Butterflies in Honey (Growing Pains #3)(108)

Krista’s heart fell out of her chest and flopped along the floor. After it wedged itself under the kitchen cabinets with all the moldy and forgotten food, she blinked a couple times. She sat down slowly, a million words she wanted to say on the tip of her tongue, and taking a deep breath so she didn’t. Call her a fool, but she didn’t see this coming. Usually Sean was a man of his word. And he promised her several times that the trip was for sure. Several times, through all forms of communication. Krista honest-to-god thought he would go. That they’d talk and hang out, and they’d get back on the right path.

Fool me once…

“Why?” She maintained a level voice. She wouldn’t get mad yet. Maybe someone was dying.

“There is going to be a convention this weekend and it would be beneficial for me to attend. There are a lot of connections I would like to make.”

“Can’t you make those connections another time?”

“I’d have to do it piecemeal. This way, they are all in the one location.”

“Okay, but, you have plans this weekend.”

“I know, Krista, and I’m sorry. But this is really important.”

“Sean, I am really important. Your promises to me are really important. You always talk about what a fool you are for letting me go. Well, here you are, letting me go again.”

“Yes, but, you’re coming back.” He had his patient voice on. He used that voice when dealing with people like Bob. Basically, he thought she was being a small minded idiot for not seeing things his way.

“Are you sure?”

Sean’s eyes narrowed. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“What do you think it means, Sean? This is the very reason why I still, to this day, have misgivings about us. You are never around. I barely see you anymore. You are less than a shell of a person. This was exactly what I said I didn’t want.”

“Krista,” Sean pinched the bridge of his nose. His tolerance of their discussion was over before it began. “I told you that I wanted to hit a goal before I relaxed. I haven’t hit the goal yet. As soon as I do, I’ll calm down. If you would just move in, it wouldn’t be such a big deal. You could see more of me.”

“See more of you? Sean, I see all there is to see of you. In the evenings, I get here a half hour after you do. In the morning I leave an hour after you do, if not more. I am in this house more often than you are. Me moving in means you wouldn’t even have to remember to leave the door unlocked. You would have someone to cook for you, clean up after you—everything but wash your ass for you. That’s not seeing more of you. That is servitude.”

“I don’t have time for this. I wanted to go, but it is impossible. I’m sorry. End of discussion.”

There was finality to his statement that sent her over the edge.

“End of discussion? What am I, a 1940’s housewife? That is not the end of the discussion. You don’t have time for me, period. You don’t have time for anything. You are a walking graveyard. You look like shit, Sean. You are mean, you are bitchy, and you never smile. What do you think that means? It means you are unhappy!

“You have a girl you claim to have wanted for years. You have her. Here I am. But guess what, smart guy? You’re losing her. I didn’t sign a pact to be with you through thick and thin. Why? Because you won’t sign the same thing for me. You treat me like I am expendable. Worse than expendable, actually. And guess what? You don’t go this weekend, and seriously change your lifestyle, then I’m leaving. I won’t stay around for this. I have to look out for number one, me, because, and this shouldn’t come as a surprise to you, you only look after you. So you have three days to really rethink your position about this weekend.”

Sean was looking at her skeptically. “So you’re saying that if I don’t go, you are giving up on us? You would let this relationship fail?”

He was trying to hit on her fear of failure. He thought he could manipulate her. It added a heavy film of sadness over her anger.

“Sean, I’ve never believed in us. Not since you pushed me away, twice. Not since you showed up here, without calling, after you were finished hitting your life goals. Since then, I never thought we would succeed. I didn’t think you would compromise to be with me. And look, I was right.”

Sean’s eyes got as big as saucers. It was like she physically punched him in his gut, and he felt beyond wretched, but she was also telling the truth. Little did he know that she had been carrying around this hurt all throughout their time together. She worried it would come to this. It devastated her that it actually did.

Krista snatched her purse and turned to leave. Before she did, though, she turned back around for one final shot.

“And Sean, you talked about family. About having two kids, maybe three. You told me once that you would make a great father. A great husband. What kind of father and husband spends all his time at work? Can’t share dinners with his family? Is always making up excuses and flaking on plans at the last minute? A bad father, Sean. A bad husband. Because you know what? This will never end. What you are doing right now…it’ll never end. You’ll find new goals to hit, new ways to be better. I want my children to know their father. I want my husband to come home to spend time with me. I guess I am selfish like that. I can’t have those things with you. That is clear to me now. I’m sorry.”