Brady Remington Landed Me in Jail(52)

Brady sat there for a couple of seconds in silence. Then he asked, "What do you lie to me about?"

"About how I feel about you. I lied to myself about how I've always felt about you." There. I'd let the cat out of the bag. He'd have to bite, but….I waited as my heart pounded.

Nothing.

Brady cleared his throat. "Is this all because of your mom?"

When I heard his answer, I closed my eyes and felt something tear inside of me. I rolled away from him until there was a foot between us.

"Viola told me that you're the wrong guy. I can't be around you anymore."

"What? Oh come on. What are you talking about? It's Kid that she doesn't want you around."

Frank Stephens could be my father. "I don't think Kid's a problem anymore."

"Rayna." Brady scooted close to me, but his legs didn't touch mine. He made sure. He didn't want to be too close. "What's going on with you? I feel like I'm losing you or something."

I looked at him finally and then sat up when I saw the nervousness in him. His blonde hair had been wetted down so it was a sharp contrast between dark and light, but his eyes were the best liars. He looked concerned, genuinely concerned, but I saw that he was hiding. When I looked closer and inspected him as he always seemed to inspect me, I saw that there was a lot there.

"What are you keeping from me?"

"Noth—," he started to lie, but stopped. "I keep some of my past from you. I don't tell anyone that stuff, Rayna. It doesn't mean anything about our friendship."

"Friendship," I said the word. It felt bitter in my mouth. "We are not just friends and I told you that I've been lying about my feelings. Why didn't you ask about my feelings?"

A wall fell over his eyes. "I've been thinking about this, , and I don't think…ah, hell. I don't know. I just think that with Clarissa going after you and those other girls who made you cry—"

"You are not taking it back! You can't. We had sex, Brady. I gave myself to you, and I did it because it was you. You have been the one pushing it. You're the one so protective of me with Kid. You're the one hanging all over my inner tube. You're the one that calls me in the morning when you get arrested. You're the one who doesn't want other guys to look at me. You're the one who wants to kiss me after you get out of jail. You're the one who takes me to the doctor so that I can get birth control pills. You’re the one, not me! So don't you dare change things now because if you do, I will lose it. I can't have one more thing change on me."

Whoo. I fanned myself, but kept glaring at Brady.

Suddenly my door was thrown open and my grandmother stood there. Her chest was heaving and her eyes were wild. Her greying hair was frayed with strands flailing in the air. She took two hurried steps inside before she stopped abruptly and stuck her jalapeno potholders on her hips.

Brady and I looked at each other, but neither said a word. I didn't dare. I was still heaving from my speech to Brady and my grandmother looked like she would let loose in a second.

"Brady," Viola spoke in a shrill voice. "You need to leave."

"Oh. Okay. Rayna, I'll call you later?"

Brady started to get up from the bed, but stopped when my grandmother spoke further, "No, Brady. I mean, if the two of you are having intercourse, then you can't come over here anymore. You can't be in Rayna's life."

My mouth fell open. So did Brady's, but then his eyes narrowed. "You got a reason for this decision? You can't keep us apart. She's an adult."

"It's obvious that you two plan on continuing to have sex and I can't have that. I have to look out for Rayna. You can't be in her life. I can't trust that it won't happen again even if you promise me that."

Slowly, I stood up. "He is my best friend."

Viola stared at me. "Brady is wrong for you. You can't be around him."

"He's my only friend."

"Wrong? What the hell?" Brady stood and clipped out, "I haven't hurt her. Yes, I shouldn't have pushed for sex, but you don't know what I was feeling then. You don't know how scared—" He stopped suddenly and looked down as his fists clenched and then unclenched.

I watched, fascinated. They kept clenching and unclenching. Then I looked at his face. His eyes were tightly closed. His jaw mirrored his hand movements, clenching and then clenching again. He was so tightly strained. I was afraid when the control would leave him…

"I can't explain it. I'm sorry, Brady. I….," her voice faltered on a sob. "I am so sorry it has to be this way. I wanted you two to be close. I wanted you to grow up with each other and lean on each other. I just never thought…" She took a shuddering breath. "I never thought it'd end like this. I never thought in a million years…I mean…Brady's so different than my baby."

I should've been falling apart. I should've been wailing, pleading, or threatening. I wasn't doing any of it. I stood there and stared at the two people who I loved most. They were both falling apart and it was because of me. It was then that I realized that I had checked out. I was watching a show play out in front of me. I was the audience, but I had no bearing on the show's content. Or…maybe I was starting to figure things out, maybe for the first time.