Ceaseless (Existence Trilogy #3)(24)

Danger was Hell’s last request.

Let go it’s all there is that’s left. Let go your sin has no wrath.

Forgiveness wasn’t given yet. Not yet. Not yet.

No regrets.

“That is their new one. I love it,” Miranda whispered as she came up beside me.

“It’s some morbid shit is what it is,” Gee said with an annoyed tone.

I watched Dank as he sang the words and wondered what song of his I’d heard before. His voice was familiar. I’d heard him sing something. His stuff wasn’t mainstream so I knew it hadn’t been on the radio.

He shifted his eyes to me and a grin tugged at the corners of his mouth before he turned back to the crowd and started the next song. Les talked to their fans. Dank might be the voice but he wasn’t the personality. He didn’t perform for the crowd. Les was doing a good job of that. The girls chanted Dank’s name just the same.

“He plays that mystery card well,” Miranda said approvingly. “They love him because they feel he is hiding some big secret and they want to know it.”

Gee snorted and we both turned to look at her. If Dank had a secret she’d be the one to know it. “No one wants inside his head. Trust me.”

I felt the need to defend him. Shaking that off I looked back out at him. I’d known him one week. She’d known him most of his life. I knew nothing really. “Stop frowning Peggy Ann. I was only teasing. Dank Walker has his secrets but nothing you would run from. Trust me when I tell you that.”

That was better. She wasn’t being so negative about him now. I liked Dank. He was nothing like I’d first assumed. I started to say something to Miranda when the sounds of Dank’s guitar playing became the only sound out there. The rest of the band had stepped back leaving him in center stage. Something in me ached. Was it the lonely sad sound of the music or seeing Dank standing there in the darkness alone? I wasn’t sure what it was exactly but it made my chest hurt. Then he began singing. Each word tugged at me. Something about what he was singing. The melody wrapped around me. I wanted to go to him and hold him. I braced myself against the wall as the words “Yet You Stay” caused my heart to race. What was wrong with me? My head pounded violently and the words “Yet You Stay” drummed over and over again as my breathing became difficult and my vision blurred. I heard Gee asking me if I was okay. I heard Miranda’s frantic voice saying I was having a panic attack. I couldn’t focus on any of them. The words were drowning me. Suffocating me. I needed air.

“Move,” Dank’s voice broke into my fog and I managed to take a much-needed deep breath. Coughing as the air entered my lungs. “I’ve got you, Pagan. It’s okay. I’m sorry,” he murmured other things that I didn’t understand but they soothed me. My heart slowed down and the pounding subsided to a small ache. Dank was holding me and rocking me in his arms. His hand was caressing my head with gentle strokes. I was suddenly tired.

“She okay?” Gee asked from somewhere nearby.

“Yeah, she’s breathing easy now,” Dank replied.

“What the heck happened? She was fine one minute and the next minute she was in a full-blown panic attack. I know what it was because I had several after my boyfriend died. I could see it all over her face. She couldn’t breathe; she couldn’t see.” Miranda sounded upset.

I lifted my head from Dank’s chest and looked up to see that Dank was sitting on the floor with his back against the wall and I was in his lap. Miranda knelt beside us wringing her hands frantically.

“I’m good. I don’t know what happened. Something just snapped,” I tried to explain. I decided against telling them that the words to his song had sent me spiraling out of control.

“It’s the move. You’ve not gotten enough sleep. You’re adjusting. I’m forcing you to go out places at night and then unloading all my screwed up emotions on you. I’ve cried on your shoulder and you’ve been the one to make me feel better. It’s my fault. I need to stop being a big baby.” I held up my hand to stop Miranda from her sudden need to take all the blame for this.

“I’m fine. Nothing is your fault. I don’t know what triggered it, but I’m good now.” I felt like an idiot curled up like a baby in Dank’s arms. It was a miracle this guy hadn’t sent me packing yet. I started to stand up and let him get back to the band. It sounded as if the other members were carrying on without him. He jumped up quickly and hovered beside me as if I was going to crumple to the ground.

“You’re supposed to be out there,” I told him nodding toward the stage.

“I can quit for the night. Do you want me to drive you back to your dorm?” His worried tone made this even more humiliating. I was the crazy, mentally unstable friend.

“No. Really. I am fine but I do think I’m gonna go if Miranda is okay with that,” I glanced over at her and she nodded in agreement.

“I can take you. She can stay and listen to the rest of the set,” he said studying my face as if he was waiting on some answer to appear.

“I got this, Dank. Go do your thing. You have a long night ahead of you,” Gee piped up and Dank shot her a warning glare. It was something I was used to seeing him direct her way. He did it a lot.

“I’m fine. You go sing,” I assured him again and pushed him gently toward the stage entrance.