Broken Dove (Fantasyland #4)(82)

She was rambling, and making little sense doing it, so he gave her another gentle shake and interrupted her with, “Maddie, I don’t know what the bloody hell you’re on about.”

“I stabbed a man,” she whispered, her voice horrified. “And I would guess, I think…well, I don’t know about this world, but in my world, we’re not hot on that. So I’m thinking that’s not all that, um…attractive and that you might think me going half-cocked like that is actually, well…crazy.”

He felt the tension release in his shoulders.

She was worried what he thought of her behavior the night before.

“You were overwrought,” he reminded her quietly.

“You can say that again,” she mumbled.

He dropped his voice low. “And you will remember how I reacted to your behavior when I joined you in bed last night.”

She closed her mouth and pink again tinged her cheeks.

She remembered.

“After that, Maddie, how can you misconstrue my response to your actions?”

“He was tied to a chair.” She was still whispering, her voice troubled. “Defenseless.”

“That man was not defenseless,” Apollo declared.

Surprising him at her swift change in tone, she cried, “He was, Apollo! He was tied to a chair!”

“Poppy, he came to my home with the intent to murder my children. He might have been defenseless in that moment, but do not mistake, my dove, even for a moment, that if he was not tied to that chair and given opportunity and a weapon, he would not have brought you low. Me low. Any of my men low. Or Christophe and Élan low.”

She was wide-eyed and it was no less adorable but it had less of an effect on him due to why.

She was also breathing heavily.

And through her breathing, she stated, “Maybe I need to understand what the f**k is going on.”

“You’re aware that I was worried we were in danger, Maddie, and the past few days proved we are.”

“But…children?” she asked quietly.

“Unfortunately, this thoroughly defines the wickedness of our foes. Although unfortunate they are this wicked, it is a twisted boon for we now know what to expect.”

Suddenly, she turned toward him and lifted a hand to curl it around his neck, dipping her face closer to his.

“Right. Here goes. I’m laying it out there,” she began, then announced, “I’m scared, Apollo. Freaking terrified. This shit is whacked. Totally whacked. I’ve had a day to think on all this crap and it freaks me out! I stabbed a man. You killed three. Right in front of me. Your kids in danger. And your guys are drinking ale, playing tuble like nothing’s the matter when it is! Last night you tortured information from an assassin! Tonight, you’re sitting around the dinner table talking about witches and missives and scouting parties and inventorying the armory like you’re discussing the scores of the Lakers vs. Celtics game. That shit is not right!”

“My dove—” he began but she shook her head vehemently and dug her fingers into his neck.

“Unh-unh, you can’t give me one of your sweet, sexy, tender, kickass ‘my doves’ and calm this storm, baby. I’m…freaked…out!”

He fought back his humor at her words and remarked, “I can assume that means frightened.”

“Fuck yes!” she cried.

He started to stroke her back and whispered, “Calm.”

Her eyes got huge again, it was still adorable, and this time the effect was what it usually was even when she went on.

“Calm? You calm!” she returned. “I stabbed a man!”

“Madeleine—”

Abruptly, her forehead dropped to his and she whispered, “I stabbed a man. And honestly? If you gave me those hedge clippers? In that moment, I don’t know what I would have done. I was totally out of control. And you didn’t even blink before you cut his throat.”

He was belatedly seeing his mistake. One he would from then on rectify.

“I should have sheltered you from that. Alas, I was not thinking clearly at the time,” he told her and she lifted her head.

“I think it’s safe to say neither of us was.”

“That happens when you love your children,” he told her and she pulled in an audible breath.

He wrapped his arms around her and gathered her closer.

“Listen to me,” he said gently. “A great deal has happened in the last two days and unfortunately, some of it you weren’t shielded from due to necessity. And, I will remind you of the fact that in the beginning, when we were set upon in Vasterhague, I told you to run and you did not run so I couldn’t shield you from seeing me do what had to be done.”

Her eyes grew sharp and he nearly smiled.

He didn’t. He carried on.

“And the men spoke freely tonight around you. You’ll be shielded from that in the future as well.”

“I prefer to know what’s going on.”

“And I prefer you don’t if it frightens you.”

She drew in a very deep breath and sat back, pulling at his arms. He didn’t gather her closer again because, for some strange reason, she drew a cross over her heart and lifted up two fingers.

Then she declared, “I’ll put my big girl panties on and suck it up from now on, cross my heart, scouts honor, swear.” She dropped her hand. “But, I’d really rather not stab anyone in the future, especially not if they’re tied to a chair.”