Brazen (Brazen #1)(26)

She turned back to Carmen. “What on earth happened?”

Carmen huffed and plunked the plate down in front of Jasmine. “You are what happened, niña. You and these games you are playing with the boys.”

Jasmine shook her head in confusion.

“They fight,” Carmen said in exasperation. “I go outside and the two of them are rolling around in the dirt trying to kill one another. It’s no way for brothers to behave.”

Jasmine felt sick. She shoved the plate away, unable to stomach the thought of eating. She buried her face in her hands. “Oh, God, I never meant for this to happen.”

Jasmine heard the ruffle of Carmen’s skirts, and then she was enfolded in Carmen’s arms. Carmen coaxed her hands from her face and cupped her chin in her hand.

“You’re playing with fire. You know this, eh niña?”

“I love them, mamacita. What would you have me do?”

Carmen’s face softened and she hugged Jasmine to her. “I know you do. But these boys. They’re stubborn. They won’t be easy to win over.”

Jasmine nodded as Carmen moved back toward the stove to stir the chili she was making.

“What are your plans, niña? Now that you are home from Paris. What will you do now?”

The earlier email floated through Jasmine’s memory. She leaned forward, resting her chin on her upturned palm. “I don’t want to do anything. Is it so terrible that I don’t want my life to take me away from here? This is my life. It’s where I belong.”

Carmen walked over to stand close to her once more. “Listen to me, niña. You can’t put all your eggs in one basket. Because if that basket falls, all the eggs break and you have no more. You can’t put your life on hold waiting on something that may never happen.”

Jasmine winced even as she knew Carmen spoke the truth. She did have to plan for a future that may not include Seth or Zane.

“Oh, Carmen, what am I going to do?”

She let all the pent-up despair spill over. Carmen hugged her close and stroked her hair soothingly. “You’re young, niña. Young and beautiful. You have your entire life ahead of you.”

“But I don’t want a life without them,” Jasmine said quietly. “I realize how dramatic it may sound. You think I’m young. I don’t know my mind. That this is all some crush that will fade as soon as the next hunky guy comes along.”

She broke off but Carmen remained silent, waiting patiently for her to have her say.

“I left here, mamacita. I left here with the intention of not coming back. I didn’t think I could ever have what I wanted, that there wasn’t a way for me to win their love. I wanted to exert my independence. Make them see me not as someone they were stuck taking care of, but as a strong, independent woman capable of making it on her own.

“But my time in Paris only made things clearer to me. I was being a coward by running away. I never once stayed and fought for them. How can I expect them to see if I wasn’t able to show them? And so here I am, wanting so much but no idea of how to make this work.”

Carmen sighed. She drew away and framed Jasmine’s face in her hands. “Sometimes, niña…sometimes we don’t get what we want. You have to prepare yourself for the possibility that you may never get what it is you most want. And more than that, you have to figure out what you’re willing to risk in your attempt to gain your heart’s desire. Because if you fail in this, your relationship as it is now with Seth and Zane can never be the same.”

“All or nothing,” Jasmine said simply. “I understand what you’re saying, mamacita. But I’ve already thought about that. I know if this doesn’t work out, things can never be the same. It’s a risk I’m willing to take.”

“Then I will pray very hard for you to succeed, mi niña. I love you dearly, and I want what any mother wants for her daughter. I want you to be happy.”

Jasmine hugged Carmen tightly. “I love you,” she said, her voice muffled by Carmen’s shoulder. “I never want to do anything to disappoint you.”

Carmen patted her back and pulled away to look her in the eye. “I am very proud of you, Jasmine. You know your mind. I’ve never doubted that for a moment. Your convictions are strong.”

“Let’s hope they’re strong enough,” Jasmine said. “I have a feeling they’re going to be sorely tested.”

Jasmine spent the rest of the day sequestered in the study with her computer. She answered the email from Wildscapes and made arrangements for them to fax a contract for her to sign. But she declined the offer for a regular column.

It may have been stupid, but she simply would not entertain that her future was anywhere but here at the ranch. And if worse came to worst and she was forced to consider a path that would take her away from Seth and Zane, she’d consider her options then.

At one point, she fell asleep at the desk, her head pillowed on her arms. She awoke when Carmen gently shook her.

“Go on up to bed, niña. The boys have gone to their rooms for the night.”

Jasmine rubbed her eyes and glanced at the clock. It was nearly midnight. “Goodnight, mamacita. I love you.”

“I love you too,” she said, kissing Jasmine on both cheeks before she left the study.

Jasmine stood and stretched then shuffled out of the room. When she reached the top of the stairs, she stared down the hall at both closed doors. She walked down to Zane’s room and quietly tried the knob, only to find it locked.