Brazen (Brazen #1)(43)

Jasmine pushed her hair away from her face, the strands damp with sweat. She tucked her camera back into its case and swung back into the saddle. She led Esme away from the creek bed as the sun rose higher.

Home. The word, the feeling, echoed with every clop of Esme’s hooves. Maybe it made her ridiculously sentimental, but never had she experienced such a feeling of homecoming. She’d never had a place where she belonged. Where she fit so well.

Now that feeling was threatened by Seth’s resistance, his rejection of…she wouldn’t say of her, because deep down, she didn’t feel he was rejecting her. He was rejecting what she wanted. Her idea of their future.

She clung to that thought, to the hope that as long as there was something there between them, pulling them together, the rest would fall into place.

But how? She pressed her lips together in a thin line. Her head ached, a dull pounding working at her temples. She knew she’d been incredibly naïve in thinking that what she proposed would be accepted. Oh, she hadn’t expected it to be easy, but in the back of her mind, she’d harbored fantasies of them realizing their love for her and not being willing to let her go.

She sighed. She had to face it. She hadn’t seen beyond her selfish expectations. What she was asking…it wasn’t fair. But then what about love was? She knew she was asking a lot. But it didn’t change the fact that she truly loved both men. Deeply. Passionately. With all her heart. It wasn’t a childish infatuation. It wasn’t a crush that would go away with time. Whether it was fair or not, sane or insane, she loved them both, and she’d never, ever view either man as a “spare”, an extra, in case the first didn’t work out.

She shuddered at the idea that either would perceive the situation like that.

She loved them. Would always love them.

Distracted by the intensity of her thoughts, she allowed the reins too much slack. When a rabbit darted through Esme’s legs, startling her, Jasmine didn’t react fast enough, and the reins were wrenched from her hands.

Esme reared and bolted. Jasmine processed the sensation of sailing through the air a mere second before pain wracked her body, and the air was sucked painfully from her lungs. Her head slammed down and the bright, midday sun went black.

Seth ate lunch, though he didn’t really taste the food. Carmen puttered around, but his focus wasn’t on her, the plate in front of him or the list of things he was supposed to get done today.

It was hard to act normal, like nothing had changed in his life when in fact, nothing would ever be the same. How was he supposed to deal with that?

He’d known from the moment Zane had told him Jasmine was coming home that it marked a turning point. He’d felt it in his bones that things would irrevocably change as soon as she stepped back onto the ranch. He tried really hard to muster some anger at her for that, but he couldn’t.

Somehow, somewhere, he’d let things spiral out of control. He had only himself to blame. As shocking as Jasmine’s revelation was, he couldn’t bring himself to be angry with her. She’d seemed too earnest and then too…devastated.

But he couldn’t control or wish away the surge of jealousy that had overtaken him at the thought of sharing her with another man. He was only just now starting to come to terms with the fact that his feelings for her were forcing their way outward. He was having a hard time keeping them buried, locked away like some dirty, dark secret.

He hated himself for hurting her, something he couldn’t seem to control, but he couldn’t accept the sort of relationship she suggested. Could anyone? It had disaster written all over it. A prickle of irritation nipped at his neck. Why was he even giving the idea enough consideration to call it a disaster? He should be dismissing it as ludicrous, not weighing the potential hazards.

With a barely controlled sigh, he stood and took his plate over to the sink. When he glanced out of the window, he frowned.

Esme plodded inside the back fence, her reins dangling. Jasmine’s camera case was still attached to the pommel and slapped at Esme’s side as she wandered through.

“Carmen,” he called. “Didn’t you say Jasmine was taking Esme out for a ride?”

He heard Carmen shuffle back into the kitchen. “Yes. She left a note.”

Seth swore and raced out of the kitchen, ignoring Carmen’s startled questions.

“Jasmine!” he yelled as he exited the back door. He strode over to Esme and collected the reins. She was jumpy and skittish as if she’d endured a fright. Not taking the time to make sure she was properly put up, he yelled again for Jasmine.

His heart raced with panic. Jasmine wouldn’t have let Esme wander around like that. Which could only mean that rider and horse had parted ways unintentionally.

He took several steadying breaths while he tried to process his options. He yanked his cell phone out of his pocket even as he ran for the shed that housed the four wheelers. Knowing Jasmine, she wouldn’t have stuck to the roads, and he’d need the ATV to find her.

He punched in J.T.’s number as he straddled the four wheeler.

“J.T.,” he said, not waiting for the other man to respond. “Jasmine’s missing. She might be hurt. I could use your help down at the ranch. Esme came in alone. I think she may have thrown Jasmine. Zane’s in San Antonio so I’m here by myself.”

“I’ll be right out,” J.T. said grimly.