Breathe (Sea Breeze #1)(28)

The moment I walked in the door Mom called from her room, “Sadie? Is that you?”

“Yes,” I replied, as I walked back to see her so we wouldn’t have to yell at each other. I stopped when I got to her bedroom door and found her standing in her panties and bra in front of the window unit with a large cup of ice in her hand.

“The heat is killing me, Sadie! I swear, I can’t wait until I have my body back.”

I sighed and bit my tongue from reminding her this was her fault. “I bet,” was all I allowed myself to say.

“So, you’re home early today. You didn’t get fired, did you?” she asked all serious, as the idea of me without a job began to take root in her thoughts.

I shook my head and leaned against the doorframe. “No, the family is out tonight, so I got to come home early.”

She still didn’t know about Jax. I didn’t want her to find out and get it in her head I could somehow get money out of Jax. Mooching off men was her gig, not mine. I didn’t want any man to take care of me. I wanted to be self-sufficient. I never wanted my teenage daughter to have to pay the bills and cook the meals.

“Hmmm, well that works out good for me and the baby. We are starving, and the thought of working in a hot kitchen is just too much.”

I nodded and turned. The kitchen contained all I needed to make tacos, and Jessica loved tacos. I got the meat out of the freezer and put it in some warm water to thaw.

“I’ve got to go to the clinic tomorrow to have a check up. Are you working?”

I wanted to laugh at her question. I’d worked every day since school had been out, except of course for Sundays. Not that I was complaining, because if I didn’t work, I didn’t make money...and I didn’t see Jax.

“Yes,” I called back.

“Oh poo! I hate driving.”

I didn’t respond. Instead, I searched through the cabinet for the taco seasoning.

“You know, I’ll be thirty-one weeks this Monday, and, in two months time, I’ll have this baby. I haven’t even picked out a name yet.”

A nervous knot grew in my stomach at the thought of a real baby being brought home. The baby hadn’t seemed real as long as it remained unnamed, but naming it somehow made it real, and made me very nervous.

“I was thinking I liked the name Sasha if it is a girl. You know stick with the S names. Sadie, Sasha.”

I said nothing.

“Or if it is a boy, how about Sam?”

I tried to ignore her. I really did not want to give this baby a name. It made my insides do funny things. The thought of baby food, formula, diapers, and, well, a baby, scared me. I could see Jessica coming home and saying she couldn’t take it and handing the baby to me. I had no idea what to do with a baby. I really needed her to be the mom. I needed her to be a grown up with this baby. Because I wasn’t ready.

“Okay...so, you don’t like that name?” she called out again.

“No, I like it. I just don’t really have a preference.”

She remained quiet for a moment, and I wondered if she picked up on my fear. And then she said, “Well, I think it is going to be a girl, so I am going to name her Sasha Jewel White.”

I swallowed the lump that appeared in my throat and forced out a reply. “Sure, Mom. Sounds good.”

Jessica ate in front of the window unit in her underwear, and I ate alone at the table. After we finished, I washed up the dishes and went to get a shower. I would be getting in bed earlier than usual, and sleep suddenly seemed very appealing.

“Sadie!”

I sat straight up in bed at the sound of my mother yelling my name. I slung my feet onto the hard wood floor and before I could even get to the door she began yelling again.

“Sadie!”

I ran across the hall and into her room. She was sitting up on the edge of the bed, holding her stomach, with sweat on her face.

“Something’s wrong,” she panted. “It hurts like hell!”

I grabbed her housecoat and slipped her arms in.

“Come on, we’re going to the hospital.”

She grunted and stood.

We made it half way down the hall before she let out another bloodcurdling scream and bent over holding her stomach.

“Help me, Sadie, this hurts so bad!” she said through tears.

It was hard to mask my panic. Seeing my mother screaming in pain terrified me. I got her into the car and remembered her purse and ran back inside to grab it. On my way in the door, she screamed again, and I hoped someone would hear her and offer to come help. Right now, I didn’t feel competent enough, and I really wanted help. I ran back out to the car, slung open the door, and jumped inside. I turned onto the road and headed for the local hospital. Luckily, we were only a few miles away. I glanced over at Jessica as she rested her head back on the seat.

“You okay?” I asked, praying for a yes.

“For now,” she said quietly.

I didn’t ask her anything else. I didn’t want to cause her any pain. We made it to the emergency room fast, since the roads were empty at four in the morning. I pulled up to the entrance and ran around to open her door. She hadn’t experienced any more pain since we left the house, and I was grateful. Focusing on the road was hard enough with your heart beating out of your chest and your palms sweating. “Wait here. I'm going to go get help. Don’t walk.”