Bring Me Home for Christmas (Virgin River #16)(37)

Doug was a very careful planner. He’d been aiming for his father’s legal firm since he started in pre-law. He chose his fraternity carefully; he wanted the right political connections to be strong. He came from good Northeastern stock. He had aspirations to make a lot of money in law and perhaps enter politics. Yes, he’d been good to her. But she couldn’t shake the notion that he might be choosing his future wife like a man might chose a horse.

He answered sleepily. “I woke you,” she said.

“It’s pretty early,” he said.

“Well, I had to use the phone when I could. I need to talk to you about something very important—can you think straight? Doug, Rich left this morning and I’m still here, on my crutches.”

“Uh-huh,” he said, and yawned.

“Here’s what I didn’t tell you but I have to tell you now—and I’m sorry it’s over the phone. Believe me, if it weren’t for the broken ankle, I’d be talking to you face-to-face. What I didn’t tell you is, one of the reasons I decided to come with Rich is because my ex-boyfriend, the one I broke up with three years ago, is here.”

He yawned again. “Very funny, Becca.”

“No, Doug. I’m not joking. See, I began to get the feeling you and I were getting serious. Moving real close to that forever territory. You’ve been talking about marriage and graduating from law school and moving back East and—”

“Eventually,” he said. “But we agreed that possibility is right out there, after law school. What’s he got to do with us?”

“Not with us, Doug. With me. I hadn’t seen him in a long time, but so many times I wondered what really happened. When I looked back on the whole thing, I was never really sure if I was just an idiot who didn’t get it or if we were two people who’d never been right for each other in the first place. And I needed to be sure before moving forward with you.”

“That’s ridiculous,” he said. “Didn’t not hearing from him in years give you a hint? That’s your answer, right there.”

“But I did hear from him. I told you that,” she said. “He came back from the Marines and asked for another chance, but I was so angry, I sent him away. That was right before I met you. Listen, I know this is asking a lot, for you to understand this, but I have to figure out a few things about the past before I can make a smart decision about the future. If there’s even one small question… Ten years from now, I don’t want to find myself a wife and mother, asking myself if I did the right thing. I don’t know if men do this, but sometimes women will romanticize the one that got away, the one they can’t have, and it can stir up all kinds of trouble. All I want to know is that our breakup, painful as it was, was absolutely the right thing to do.”

He gave a bark of laughter. “Women,” he said derisively. “So, you’ve been there for a week. That should’ve given you plenty of time to answer that one small question. Were you right to send him away? What’s it going to be, Becca?”

“Doug, I’ve learned that we were pretty confused and screwed up. I think I understand how we ended up hurting each other so badly. His mother’s death really took its toll. Unlike you and me, he didn’t have any other family anywhere and—”

“So,” he said, cutting her off. “You two are putting it back together now?”

“No, we’ve only talked about what happened to him. We haven’t even gotten around to what happened to me. And I told him I have a boyfriend.”

“He must find it pretty interesting that you’re there, with him, and not with your boyfriend,” Doug said. “This is asking a little much, don’t you think?”

She sighed. “It is, I realize that. But before we make some kind of commitment, this old relationship needs to be dealt with. It wasn’t a crush, Doug. It was very serious.”

“No,” he said. “No, I’m not going along with this. I’m not sitting still while you have some fling to see if you picked the right guy. Either you find a way to get out of that stupid little town and back home or we’re done. Done, Becca! Because this is completely inappropriate!”

Appropriate. Wow, that word kept popping up. But it wasn’t the right word in this context. What her mother meant and what Doug meant is this wasn’t very comfortable. They weren’t exactly having their way. But it was probably not only appropriate but also sensible to be sure you loved the man who was getting ready to ask you to marry him.

“Well, gee, Doug, I guess that would answer a question I hadn’t even asked myself. Tell you what, let’s both think about that.”

“I want you to come home,” he said.

“Home for me is San Diego,” she said. “You live in L.A. What you mean to say is you want me out of here.”

“Same thing. You’re playing with fire here. I’m not putting up with this.”

She thought for a moment. She had created this challenge, after all. An awful lot to ask of a boyfriend. “I guess I have to say I understand, Doug. And I’m sorry. This old relationship still feels strangely unfinished. I have to work this out. Bye.”

She hung up.

And felt like a dog.

She’d done what she had to do, but she’d done it all wrong. Her original plan was to spend the week around Denny and figure something out about herself. Because it wasn’t really about whether Denny wanted her. If she still couldn’t let go, she had to break it off with Doug. It wasn’t fair to him. But then she broke her ankle and things began to change…get a little more complicated…