Breaking the Rules (Pushing the Limits #1.5)(88)

“Hurt?”

Hurt? Painfully so. “Yes.” And terrified. As if I’m in a real-life horror movie. “I don’t know where we go from here.”

“Let’s take it one step at a time.”

“At some point we have to start thinking beyond the moment.”

“But not now.” Noah’s fingers slide through my hair, down my cheek, then put the slightest pressure on my chin until I lift my head to look straight into his eyes. “I love you. I’ll be strong enough for us, Echo. I wasn’t before, but I am now.”

I love him. So much that it aches. “The question is if staying with me can keep you happy. I’m not convinced that’s possible.”

“It’s possible.” Noah swipes a thumb across my bottom lip. Electricity zaps down to my toes. “Very possible.”

I sigh, and Noah narrows his eyes. “Don’t do that.”

“Do what?”

“Doubt me.”

I quirk up a halfhearted grin while everything twists on the inside. “I’m not.”

Blink. Blink. Blink.

“You are. I’m going to prove I mean what I say.”

Noah doesn’t understand. “It’s not me you need to prove anything to—it’s yourself.”

“You’re too many steps ahead. Take a deep breath and stop trying to jump into the deep end.” Noah inches his head near mine and while I know that I should ease away, I can’t. When it involves Noah, I’ve always been the moth willing to be burned.

“One of us has to jump,” I whisper against his mouth.

There’s a desperation inside me that screams to hold Noah as close as I can. That this boy who causes me to melt under his touch, who makes me laugh like a child, lights up my world in so many ways, will leave me soon. The need is to cling. To hold. To become one.

But the thought of kissing Noah, the thought of loving him then losing him causes tears to form. I shut my eyes, and the images of Noah walking away into the night, merging into the shadows, plague my mind.

Aires walked away. Aires couldn’t fit into the mold at home. The more he tried, the more miserable he became, and he left. Not just left. He died.

My hands find Noah’s chest and with all the strength I possess, I shove. “I can’t.”

Noah sits up. “Echo?”

I’m trembling, and the air can’t enter my lungs fast enough. The room’s too small, and I’ve got to leave. I’ve got to leave before Noah does. I blink to understand the thought, but everything is distorted. “Aires left.”

“What?”

I run my hands over my face, and my shaking fingers stop at my lips. Aires left me. He walked off into the shadows, and I never saw him again, and Noah chose to walk in the same direction—away from me.

“You walked away, and Aires walked away, and he didn’t come back.”

“I didn’t walk away, baby. I’m right here.”

“But you will!” I yell, and bolt off the bed. “It’s what happens and then...and then...” Aires died.

“Echo...” Noah says slowly, sort of like he’s talking to a hurt animal. “Take a deep breath. You’re breathing too fast, and you’re shaking. Just sit down.”

“No, you walked away last night.” But he said he was sorry. Noah’s saying he’s chosen to stay.

“I know it sounds f*cked up, but I went after Mia to talk to her. She said she knew why you and I were fighting. She said she had a relationship like ours once. I thought she could tell me how to keep you when I’ve got nothing to offer.”

Noah’s saying words. Words I should listen to, but the emotions running through me are too strong. “Did you know that Aires felt trapped at home?”

Just like Noah must feel like I’m trapping him. Noah was a different person when we met. He changed, and I liked how he changed, and I liked how he dreams of college and how he wants to build me a house and to buy me a small fluffy dog, but what if all of that is to please me and he’ll feel trapped and then he’ll disappear just like...

“Aires said that joining the Marines was his dream, but was it his dream? I mean, did he join because he felt like there was no other way out? And what happens when you feel trapped? What happens to you? To us? I can’t lose someone like that again. I can’t...”

“You aren’t.” Noah cuts me off. “I’m not trapped. Going to college. Being with you. Those are my choices. Not choices to prove something to you. If it was, I’d be on my knees begging you to take me back, and I’d be telling you that I’ll stay with you in Colorado, but I can’t. I need Kentucky, just like you need here, but, baby, I still want us together. Hear me, Echo. Hear what I’m saying. I’m not trapped. I’m exactly who I want to be...who I want to become. I wasn’t chasing her last night, I was chasing you.”

“Aires also said he’d never leave!” The air leaves my body faster than I’m taking it in. “He lied to me! The one person who never lied to me, lied to me! And I know you never lie so what does that mean? I’ll tell you. It means that this is all going to hell.”

Noah’s face contorts as if I’m gutting him open. “I get it.”

“You don’t.”

He slams his palm over his chest, over his heart. “They left me, too!”