Broken and Screwed (BS #1)(53)

Angie’s hand found mine and gripped tight.

I tasted something wet on my lips and realized there were tears on my cheeks. I’d been crying and I hadn’t known it.

The images never seemed to stop. There were so many. Ethan, Ethan and Jesse, Ethan and their other friends, more of Ethan and our parents, Ethan and his girlfriend. I gasped when there was one with me. I couldn’t believe my parents had considered that image, but it felt right to see it. More tears burst forth from me. The picture was my last morning with him. It was my birthday, his graduation day, and he had smeared my birthday cake all over me. I was trying to pull away from him as his hand reached past my arms with more cake.

A whimper left me and I looked down. I couldn’t see anymore, but a force that wasn’t mine led my eyes back. I couldn’t look away now. Image after image. All of them were of Ethan and the life he had led. He looked happy in every photograph. He looked content.

Oh god. Why did he die? Why was it him?

Torment and agony sliced through me, back and forth, back and forth. It was as if someone took a butcher knife to me. Each picture, each memory, was another stab deep to my gut. I wanted to bowl over. I wanted to cry until I had nothing left in me. It was too much pain. I couldn’t handle any more.

Then Angie gasped, her hand squeezed mine in a knee jerk reaction.

The camera was on me. Blood drained from me as I saw the tear-drenched cheeks, the swollen look of misery, and how even my eyes would have haunted me. But then I was switched to an off camera, a screen to the side stayed on me, and the slideshow continued of Ethan.

I saw the words scroll over the screen.

In memory of Ethan James Connors, the brother that will never be forgotten. November 24, 1993 - June 2, 2012.

I couldn’t stop myself. I shrunk in my seat and pulled my knees to my chest. I buried my head in them as I kept wiping the tears away. But I still couldn’t look away. Then I saw that the same camera that had found me in the stands was on my parents, across the court. My mom was crying and my dad had his arm around her. Malcolm was next to them. His arm was stretched across as my mom held onto his hand. The only one who was unaffected was Sabrina, as she yawned and fanned herself with the program.

I surrendered after that. I didn’t even try to stop the tears. As they slid down, I let them go. When the game resumed, there was no announcement of what had happened. I figured the commentators had probably talked about Ethan, who he was in relation to Jesse Hunt, and they probably even realized that I was his sister, but everything else went back to normal. The buzzer sounded and people started to watch the game, but I felt their eyes. People below us snuck back glances. I knew those behind were watching me, and the few in my aisle wouldn’t look away. Even when Jesse sank the last shot in and the buzzer sounded, everyone jumped to their feet, but the weight of their gazes wouldn’t leave.

As we left the stadium, I was recognized and stared at until we were finally outside and in the confines of a taxi.

And then a different set of tears came out.

Something had happened in that stadium. It was something beautiful that I couldn’t comprehend. I had left Ethan inside. I had left a part of me behind, and as we pulled away, I knew I would miss that. I would miss him, but a weird peace came over me. I didn’t welcome it, not altogether, but I knew it was there. I knew it was time.

“You okay, girl?” Angie asked in a soft voice. Her hand hadn’t left mine the entire time.

I nodded. I missed Ethan, but I nodded to her. I would be okay. I knew it then, and I knew Jesse and I were done. It was time to walk away. I’d been ready before the game, and that feeling was still with me. It hadn’t left.

It was time, but I still had my one night.

We went back to Haze. Angie wore a white dress while I wore a light blue one. The fabric was thin and loose. The ends tied around my neck and also under my arms around my back. It had been between this one and another, but Angie had picked the backless dress. She told me it was Jesse-to-die-for and even gave me a wink at the end of that statement. I knew she didn’t approve, but at least I didn’t feel her disappointment at the mention of his name.

When we got there, I hadn’t heard from him, but it didn’t matter. We got our drinks and headed to the dance floor. We stayed there the whole night; we moved and swayed when the tempo slowed and sped up. The beat was hypnotic. I was in a trance when a pair of hands slid around my waist. I didn’t have to look. I knew those hands. I leaned back against Jesse’s chest. His arms pulled me backwards and his hips moved with mine. His hands held me in place.

My hair was moved to the side as his lips settled in place. They nibbled on my neck and slowly began to move upwards. Heat flared within me. As his hand went around my waist and slid down, I gasped. I arched my back against him. My neck was exposed to him even more. He grasped the back of my neck and tilted me further out. My br**sts ached for his touch. I knew he could see them through the dress. He could see them from the top as he had it pulled away from my body. His hand slid underneath and caressed the side of my stomach.

I melted under his touch.

When I tried to turn towards him, Jesse held me in place. His arms tightened around me. We were molded together; every inch of us was cemented to each other.

I didn’t want it any other way.

His lips kept nibbling on my neck. His tongue swept out and licked at my artery. That sent a rush of heat between my legs and I pressed against his hand. I wanted it down there. I wanted it to stop the throbbing and fulfill it, but his fingers curled around mine. I felt him grin against my skin and held my breath. What was he going to do? But then he led both of our hands down my side. He slipped them in through an opening in my dress. It flared by my hip and our hands touched the top of my V-string. It was such a tiny piece of cloth; it covered almost nothing, but he played with it in his fingers. As he did, his finger swept against the tip of my vagina. I throbbed for him. I salivated for his touch. And I felt a deep chuckle reverberate from his chest as he was pressed against me, but then his hand left the back of my head and circled around. It slipped underneath my dress as well and skimmed the top of my br**sts.