Built (Saints of Denver #1)(79)
“I only have one.” He held up his bare hand for inspection as I lifted an eyebrow at him.
“Where did the other one go?”
He shrugged his tiny shoulders and shuffled his feet in the black Converses that matched my own.
“I dunno. I lost it.”
I sighed and pulled the glove off his other hand. I was going to have to start buying those suckers in bulk. “You think you might’ve left it over at Grandma’s?”
More shrugging. “Maybe. Are you mad at me?” His bottom lip trembled when he asked it.
I took his uncovered hand in my own and left the condo. “No, I’m not mad at you. I lost my fair share of gloves when I was your age. I just want you to be warm, remember? It’s my job to take care of you.”
I made sure to keep my steps short and easy for his much smaller legs to keep up with. “I’ll try harder.”
I grinned down at him. “Thanks, buddy.”
“Hey, Zeb.” I stopped and hefted him up so I could put him in the Jeep. When we were eye-to-eye he asked me, “If your friends are going to be there, is Sayer going to be there? I miss her.” Now that he was with me full-time she no longer stopped by to see him after work. I wanted to call her on it, tell her she was making the wrong choices all around, but I knew she had to figure out where she was going on her own. I continued to have hope but the past was still pulling at her hard and I couldn’t do anything more until she worked her way free.
It was a gut punch.
I gave Hyde a little squeeze and worked him into his seat. “I don’t know. She might be and I miss her, too.”
“Call her. You said I could, so why can’t you?” Again, five-year-old logic at its finest.
“Well, bud, I think she would want to talk to you if you called; me . . . not so much. It’s complicated adult stuff that you don’t need to worry about, okay?”
He didn’t bring her up a lot but every time he did it was heart-wrenching. He was too young to have lost so much. He nodded and gazed up at me through his lashes. “Okay, Zeb.”
I shut the door and walked around the Jeep to get in the driver’s side. We were both quiet as I drove toward the suburbs where Asa had bought his new house. I knew Hyde was thinking because his feet were bouncing up and down and he was biting on his lower lip. I could read the kid like a book now and knew he was going to hit me with more questions I probably didn’t have the right answers for. I tried to be honest with him. I tried to be as forthright and as compassionate as I could be, but life wasn’t fair sometimes and there wasn’t always a happy ending. I just hated to tell him that his mother fell into that category.
“Hey, Zeb?”
I looked over at him. “Yeah, buddy?”
“How come you’re better at taking care of me than my mom was?” It was an innocent question but not innocent at all.
It all came down to realizing how much I had to lose if I didn’t care for him the best I could. Hyde was the ultimate second chance, the pinnacle of proving I was a different man from the hotheaded kid who acted without thought. He wouldn’t understand that, so I told him, “I had your grandma and your aunt Beryl to show me how to do it right. I also screwed up really bad a few years ago, made some really bad choices, and saw what would happen to me if I didn’t figure out how to take care of myself and the people I love. I learned from my mistakes and I learned from people that loved me. I don’t think your mom could do that. And I’m not always going to be better at taking care of you, kiddo. We’re both gonna screw up here and there, but we’re going to learn along the way and be better for it in the end.”
He held up his bare hands and wiggled his fingers at me and I nodded at him because he got it. The kid was too smart and too aware for his own good. He shouldn’t have had to live as much life as he already had in his short time on this earth. It was one of my goals to make sure he got to enjoy being a regular old kid from here on out.
“If Sayer wants to be the one to help you take care of yourself and me, that would be awesome.”
I looked at him out of the corner of my eye and was treated to a giant, toothless smile. If I didn’t know any better I would swear the little man was playing matchmaker.
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
Asa’s house was easy to find with all the cars parked in front of it. I took Hyde’s hand, which felt like a block of ice—thank you, missing glove—and led him to the front door. I didn’t bother to knock since I knew everyone was expecting us and was enveloped in the atmosphere of celebration and family as soon as we crossed the threshold. Laughter rang out. There was football on the TV. There were deep voices arguing in a good-natured tone. This was a place full of family, laughter, and love. I had missed it and I was so glad me and my son got to be a part of it.
I hung our coats on the hooks on the wall in the hallway and retrieved Hyde’s trucks from my pockets. I gave him one and held on to one since I still had his hand in mine as we made our way toward where I assumed the kitchen was, since that was where everyone typically congregated when we all got together. We were intercepted by a blond toddler before we made it even a few feet into the house.
Remy Archer was too cute for words in her pink-and-black dress and with her fair hair pulled up in a miniature ponytail on the top of her head. She was still baby chubby but surprisingly sturdy on her legs as she came toward Hyde with glowing blue eyes.