Becoming Rain (Burying Water #2)(109)

So that’s what’s weighing on Luke’s guilt, on top of everything else.

I sigh. “We were putting surveillance on Miller anyway. He isn’t going to lose everything.” I step in close, because I’m about to say things I’m not allowed to, that can’t be overheard. Even without a soul out here, I’m still paranoid. “Vlad wanted to take over Rust’s operation and cut him out of it, and Miller helped him do it. He’s not innocent.”

“No.” Luke shakes his head furiously. “You guys are f*cking crazy with your theories. Miller was loyal to Rust. He’s one of the only guys that Rust trusted. He wouldn’t stab him in the back like that.”

“We caught him with the stolen cars and brought him in. He admitted to it all last night.”

Luke looks like I slapped him across the face. I reach out, letting my fingers graze his forearm, layered in raindrops and gooseflesh from the cold. “He fed Vlad information and introduced him to Rust’s high-level fences. Vlad worked his way in, paying the guys off to keep quiet while they filled orders for him.”

“But . . . why?” A heavy, disbelieving frown pulls at Luke’s brow. “Rust was always so good to him.”

“Because Vlad threatened him and his family.”

Shock fills Luke’s face as he processes my words. Maybe the shock is why he hasn’t pulled away from my touch yet.

“And Aref made a deal for those SUVs with Vlad. The same deal he made with you guys, only I’m guessing it was for a faster delivery date. That’s why he didn’t care when you told him you were out. He never intended on going through with it.” I pause, offering the last bit more gently. “I’m pretty sure he knew that Vlad was going to kill Rust.”

Another slap to Luke’s face.

Maybe Aref does have a redeeming quality, in that he tried to protect Luke from a bullet to his head through Elmira’s warnings. Or maybe it was Elmira operating on her own, the entire time. I still haven’t figured her out. Now, with both of them overseas, I probably never will.

“I can’t trust anyone, can I?” All pretenses of a confident man are long gone from his voice. He sounds completely lost, hollow.

“Yes you can. You can trust your friend Jesse, and Alex, and Sheriff Gabe. They care about what happens to you.” I hesitate before I add, “And though I know you don’t believe it . . . I care, too.”

Silence hangs between us. Finally he admits, “I don’t hate you. But you broke my f*cking heart, Rain. Clara.” He wipes the rain off his face with an upward stroke, pushing his fingers through his hair. “I don’t even know what to call you. You’re not even real.”

“I am real,” I argue, my grip on his arm tightening. “You got a lot more of the real me than you ever should have. For what it’s worth, I can’t tell you how many times I wished that Sinclair was wrong, that you weren’t involved. Then, when I figured out that you were, I wanted things to be different. I tried to make them different.”

I get a glimpse of the Luke I knew before when he leans forward, pressing his forehead against mine. “But they never will be different now, will they?”

His tears burn against my cheeks, so cold from the rain. I’m sure he can feel mine too. I swallow, wanting so badly for him to lean forward more, so I can taste the ones that have rolled over his lips.

“How am I going to live with myself after all this?”

“You’ll figure it out. You’re a decent person. You just needed a good, harsh rain to remind you of it.”

I feel his breath skate across my lips. “I knew that was a metaphor.”

I smile at the weak joke, daring to brush my lips against his.

My phone starts vibrating in my pocket. I want nothing more than to ignore it for just a few minutes, but I know that’s a bad idea.

“Yeah?”

“Where are you?” Warner’s more abrupt than usual.

“Just out for a run with Luke and the dogs. Why?”

“72 wasn’t at the exchange with Miller. Our guys tailed some other guy driving his car from his house to the meet spot.”

“Where is he, then? At home?”

Silence. “We don’t know.”

My heart begins racing, pumping adrenaline into my body. My eyes are scanning the shadows with renewed fear. “Call you in five.” I pull my Glock out of my ankle holster. “Let’s go. Now.”

Luke must sense that something’s wrong because he doesn’t ask questions, swooping down to grab both dogs under an arm. He sticks close to my side as we jog back, our pace even faster than the one Luke set before.

Only when my back is pressed against the inside of my front door, with the deadbolts in place, the security cameras on us, and a team of cops watching the entries from outside, do I allow myself to breathe again.

“What’s going on?” Luke asks, his chest swelling with each ragged breath.

I’m past the point of caring what I’m supposed to tell him. So I tell him exactly what Warner told me.

“Do you really think . . .” His wary eyes shift to my gun.

I throw the safety back on and slide it into my holster. “Honestly? No, I don’t. I think he just changed up the way things work, now that Rust is out of the picture. But I wasn’t risking anything happening to you.”