about the misery of his childhood, the poverty, the hunger, the violent abuse at the hands of his father.

Neither of them had cheerful, happy Christmas memories from what people called the formative years.

She knew he’d been a Dublin street rat, a thief, pickpocket, an operator, and one who’d used those street skills and more to build the foundation for what was, essentially, a business empire.

She understood that while he’d been moving toward full legitimacy when they’d met, he’d still had his fingers in a few messy pies—more for amusement than need. He’d pulled his fingers out, plugged up those holes for her. For them.

She knew bits and pieces of the time between, but there were large chunks, like a storm at sea, she didn’t know.

When she wondered—and cops always wondered—she usually just let it be. Because he was right. Whatever he’d done, wherever he’d gone, it had all brought him to her.

But there were times she wondered why, and how.

“What do you think hooks people together? Besides the physical. I mean, sex hooks all sorts of people together that don’t work.”

“Other than chemistry? I suppose recognition plays a part.”

She rolled her eyes toward him. “That wifty Irish woo-woo.”

“Wifty?”

“You know.” She shook her hands in the air. “I see how Matthew hooked up initially with K.T. Harris. Same business, same place, both attractive. I even see, to a point, why when he shook her off she dug in. That can be pride, stubbornness, or just obstinacy. But this is—was—more. Obsession’s more than pride and obstinacy. She followed him, spied on him, hired a PI at considerable expense to perform illegal acts, and hoped to blackmail him with the results. She was so dug in on it she planned their holiday vacation together. It didn’t matter to her he didn’t want her, or that if he caved and went along with her it would be under duress. It’s a kind of rape.

“So I just answered my own question.”

“Power, control, and careless violence. Everything you’ve told me about her speaks to her wanting power, over people, her image, her career.”

“You know more about power—getting it, keeping it—than anyone I know. When you want something, you find a way to get it. You wanted me.”

Reaching over, he danced his fingers over the back of her hand. “And I’ve got you, don’t I?”

“Because I wanted you back. I mean, think of the coffee alone. I’d’ve been a fool to say no.”

“And you’re no fool.”

“But if I’d been one, if I’d said no—”

“You did, initially.”

“Yeah, and you walked away. That was pride, but it was also strategy. You cut me off, and because I was stupid in love with you, I came to you.”

“Came to your senses.”

“I needed the coffee. But if I hadn’t. If I’d found another means to feed my need for coffee, what would you have done?”

“I’d have done anything I could to persuade you you’d never be happy without my coffee.” Including groveling, he thought. But why bring that up?