Blackbird (A Stepbrother Romance #1)(20)

I almost didn’t bother looking at the papers. It was a foregone conclusion at this point. The paperwork had been filed, and I had my diploma, the equivalent of an honors track diploma at a regular high school. Deep down I’ve always suspected that every homeschooled student earns a perfect grade point average, but I know I earned it.

“Have you decided where you’ll be going?”

I blinked a few times and glanced at the letters.

“I’m not sure yet.” My voice was tiny then, soft, barely more than a whisper.

“You have quite a selection to choose from.” The note of approval in her voice makes my pride swell.

She took my hands, and cleared her throat, but she was becoming choked up. I felt my eyes burn in return.

“Students like you are the reason I wanted to become a teacher,” she told me, with a wistful sigh. “I worry about you, though.”

“Why? Did I do something wrong?”

She smiles and pats my hand. “No, sweet girl. You did nothing wrong. You are a kind, sensitive, well mannered young woman and you are very intelligent, and, if I may say so, quite beautiful. Just look at you blush.”

I was blushing.

“Be very careful,” she said, a note of warning in her voice. “You’re very trusting. Soon you’ll be on your own, with no one there to look out for you but yourself. You have to be very careful, especially about young men.”

I nodded. “I know. F-father talked to me about this.”

She let out a long sigh, released my hands and folded her own in her lap.

“Eve, normally I would not say this, but what will he do, hmm? Fire me? Your father is not always right. I want you to be cautious. He wants to control every aspect of your life. In truth, I think you’d have prospered in traditional school. A private institution, perhaps. You are very intelligent and learn quickly, but there are some lessons only people your own age can teach you, and you’ve been deprived of them. I don’t know why.”

She cleared her throat.

“I’d ask you not to repeat any of this. I depend on recommendations in my line of work, you understand.”

I nod. “Of course, I’ll keep anything you say in confidence.”

“‘Be careful’ doesn’t mean ‘stay away from every boy’. You’re intelligent. Use that intelligence. Trust your instincts. Avoid situations where you can be taken advantage of. Promise me, though, that you won’t shut people out. Make some friends. It may take you a while to learn how. Don’t wall yourself off. A life lived alone is not a good life.”

I nodded again. “Thank you, Mrs. V.”

She scrubbed at her eyes with her fingers.

“You know, I have to leave now.”

“You could stay for dinner.”

“I don’t think your father would like that, dear. No,” she sighed again, and I realized she was beginning to choke up. “I need to go. I have an appointment this afternoon, anyway.”

I stood up and walked her to the front door of our house. At the door, she shocked me by throwing her arms around me. She hugged me. I stood there rigid, unsure what I should do. She held me by the shoulders and gave me warm smile.

“Remember what I said. It’s time to leave the nest.”

“Thank you,” I said, not sure what else to say.

There was an awkward pause, and with a hitching breath she descended the front steps and walked down the street to her car. I waved as she drove off, and felt a crushing weight in the pit of my stomach as I walked back to the study that served as my classroom. My next tutor taught history and English and we were not so close. Our final interaction was professional, the advice given more about choosing a field of study. I had already chosen. I would be studying business. Tonight, when Father came home, I was expected to inform him which school I would attend, and begin making the arrangements. After the history tutor left, I sat at the desk and arranged the envelopes into piles. I was tempted to choose a college in Oregon, as far from home as I could get, but the idea of being so far away made my fingers tremble and my palms sweaty. It went in the No pile. I don’t even know why I applied.

I don’t know why I applied to any of them. The envelope sat fat in front of me, heavy with the future. I was offered a full scholarship, not that we needed it.

When Father came home I was waiting for him in the hallway. It was the same, every day. I lurked near the door, walked over as he entered and took his briefcase, and told him about my studies for the day as I walked with him to his office. Once inside I set his briefcase by the desk. He sat down behind the broad expanse of oak and bored into me with his icy blue eyes.

“Well?”

I did my trick. It’s a clever trick.

I opened my mouth and his words came out.

“A good choice,” was all he said. “You’re excused. Dinner is at six thirty.”

Father employed a domestic to cook and clean for us. Most never lasted more than six months. Imelda, the latest, had been there for nine. She was quiet, only a few years older than I was, and had a way of looking through me as if I was not there. I ate my serving of steamed vegetables and lemon pepper chicken slowly, cutting neatly, taking small bites.

Dinner conversation was never our strong suit.

“Tomorrow afternoon, you will come with me.”

“Yes, sir.”