Breaking Dawn (Twilight #4)(82)

She saw the funny side of the daily irritations that came from hanging out around vampires. She liked my ragging on Rosalie, chuckling internally and even running through a few blonde jokes in her mind that I might be able

to work in. But then her thoughts turned serious, lingering on Rosalie's face in a way that confused me.

You know what's crazy?she asked.

Well, almost everything is crazy right now. But what do you mean?

That blond vampire you hate so much - totally get her perspective.

For a second I thought she was making a joke that was in very poor taste. And then, when I realized she was serious, the fury that ripped through me was hard to control. It was a good thing we'd spread out to run our watch. If she'd been within biting distance...

Hold up! Let me explain!

Don't want to hear it I'm outta here.

Wait! Wait!she pleaded as I tried to calm myself enough to phase back. C'mon, Jake!

Leah, this isn't really the best way to convince me that I want to spend more time with you in the future.

Yeesh! What an overreaction. You don't even know what I'm talking about

So whatare you talking about?

And then she was suddenly the pain-hardened Leah from before. I'm talking about being a genetic dead end, Jacob.

The vicious edge to her words left me floundering. I hadn't expected to have my anger trumped.

I don't understand.

Youwould, if you weren't just like the rest of them. If my "female sfu/T - she thought the words with a hard, sarcastic tone - didn't send you running for cover just like any stupid male, so you could actually pay attention to what it all means.

Oh.

Yeah, so none of us like to think about that stuff with her. Who would? Of course I remembered Leah's panic that first month after she joined the pack - and I remembered cringing away from it just like everyone else. Because she couldn't be pregnant - not unless there was some really freaky religious immaculate crap going on. She hadn't been with anyone since Sam. And then, when the weeks dragged on and nothing turned into more nothing, she'd realized that her body wasn't following the normal patterns anymore. The horror - what was she now? Had her body changed because she'd become a werewolf? Or had she become a werewolf because her body was wrong? The only female werewolf in the history of forever. Was that because she wasn't as female as she should be?

None of us had wanted to deal with that breakdown. Obviously, it wasn't like we could empathize.

You know why Sam thinks we imprint,she thought, calmer now.

Sure. To carry on the line.

Right. To make a bunch of new little werewolves. Survival of the species, genetic override. You're drawn to the person who gives you the best chance to pass on the wolf gene.

I waited for her to tell me where she was qoinq with this.

If I was any good for that, Sam would have been drawn tome.

Her pain was enough that I broke stride under it.

But I'm not There's something wrong with me. I don't have the ability to pass on the gene, apparently, despite my stellar bloodlines. So I become a freak - the girlie-wolf - good for nothing else. I'm a genetic dead end and we both know it.

We do not,I argued with her. That's just Sam's theory. Imprinting happens, but we don't know why. Billy thinks it's something else.

I know, I know. He thinks you're imprinting to makestronger wolves. Because you and Sam are such humongous monsters - bigger than our fathers. But either way, I'm still not a candidate. I'm... I'm menopausal. I'm twenty years old and I'm menopausal.

Ugh. I so didn't want to have this conversation. You don't know that, Leah. It's probably just the whole frozen-in-time thing. When you quit your wolf and start getting older again, I'm sure things will... er... pick right back up.

might think that - except that no one's imprinting onme, notwithstanding my impressive pedigree. You know, she added thoughtfully, if you weren't around, Seth would probably have the best claim to being Alpha - through his blood, at least. Of course, no one would ever consider me....

You reallywant to imprint, or be imprinted on, or whichever? I demanded. What's wrong with going out and falling in love like a normal person, Leah? Imprinting is just another way of getting your choices taken away from you.

Sam, Jared, Paul, Quit... they don't seem to mind.

None of themhave a mind of their own.

You don't want to imprint?

Hell, no!

That's just because you're already in love withher. That would go away, you know, if you imprinted. You wouldn't have to hurt over her anymore.

Do you want to forget the way you feel about Sam?

She deliberated for a moment. think I do.

I sighed. She was in a healthier place than I was.

But back to my original point, Jacob. I understand why your blond vampire is so cold - in the figurative sense. She's focused. She's got her eyes on the prize, right? Because you always want the very most what you can never, ever have.

You would act like Rosalie? You would murder someone - because that's what she's doing, making sure no one interferes with Bella's death - you would do that to have a baby? Since when are you a breeder?

I just want the options I don't have, Jacob. Maybe, if there was nothing wrong with me, I would never give it a thought.

You would kill for that?I demanded, not letting her escape my question.