Be With Me(64)

She blew out her breath. She was making a huge mess of this.

“No, Cam didn’t wear one. We didn’t think about it at the time. He was pretty worried about it the next morning, but I assured him I was on birth control.” Hutch frowned. “It’s not about you being on birth control. Cam should have protected you better than that.”

“If I hadn’t had a one-night stand with someone after that night a year ago, we wouldn’t be bothering to have these conversations,” she said in a low voice.

Hutch blinked. “What? You think . . . Wait a minute.

What exactly do you think here?”

She shifted uncomfortably. “I used protection that night. I’m safe. It only happened that once. I was so sick about it the next day that I couldn’t stand the thought of anyone other than you or Cam and Sawyer ever touching me.”

She glanced down guiltily as she finished.

“Reggie, baby, look at me,” Hutch said softly.

She glanced up nervously, worried about what she’d see in his eyes. Disappointment? Disgust?

But she saw neither. She saw love.

“I’m not even sure what to say here. I don’t want to say the wrong thing. I’l be honest. When you told me that you’d slept with someone else after what happened here, I was gutshot. I wanted to go hunt the bastard down and kick his ass. I wanted to wrap myself around you so far that you’d lose yourself in me and only me.

“But then I saw the look in your eyes. The self-condemnation and the worry that you’d somehow betrayed us. I saw vulnerability and pain, and I was gutshot al over again.”

He stroked his fingers over her cheek, up and down, and then rubbed the back of his knuckles across her jaw.

“What happens now is what’s important. Not what happened then. Don’t get me wrong, if you go crawl into bed with someone other than me . . . or Sawyer or Cam,” he added in a strangled voice, “I’l kick not only his ass but yours as wel . And then I’l tie you to my bed for the next year.”

Her laugh came out shaky and ended on a sob.

“I’m sorry, Hutch. I’ve never said it but wanted to so many times.”

“Don’t, baby. We came at you out of nowhere. We blindsided you and scared you out of your mind. No matter

what we wanted, you hadn’t made a commitment to us. You didn’t owe us anything.” She shook her head blindly. “I did. I at least owed you an explanation, a conversation before I crawled into someone else’s bed.” She closed her eyes as tears crept in. “I hate myself for doing it. I don’t even know why I did. I was . . . lonely. I wanted you but didn’t know how to ask for what I wanted.”

“Ahhh, baby,” he murmured as he pulled her into his arms. He cradled her against his chest and pressed tiny kisses to the top of her head, her forehead, and over her closed eyes.

He stroked her hair for several minutes as she squeezed tighter against him.

“About the condoms, Reggie. I want you protected.”

She pulled away, just enough that she could see him. “Cam said . . . he said there hadn’t been another woman since he realized he loved me.” Hutch’s eyes flared in surprise.

“He’s safe, and I’m safe . . . but if we’re going to—”

“If we’re going to walk into this kind of relationship, we have to make sure we’re al on the same page,” Hutch said evenly.

She nodded.

“I’ve made love with two women,” he said solemnly. “A girl I dated my freshman year in col ege and then . . . you.”

She went stil against him. “That’s al ?” she whispered.

“Like Cam, there was never another woman after I realized my feelings for you.” Pain twisted his features. “Actual y that’s not true.” He looked down, and it was her turn to force his chin up so he stared back at her.

“What’s not true?” she prompted.

“I’ve always loved you. And I suppose it’s why I can’t be angry with you for sleeping with another man, because I slept with another woman knowing that I loved you and that I didn’t have a prayer of ever not loving you.”

Her heart twisted into one huge knot. Then it loosened, took wings and flew. Love bubbled into her chest, fil ing it until she thought she just might burst.

“I love you,” she said simply. “And you were right.

What was isn’t as important as what is and what wil be.”

“What wil be,” he murmured. “What’s going to be, baby, is that I’m going to love you and do my damnedest to make this arrangement work.”

“Then love me. Make love to me. I need you, Hutch. I’ve always needed you.”

His mouth closed over hers, feeding hungrily, sipping at her lips then devouring. She sucked at his bottom lip, nipping gently with her teeth then soothing with her tongue.

His hardness settled between her legs as he moved his body over hers. She cradled him against her, absorbing his heat, his power. Her hands ran over his body, his shoulders, his back, down to his muscular bu**ocks. They tightened underneath her fingertips as she explored the rounded globes.

He settled his elbows on either side of her head and dipped to kiss her as he shifted his hips to work further between her thighs.

His c**k brushed the curls between her legs then delved deeper as he flexed his hips.