Butterflies in Honey (Growing Pains #3)(86)

“So I started working and winning. I’ve actually never worked so hard in my life. By the time I got Junior VP, I was ready to give up and take the manager position. Life seemed dull. Running was just to work myself into oblivion. Surfing was to forget you. But by then…you had moved on.”

“I moved on to try to forget you. I didn’t think there was any other choice,” Krista said quietly, desperately trying not to cry .

“I know that now. I didn’t then. I worked even harder after I found out. To forget. To punish myself, maybe. I’d heard about you from Tory. About your accomplishments. I think he was trying to use you as a carrot to the donkey—me being the donkey, obviously. He’s a shrewd businessman. He knows how to push people. And I was blowing it up at Dexico. Sale after sale. I made that company money hand over fist.

“You were still with that guy, though. Chet. I didn’t much care about a job with Tory anymore because I didn’t have a hope of getting you back. But by then I’d proven to Tory what I could do. Immodestly I impressed him. That’s when Tory had you come to San Francisco. I don’t think he intended to use us for anything, but he had us pitch an idea anyway. My God, when I saw you…”

Sean leaned forward on the bar, resting on his arms. He still wasn’t looking at her when he went on. “I can’t describe—it was like I got punched in the gut, Krista.” He turned to her with haunted eyes. “I didn’t remember how beautiful you were. Are. I mean, I remembered that you were beautiful, but I didn’t remember. It’s hard to explain…”

“Your memories didn’t do it justice. I felt that way when I saw you. My memories were a shadow of you.”

“Exactly, yes. A pale shadow at that. And you were so on top of everything. Your poise, your elegance. I had forgotten about all that. Your confidence and the way you hold yourself—like nothing in the world can bring you down. Like you are the rock that people break against. Surfing with you. Running with you. Helping you with your wetsuit. I tried to stay neutral —you had a boyfriend after all. But I touched you when I didn’t need to. Got so worked up I had to walk away. I had to cut off a connection with you again. I wanted to cut off the pain.” Sean looked at Krista like he was willing her to understand. “But when you said you thought about me still... All I wanted was for you to be happy—with whomever you finally chose. I just…”

Sean broke off and looked at his beer again. He didn’t look like he was going to continue.

“I broke up with Chet because you told me to be happy. It wasn’t Chet I wanted.”

“That was my hope. I had been turning Tory down repeatedly. I didn’t want to be in a place where I would be reminded of losing you. He was the one who told me about your relationship status. I finally accepted the job offer, the same day I heard.”

“Because we are good team?”

“Yes. And because I love you. If he had changed his mind, I would have found my way to you with or without the job. Cassie, too.”

“Why are you telling me all this now, Sean? Why didn’t you tell me before? Or in a more private setting?”

“I wanted to, but you slapped me.”

“Oh yeah. But you had that coming.”

“I know. And you nailed it; I was a coward.”

“Well, I guess I was, too. I could have called you, too. I don’t usually let someone get in the way of what I want.”

“Why didn’t you? Call, I mean? Not saying you should have. Just…if you thought about me that much…”

“I was scared you didn’t really want me. You always have everything planned out; always have a concrete reason for everything you do. I guess I didn’t want to push the envelope and be wrong. It was easier thinking it was because of Jim. Otherwise the rejection would have been personal.”

“I find planning life around you is impossible. You always throw a wrench in everything.”

“I’m just trying to keep it interesting.” Krista noticed people were making a move toward the restaurant. Someone must have sounded the cattle call.

“Like tonight…I was going to avoid you again. Let you mingle on your own. It’s good for people to see you without me attached. But…how can I keep away when you draw me to you like a bear to honey?”

“It’s my fault, then, is it?” Krista asked with a smile.

He smiled back. “Didn’t you know? Men being helpless in the throes of lust always blame it on the women.”

“Just put a sheet over my head for your protection.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” he said as he leaned closer. He kissed her lightly on the cheek. “Let’s go to dinner, shall we?”

“Sexual harassment,” Krista muttered as they got up slowly, their bodies only an inch apart.

“But my god, Krista, you do look beautiful. I’ve seldom seen you look prettier.”

They walked slowly, Krista’s arm resting in his like the old days. “You’ve seen me prettier, have you? I haven’t outdone myself?”

“I have seen you prettier, yes. When you first wake up and your hair is all tussled and you turn over and look at me with a sleepy grin, usually asking for breakfast in bed, my heart melts.”

“Yeah but, you never did make me breakfast in bed those times,” Krista said half-sullenly to hide the lead in her chest. That was the best thing a man ever said to her. That Sean thought she was beautiful because of her, as a person, not because her boobs, ass, or other parts. That was real. And it felt real good.